"A Town of War Widows"

FYI -- Just wanted everyone to know that the article is out! "Why, what article do you mean, GGG?" Oh, only the ARTICLE FOR WHICH I WAS INTERVIEWED BY GLAMOUR MAGAZINE! Coolio!!

By clicking on the title of this blog, you can read the article online, which is only part of the experience. The picture you see of all of us standing there is a full, two-page spread on p. 332. I am towards the back due to height discrimination. (Yeah, all of us tall girls always get crammed in the back where no one notices us...) It's a great picture. It was taken at the new Central Texas Veteran's Cemetery (is that the right name? Not sure...) on a blustery day in January, and we were all popsicles by the end of the shoot. Thank goodness I had done my research and watched several seasons of "America's Next Top Model" and knew how to "bring it" and "look fierce" even in subzero temperatures. (OK, it was really only about 50 degrees, but for a Texan w/ no coat on in the wind, that's a fair assessment of the weather...).

Turning the page, the picture at the top of the page reminds me of my reaction to being at this photo shoot. This cemetery is very peaceful, near FT Hood, but far enough off the beaten path to be quite serene. The rolling hills and excellent view of the central Texas landscape are quite fitting for soldiers of all ages and walks of life who have gone to that AA in the sky. (For all you non-military types, "AA" isn't what you think -- it means, "Assembly Area." That's a phrase Tom used just before he died.) Anyhoo, this cemetery has barely been open for 2 1/2 -- 3 years. I was instantly struck by how many graves there already are; it simply took my breath away. Then, as we all emerged out of our cars to await instructions from the crew, it further wrenched me as I looked at all of us and realized what it meant. For every woman there, there was a man who wasn't. They represented entire families who will walk around for the rest of their lives with this scar tissue on their hearts that will be like the remnants of a tattoo that's been removed: you can't see its details anymore, but you can see where it was, and the scar tissue may heal over time, but the outline of the tattoo is never completely gone whether or not you want it to be...

If you look down at the bottom of pp. 334-335, there are some pictures of our guys. There is a picture of Tom standing in water at the beach holding our son when he was 4 mo. old on our one and only family summer vacation to Destin, FL. He is right on the crack (how fitting! haha!!), top row, on the left of said crack. He would just die if he could see himself in a nationally circulated magazine w/ no shirt on! hahahaha!!!!!

While I wasn't mentioned by name, I did actually get my own paragraph, but it doesn't sound very good. My paragraph is the one that begins, "One widow, in her early thirties with two young kids..." The guy that wrote the article didn't accurately relate what I was trying to convey about how my faith has played into all of the events post-11/30. He says that I mention that my faith has allowed me to, more or less, gloss over stages in the grief process, which couldn't be further from the truth! I told him that my faith has helped me to navigate my grieving process more smoothly than some. I also said that I never really had that angry, "I hate God; it's all His fault," feeling. I also never felt the need to question why this happened; it was enough to know that God had a plan and that all things work for good for them that love God (Romans 8:28). To add a rotten cherry to this funky dessert, he paints a picture that everyone sitting there at the table is making faces at me or rolling their eyes or something. Didn't happen! What I told him in the interview was that some people, especially some at FT Polk, didn't buy what I was trying to tell them about how God was getting me through every day and so on. Now all that talk about the plastic surgery IS true; we sat there and talked about it for quite a while. Out of the 20+ women there, I would bet that at least 50% or more of us had breast implants. But that's a whole other blog!!!

It is a loooong article. For the most part of what I have skimmed, the guy who wrote the article did a pretty decent job. I think my part was a little botched, but then again I don't always say things the way I'm thinking them, so it's possible I wasn't a very good communicator. I was very disappointed that one girl got so much press time, but I won't say anything here that is negative. I'll just leave it at that. I do think, however, that I came away with the overall feeling that military widows are hung on their late husbands and can hardly move forward after their loss. They feel all this guilt, they drink a lot, they crave physical contact with men but are unwilling to date again because they feel it's too soon or they worry that others think it will be too soon. I have to say, I feel NONE of those things. I wonder if that makes me a terrible person, to be quite honest. On one hand, I consider myself one of the better adjusted of these people and am incredulous that everyone else hasn't grown a spine yet. On the other hand, I worry that my progression through my own grief journey is viewed as irreverent and like I never loved Tom. I certainly don't begrudge these women their own time to work through things. I do believe that sometimes people bog down and allow their new status to define who they are, and I find that to be massively unhealthy. As for myself, I know better than anyone besides God just what all I've been through, what I have sorted out, prayed about, sought guidance about, what things about which I cannot talk about to others for various reasons, what things will always break my heart regardless of passage of time, etc. I answer to God alone. Case closed.

So, for what it's worth, read the article and let me know what you think!