**DISCLAIMER: I am in a FOUL mood. Don't read this if you can't handle some serious kvetching. I apologize in advance for being negative, but I needed some vent time...
You know, this blogspot thing unfortunately says something about the duality of my nature. I have been having a pretty good, blessed, insightful day and then WHACK! Something has happened that has totally ruined my mood, sabotaged my thoughts, and cast me into a deep, dark funk. I can't even blog about it here, which only serves to upset me more. I go from this lovely post on something precious and spiritual to the funk-nasty sh*t going on in my heart. ICK!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even describe to you the things running through my head right now because our language does not have words for how I'm feeling. I am completely powerless to unleash my words into cyberspace for fear that the party/parties involved might catch wind that something has set me off and I haven't seen fit to approach them about it. I can't always handle confrontation, at least, not in the heat of passion. I just had a discussion about this with someone last night. He thinks people should talk about things immediately while the emotions are still raw and exposed because that's how you truly feel about the issue. HOWEVER! I know what an idiot I am when I'm upset, and I don't ever want to explode at him or anyone else the way I have in the past. Trust me, I tell him, you WANT me to cool off and collect my thoughts! Can I get a witness?!?!?
...The "Grr" section has been deleted on purpose. Sorry if you missed it. I hit the delete button and didn't even copy/paste it into Word, so if you missed it, you missed it. Had to be done...
GRRR!!!
There are so many days when I read everyone else's posts and wonder why my life has to be so different from the norm, whatever I guess that is. Yes, I know that's a major pity party, but some days it just happens. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in at happy families. Moms and dads loving each other, caring for their kids, taking joy in the little things, having adventures, taking life by the horns. I look at my life and see that most days, but there are many days where I just don't see that. Things have come so far, I have so many blessings, but I feel like I'm walking down that hall in "Poltergeist" that keeps getting longer and longer the farther down it you go.
ICK!!! GRRR!!! GRRR!!! ICK!!!
3 comments:
ooooh that is alot of grrr and ick. prayin' for you right now this minute. call if you need to blow off some steam. you know the numbah!
Well, you had me at "kvetching".
I can't imagine a lot of what you're going thru and the context in which you go through it. However, I do know a little something about massaging a non-issue into an argument. Apparently, I can do that quite well. :) This sounds like a bit of spiritual warfare against you and Tom to me, if I may be blunt and out there...
Praying for peace. And healing.
well sister, remember you are not alone! I'm praying for you and the one(s) who have hurt you....
May you all try to see the other's point(s) of view before any words are spoken....
I don't suppose it helps at all to say, "this too, will help you grow stronger!?"
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