Is That GGG Trying to Mow Her Lawn Again?!?

Almost, but not quite. While some of you may think I bear some off-the-wall resemblance to Prince Harry (see picture), I assure you that I am not any blood relation, haha... HOWEVER!! That is almost the appropriate gear to don when attempting to do yardwork at my house these days.

Now let me just set the record straight: I do not live in a rural area. Granted, the town in which I live has a high ratio of farmers/rednecks:normal human beings, but I do live in a bona fide subdivision within incorporated city limits. That being said, I simply have the thickest, most dense St. Augustine grass in the south and it laughs at me when I crank up my lawnmower. It scoffs at my naive attempts to manage or manicure my property.

Two weeks ago, as I stand in the mid-90 degree, 75% humity-infused, central Texas heat, trying for a solid 10 minutes to crank my buggared, old green lawnmower, I nearly had a stroke from the effort it took just to crank the darned thing. I had run out of gas after mowing the front yard and had made one pass around the back when it gave out. Once it was filled up with about $3.50 worth of gas, I went through the aforementioned cranking ordeal and then had a breakdown: "NOOOOOOO!!!! I don't have to take the abuse any longer!!" I walked away from the monster, leaving it in the backyard and marched to Lowe's to buy a fancy-schmancy new lawnmower. She's candy-apple red, with an electric start AND a manual crank. I feel like I just bought a Corvette! (It should've come with leather hand grips for what I paid for it, but that's a totally different story. Just as you should NEVER go grocery shopping when you're hungry, NEVER, EVER, EVER go shopping for major appliances or power tools within 24 hours of your old one claiming victory over you -- it's not pretty... But I digress...)

Fast-forward to today. I have given up precious time at the gym to get back to my lawn, which is tall and out of control. It's too thick to let it go so long, and the poor Corvette/lawnmower kept gagging on all the clippings. Mulching blades are apparently a mixed blessing. As I looked back on the side yard just after mowing it, it looked as if there was green snow on the yard. Silly me, I think, "Maybe if I put the bag on it and go back over it all, it will suck up the clippings into the bag, kinda like a vaccuum for your yard!" Girls, apparently this is something that boys are figuring out while we're watching the period film in the 4th grade: lawnmowers are not, in fact, vaccuums for your yard. I had to hand-scoop this miniscule stuff into the dang bag.

Then, to add insult to injury, just as I get into my Amazonian back yard and make that initial pass around the edge of the yard -- mind you, the same stretch done two weeks ago, while the center 80% of the yard has gone unruly and untouched for three weeks and is now practically halfway up Bud's legs, still rests unscathed -- it begins to rain, and I mean pour. The gardener in me is thankful for the rain, but the homeowner in me wants to throw a grade-one FIT!!

So if any of you should catch me skulking about in the backyard all camo'd up and low crawling, I'm probably just venturing out to either find my children or tend my garden...