To Have and To Hold, So To Speak

First of all, thank you for coming back!

I have felt a smidge guilty about my last posting. I try not to post crazy, off-the-wall rants here, but there are some times where the floodgates give way to the pressure behind them, and the result is the bloviating that ensued last week. I only wish I could blame it on PMS! Alas, there is a lot of that stuff floating around in my head. My usual attempts to control it malfunctioned, and there you have it. At any rate, there really are much more important matters going on in the world, believe it or not.

For example, things are just so odd right now in my life. For once, I am feeling wonderful peace in my relationship with R., satisfaction in how God is guiding me to be a loving, efficient parent, and trying to work hard on my various endeavors. Personally, I am sailing over serene, lovely waters right now. But as I cast my gaze to my left and right, there are some seriously churning waters surrounding important people and places in my life. I feel charged up and energized to take these burdens on in some serious prayer warfare and put some heat on the Oppressor. I have started my first prayer journal just for this purpose. And I'm NOT going to guilt-trip myself, as per usual, when I cannot make an entry in it daily. It's a discipline I've wanted to develop for years, and with the gravity of all that is going on around me, I figured there was no time like the present to embark on this journey.

On a somewhat-different-but-not-altogether-unrelated note, I was reading through I Thessalonians the other day for my Pauline epistles class and was struck by what a timely read this is for me. It is a short book, only five chapters long, but it leaves such an impression of connection and relationship that I cannot help but be encouraged by it.

Being one of many books in the New Testament attributed to Paul's authorship, it is considered to be the oldest known Christian document that we have access to today. It is estimated to have actually been written by Paul (not true of all of the epistles bearing his name) a mere 15-18 years after Christ's death and resurrection. I personally see this as a great barometer of what the early church must've been faced with, the energy amongst the new believers and leaders, and the challenges they faced at the time. For someone involved in various areas of ministry in their own church and looking to further that somehow, I Thessalonians turned out to be important for me to read anew.

At first, I started off thinking about my Chicas and some of the amazing Christian women I have known over the years in reading the first chapter. These are individuals that I feel have mentored me in some way, helped me get a step or two down the path that leads me closer to the cross. The reputation of their faith and understanding precedes them wherever they go, and I am humbled by their example. I struggle daily with how I can take the person God created me to be and follow their example, except in a way that is true to myself. Quite a task! And don't get me wrong -- I care nothing about mimicking someone that I admire; rather, I want to pick up the flecks of Jesus in their demeanor and personality and make it my own. Their love and nurturing have been balm for me, having just picked me up like a stray puppy and loved me unashamedly and unconditionally (I Thess. 2:7b-8).

Then my thinking shifted to my church. This group constantly has me in a state of utter confusion. I can get such a negative vibe hovering over our congregation at times; other times, it's bursting with brotherly love and the true presence of the Holy Spirit. As with any group of people, there are those who make it their life's work to attend to the various needs within the church, and there are those who expect red carpet service, and everyone in between. Really, I could be describing every single church on earth. This seems to be the nature of human beings everywhere, and believe me, it's not limited to churches or "religious" people. But it is what it is.

Being involved in a couple of different areas of my church, my attitudes fluctuate. One day I'm energized, mission-oriented, ready to go. The next day I'm out of steam, feeling burnt out and unappreciated but willing to continue working. On my lowest days, I wonder why I even care. Who wants to serve a person or group of people that stagnate, get comfy, and don't want to leave their spiritual grungy, old armchair? Or worse yet, what about those who walk away from the body of Christ because they got their feelings hurt or don't agree with someone else's theology, but they take the back door out of the community, not even desiring to mend the relationship? I toss my hands up in exasperation and think, "Lord, I'm done. D.U.N. You can have it all back. I'm obviously not cut out for this kind of stuff." Worse yet, I see other faithful servants hit their burnt out stage and I have nothing left with which to edify them, to build them up and tell them to hang in there. I try to be there for them, when in reality I could use someone doing the very same thing for me.

But as the old Amy Grant song says, I reach out for the Lamp, the Light, picking up the Word I find, and there's another letter... I Thessalonians gives me that little boost I need to realize I'm not alone here. It was I Thessalonians 5:12-15 (NRSV) that just floored me:

"12But we appeal to you, brothers and sisters,

to respect those who labor among you,

and have charge of you in the Lord and admonish you;

13esteem them very highly in love because of their work.

Be at peace among yourselves.

14And we urge you, beloved, to admonish the idlers,

encourage the fainthearted, help the weak,

be patient with all of them.

15See that none of you repays evil for evil,

but always seek to do good to one another and to all."

I will not be be specific or "air dirty laundry" here, but let me ask you all to be in prayer for my pastor and my church. As happens during the life of any group that chooses to gather in the name of Jesus, we're experiencing ups and downs on our journey. Our council met today, and despite the issues on our agenda, I felt a positive energy around the table. We have serious decisions to make in the coming months, and we as a council have been charged to facilitate wise decision making. We have a responsibility to not only communicate concerns to our congregation, but to live out I Thessalonians 5:12-15 and model it for them. God has called each of us to serve on this council at this time for a reason, and it is imperative that we take this scripture to heart. We cannot expect the pastor to be the remedy for every problem, nor can we sit around complaining and not desire to be part of the solution. Why, then, Lord, is it so difficult to rekindle the passion and the fire that once burned so brightly?

I think part of the problem that so many of us have overlooked is the "God" factor. We think that, if we only have more fellowship, or convince people to come back and be involved, etc., that we could solve some of our problems. Where does God fit in to this picture? Have we gotten so focused on what WE are doing or not doing that we have completely overlooked the lesson God might be trying to teach us here? What, in fact, is God trying to reveal to us by allowing us to go through a valley, rather than keeping us perpetually perched on the mountaintop?

I've got some theories, but that's all they really are. Bottom line, it just pains me to see such a precious group of people, a community in which I grew up and was nurtured and have chosen to to with my own children, struggle and pitch back and forth like this. I get so caught up in my passionate philosophizing that I completely forget where the cross should be in this picture, which is front and center. So, I'm taking it on in prayer. I've decided to make a serious committment to shut my mouth, open my heart, and listen for the whispers of the Holy Spirit concerning what our futures will hold.