Looking Behind, Forward, and Within

So I meant to write a sort of "2010 in review" type blog on New Year's Eve, but things were crazy busy as we were preparing to have friends over to help us ring in 2011. I want to put 2010 on the shelf and open up the books on 2011, so let's take a stroll down Amnesia Lane, shall we?

LOOKING BEHIND -- 2010

1. Natural Disasters. 2010 was a hallmark year for Mother Nature, don't you think? The earthquake that hit Haiti almost a year ago is still big news as cholera and hurricanes pummel this forlorn place. There have been equally beautiful and disgusting stories that have emerged from Haiti, and I for one hope that God spares these people for a few generations. Wow.

Not too long after that we had other major earthquakes that threatened places like Hawai'i with tsunamis half a world away, that crazy volcano erupted in Iceland and threw air travel amuck, and then, as if Louisiana hasn't been smacked around enough, the Deepwater Horizon oil well began belching crude into the Gulf of Mexico. I don't think the human mind can actually comprehend numbers over about 100 or 200 sometimes. Just to think about the amount of water in the Gulf of Mexico is completely mind numbing, but to think about the volume of oil lost in the Gulf -- and the potential revenue at the gas pump -- also blows my cogs asunder. And as much as Hollywood loves to put depressing songs to video clips of oil-drenched pelicans and scold us for not being greener, I think the only people with a real grasp of what this oil spill really means for this ecosystem are the scientists. People, the real horror has probably not even yet begun.

2. H1N1. Remember when we were all worried about this? And all of a sudden there was a shortage of vaccines? I think the scariest part was the number of school aged children who actually died as a result of this virus. As a parent, it is so scary when your kids get something like a virus. You have to wait for some of these things to run their course, and I do not care for things I cannot control. Bud actually got H1N1, but we caught it in time and he did not develop some of the scary symptoms that others had. Close enough of a call for me!

3. Major sports events. Uh, were there Olympics last year? I remember, as a kid, this was such a big deal. I really don't remember this even being on last year. Apparently they were in Canada, which could explain it. I don't keep up much with Canada I guess. Add to that list the World Cup, which apparently took place in Africa. All I remember was people complaining about vuvuzelas and an octopus that was consistently picking the winners of matches. Guess I don't keep up with Africa, either.

4. Facebook. HELLO! This is something with which I have some knowledge! Finally! Facebook has been around since 2004, but it really seemed to reach its stride this year. Anyone who's anyone has a Facebook page. Even businesses are utilizing this as a way to promote themselves. I think it is nothing short of a miracle, although I can certainly understand how it can be used for negative purposes. In my life, it has been a significant blessing. People who are near and dear to me would otherwise be lost to the world of military moves and scattered to the four winds, possibly never to be heard from again. To be able to keep in touch with great friends, keep family updated with pictures of the kids, and to reconnect with people I haven't seen or heard from in years has been such a blessing to me. If this site were to ever disappear, I cannot imagine how heartbreaking that would be to be reduced to trying to scramble for all those email addresses or *gasps* snail mail addresses. Oh yeah, and add iPhone 4 and iPad to this list of amazing technology.

5. Lady GaGa, Justin Beiber, Snooki, et. al. Seriously?

6. The Hashtag (#). What the heck is this all about? Everyone does it. Why? I'm thinking I could live without this.

7. Personal life changes. Geez, where do I even start?!? I thought 2005 was a hallmark year of change for my family and me. I'm starting to think that year was easy compared to 2010. Given, I went through a devasating loss in 2005, but when you just look at pure stressors in life, death of a spouse or child is the top human stressor, and marriage is only six steps down. Amazing! 2010 held for me planning a wedding and getting married, buying a house and moving to a part of the country in which I had never been before, buying a new car and making the 2400 mile trek to said house by myself with the kids, getting pregnant and having a miscarriage (and this story has continued to evolve), trying to adjust to being married, getting a dog, and attempting to figure out who I am at this stage in life. All I know is that, even as much as the good Lord has thrown at me and as much as I prayed that would, in fact, be thrown at me, somehow I've survived with a generally positive outlook. I am completely convinced that I have been borne on wings of prayer by my friends and family, who have never wavered in their love and support for my family and me and without whom my life would be incomplete.

ENOUGH OF 2010! Let's peek ahead at 2011 and what's going on in my world:

1. TDY and deployment. It's a necessary evil in the lives of military personnel and their families. I know we will see our fair share, and all I can say is the sooner we get it started the sooner it is over. It seems like there's a constant revolving door of friends whose spouses are getting ready to go, those who are in the middle of deployment, and those who are cleaning their houses and shaving their legs on their way out the door to welcome someone home. At least this is one aspect of life that never seems to change.

2. Backpacking Through Joshua. I have signed up for an online study written by none other than HisGirl. I pray that I will have the discipline to see this study through. It is a long study but seems to be broken up into quite manageable segments. I'll say this -- there is no foreseeable good reason why I should not be able to make this a priority and learn and grow immensely from it. But isn't this a little like purchasing a gym membership before the new year? They say that it takes a month to form a habit, and I can tell you from experience it can take about 48 hours to destroy a good habit. The only person here who can keep me motivated to uphold my commitment is the Almighty. I know and trust that there are some serious blessings waiting to be had if only I will trust and obey.

3. Simplify. I have this intuition that this is going to be a do-or-die situation for me. I am tired of living life feeling like I'm running late, doing things just barely in time, only "making ends meet". The house we live in is large (for me), but not so large that I feel like it's worth the money to have someone come in to clean on a regular basis. I know I wrote as recently as last November about wanting to be like Abigail or the Proverbs 31 woman, and I know that's a tall order for any woman. All I want is for my countertops to be uncluttered, the bills to be paid and the laundry done, the bathrooms to be clean, the floors to be clean, and meals to be homecooked, nutritious, and easy to make and clean up. I want our closets to be full but not bursting, our pantry to be well-stocked but not have so much junk that it's falling off the shelves, and there to be systems of organization that are easy for every member of the family to be responsible to keep up with and not just me coming behind them all after they depart for the day's battles. What good is organization if it's not easy enough to do on a daily basis? As we hope to grow our family from a family of four to five or maybe even six, we've got to do more with less. Less stuff, less time, less money. Maybe I should add the word "efficiency" to "simplify".

4. Time to look inward. This is really an extension of numbers two and three. I want to be involved less out of the home and more in the home. I will be involved in the online Bible study, as well as my usual PWOC study commitment. I love to read but never have time to finish anything. I've decided that changes.effective.immediately. There is a book club I plan on joining this month, and I'm reading, "The Disappearing Spoon And Other True Tales of Madness, Love, and the History of the World From the Periodic Table of the Elements," by Sam Kean. Looks crazy cool. I will still be involved in PWOC and volunteer at the kids' school, but other than that I want to have a cozy place to sit down with a book, a guitar, or a computer keyboard. Or better yet get out when the weather begins to change and get my garden up and running. Either way, I desperately need the pace to be slower this year.

5. Something big is brewing... I think I'm going to leave this as a teaser, but I can guarantee you that, when it makes its appearance, it will be BIG. At least, the first two were... Hmmmm...

I leave you now with the verse for 1 JAN on my eternal calendar, a great reminder to start each and every year with. Many blessings to you and yours for 2011!

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " -- Jeremiah 29:11

Down Home Goodness

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's been ages since I've blogged. What's new?!? I'm still trying to get pregnant, recently ran in the Army Ten Miler, and found out I have osteoarthritis. So now I take prenatal vitamins and Osteo-Bi-Flex. Ah, the ironies of being 34. I know I owe everyone a poignant look back on 33 since I have just recently celebrated a birthday, and so many things have happened or changed in the last 365+ days, but that simply must wait for another day.

I have found another awesome cookbook!


I love this one already even thought I've only prepared one meal out of it. Here's the scenario of my life these days: Get rolling in the morning -- kids up, dressed, fed. Dog up, pottied, fed, pottied again, walked if possible. Make coffee, pack lunches, write notes. Get self dressed -- either brush teeth or hair, not time for both. Get kids to bus stop. Walk dog. Prepare self for day. BTW -- by this time it's 0900. Depending on the day of the week, I might be volunteering at the kids' school, rehearsing with my praise team friend for PWOC, attending PWOC, or taking the dog to obedience. 1530 marks the afternoon trek to the bus stop. Then get kids home, potty dog again, feed kids snack, work on homework. Feed and potty dog (again). Then comes "extracurriculars" -- violin and tae kwon do. Somewhere in there we have to squeeze in 20 minutes of reading for the kids, home cooked meal where we are all seated around the dinner table for some face time, then it's off to take showers and hit the hay. I am just now, two months into the schoolyear, able to feel as though we have a regular routine, but I hate it when we eat late on school nights, and we eat out enough on weekends as it is. We do not do fast food, so it's either me cooking meals or us going to a restaurant for dinner. While I really love to eat out, it's significantly more practical and economical to cook at home, plus I really enjoy cooking and feel as though I have served my family properly when I put a home cooked meal on the table. WHY, then, is it so blessed hard to cough up yummy, amazing meals in a timely fashion on a schoolnight?!? Enter the need for crock pot magic.

I don't always like what comes out of crockpot cooking. It can be singed and have that icky-wet-burnt taste all too often. I have a couple of slow cooker cookbooks, but I only have a handful of recipes in there that I like, much less have ever cooked. But this cook book has so many sticky notes in it already of stuff I want to try that I should've just dogeared the pages I didn't want to try -- looks.that.good.

There are two more cool things about this book:

1) Stephanie O'Dea has a blog as well. Go check it out here!
2) Due to someone in their family having this dietary need, all of her recipes are or can be made gluten free. She also has great vegetarian dishes in there that I, a strict carnivore, would be honored to eat.

So tonight we made the pizza soup -- delish! It was a great way to clean out the fridge and make something cozy and warm on a cold fall afternoon that we could eat prior to extracurricular activities and still stand a chance of getting to bed on time. Basically think of your favorite pizza toppings in a soup that is tomato-based. I served it with shredded mozzarella and crusty bread. Not only did we wolf it down, I was also able to freeze leftovers. SCORE! Or, as His Girl says, POW!

Lastly, the whole reason why I have opted to try this out is my earnest attempt at striving to be more like a Proverbs 31 woman, serving my husband honorably, raising my children to be Godly and healthy, keeping my home prepared and hospitable. So many days it can be a daunting, if not overwhelming task. I want so badly to "get it right" and pray every day that God will help me to spend my time wisely and efficiently. I think often of one of my heroines from the Old Testament, Abigail, wife of Laban. When Abigail saw David and his men approaching to collect their payment from her husband, she told her helpers to bring out food and prepared lambs to welcome these unexpected guests, trying to intercept a potentially problematic situation. David acknowledged her wisdom (and eventually married her). Also, Abigail's husband and my husband have nothing in common, praise God, but what I love about Abigail is that she is an example of a woman who prepared her household for anything to come up. When things arose, she was ready to spring into action and have the appropriate response. She managed her time and her household well. Lord, help me to be more like Abigail!

I know I can't be perfect, but I know that, with God's help, I can strive to be better than I was yesterday. There is always room for improvement, and it is the joy of my life to serve and nurture my family. I hope this cookbook can be a blessing for my family and other families as well!

"10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. 16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." -- Proverbs 31:10(b)-31 (NIV)

C.S. Lewis: Narnia? Not Quite...

Let me lay the ground work; then, we'll get to the comments about C.S. Lewis...

So I've embarked on this journey of trying to gird my brains with information this summer. Information that will hopefully be a resource as I attempt to piece together a care giving ministry at my church. When my pastor initially discussed this with me, I was surprisingly excited about the task at hand. My normal reaction would be one of, "Oh, no, not me. I'm not qualified/ordained/organized/"holy" enough..." So many times I would be tempted to back out of leading such an effort, but this time I met his gaze with some enthusiasm. It's an area of ministry that I would have never picked out to be involved with, much less coordinate or lead others' efforts. So hopefully that's a seed of God-planted affirmation.

My second reaction was, "Uh oh. I am really not qualified." I graduated from an informal, two year training of "average joes" who want to step up their involvement in their church and congregation. I am not any sort of professional counselor, pastor, etc. When my pastor left in late January, I saw a need to pick up a neglected ministry and fulfill a need. I began visiting with and taking communion to the sick and immobile people who cannot make it to church anymore, and I have received enough positive feedback to know that my efforts are appreciated. However, this should not and cannot be a pastor-centered ministry. There are too many people, both in our congregation and the world at-large, who need this type of one-on-one ministry. It's called care giving. My favorite way of putting it: ministry of presence. A ministry of presence is something that we're all qualified and called to do as believers. My job will be to gather a dedicated group of volunteers and connect them with those in need of this intentional fellowship.

So it occurs to me that the only experience I have is that of being literally plopped into people's homes and apartments, praying that God would be amongst our fellowship and keep me from doing or saying anything stupid. If I am to serve as a servant leader, I need to have some resources. Essentially, I need some tools in my belt. Out of all the books I have chosen to read, this is the one I have finished first:

"A Grief Observed," by C.S. Lewis. I had heard about this book and wanted to read it for some time but had forgotten about it. Having lost a spouse, I am able to relate on some level to those who have also gone through this type of loss, but I'm constantly trying to find a way to express thoughts, glimpses, wrestlings with God that I have experienced to those who have not had to go through this. This book gives a voice to those of us who have been down this road but can't quite put a finger on how to describe it. If you have been through the death of a spouse, please read this book. If you are married, please read this book. C.S. Lewis, like myself, had to do some serious restructuring of how he perceived death, marriage, eternal life, Heaven, God, and so forth. For us, we had to go through our grief as we navigated these murky spiritual waters. Do yourself a favor now and really take a hard look at how you answer some of these questions:

1) What is the role of death in a marriage?
2) Regardless of what my religion tells me, do I expect to be reunited with my spouse and/or loved ones?
3) Where, geographically, is Heaven?
4) What type of awareness does one have after death?
5) Do relationships continue on after death?
6) What is the point of enduring pain?

Most of the people I know who read my blog (if they haven't given up on me yet! haha!) will have a Bible verse for each of these answers. I encourage you here: put away the Bible. Step away from the reliable comfort of the Word and go into a graduate level application without your notes. Close your eyes, and picture your spouse gone. Their smell, gone. Their snoring, gone. Their companionship, gone. The heat of their body pressed against you as you sleep at night, gone. And not deployed, either. Gone. Imagine forgetting the sound of their voice. Imagine wondering if the way you remember him/her is really the way he/she was at all. All of these factors, and many more that we cannot perceive ahead of time, weigh heavily on a person's heart and affects the answers to those questions. The type of relationship you have with God prior to an event like this significantly affects how you navigate grief and loss, but the experience itself gets equal billing in the decision making process of someone left in the wake of their absent mate.

Clive Staples Lewis (yes, that's what C.S. stands for) apparently never intended to publish these four journals, now chapters, that he penned after the death of his wife. Writing being his mode of expression, he worked out his grief ponderings on paper and left us a gift therein. What you witness is a man desperately in love, desperately lost, wrestling with himself, God, and the "grief process." His words are tender, raw, scathing, sorrowful, hopeful, realistic, searching, disturbing -- he is real about what he is experiencing. You will not find theology in this book. There are no fictional allegories about Aslan, no floral writing about "glory to God" or "let it be Thy will." Instead, you will take a peek into the mind of a one who has had part of him amputated and realizes he must somehow survive.

From the first paragraph of Chapter One, Lewis hits the nail on the head: "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness... At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed." Chapter Two is not for the faint of heart. Here is where he gets to the dirty work of wrestling with God, reality, and eternity. He speaks at length about one's faith being like a rope and the level of trust we assign to our beliefs. Sure, we trust a rope to keep a box tied shut. There is no stress on its fibers. However, "suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it?" (p. 23) He also muses over how our beliefs and our faith is like a delicate house of cards that, however carefully constructed, is easily demolished. He comes around in Chapter Four to a beautiful change in perspective about his house of cards, demonstrating that this type of spiritual questioning and challenging is necessary to prune our spiritual bushes in order to stimulate healthy growth.

One of the most profound observations he made was regarding death and marriage. For many of us, we see these two concepts in perhaps one of two ways:

1) We marry. We live together in marriage until one of the partners dies. When the second partner dies, the relationship continues, almost as if it had been paused in the meantime. We're reunited, walking hand in hand for eternity; or,

2) We marry. We live together in marriage until one of the partners dies, at which time we are free to search for a partner and remarry. Wash; rinse; repeat. Reunification in heaven, maybe yes, maybe no.

In other words, we see death as either a cosmic pause in our relationship, or the finite end to it. Lewis believes that "bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love. It follows marriage as normally as marriage follows courtship or as autumn follows summer. It is not a truncation of the process but one of its phases; not the interruption of the dance, but the next figure." (p. 50) I felt as if someone had taken my hands out of cuffs the minute I read that. How freeing! For me, this makes marriage possible -- I don't have to fear death as being the unknown or the end. It is part of the process, the natural cycle of life and love, put into place by Life and Love Himself. It certainly does not remove pain, as pain is part of the natural experience of living as much as happiness or love. For some reason, it helps to make sense of pain to me.

I know this post may seem a little academic, and in a way, I would feel guilty reviewing C.S. Lewis and not paying closer attention to some of his details. I think this book was a great starting point for me, both personally and "professionally." Personally, I'm always in search of connecting with others who "get it." Professionally, I'm not a professional anything, besides maybe a speculator, but this is a great tool to hand to others who have not had this experience firsthand. It is a great tool for those going through a similar circumstance. Rather than preaching to people about what the Bible says about death, no more tears in Heaven, God will be your husband, and all the other ridiculous crap people have thrown my way, however well-intentioned it was at the time, I would rather hand this book to them and encourage them to see it as a conversation with a real person, looking realistically and practically at life, death, and love through a holy lens.

Good Grief

No, this is not a post about Charlie Brown. I've been doing a little digging around today on some professional resources for care giving and contemplating some of my errands and have had a minor epiphany. Sort of, I think.

I met with the current pastor at church today. As many of you know, I completed training as a Parish Lay Minister in January and have been involved in a care giving sort of ministry to people who, for whatever reason, cannot make it to church any more. We spoke for a couple of hours about the work I've been doing, current needs, what we'd like to see this evolve into, what needs we'd like to anticipate or programs that should be developed. In short, it's too much work to pile upon a pastor, or even to share between a pastor and one or two other people who volunteer to help. What we need is a swat team of caregivers, which is basically what I've been charged to develop.

Uh, ok. Just how in the heck am I supposed to do this?!? I've barely got any experience doing this myself, much less be the one coordinating and training volunteers! So where can I turn for resources on care giving, I asked the pastor. He sent me to the Stephen Ministries website. Some of you may have heard of this incredible caregiving ministry that is offered in churches of all denominations. It is one-on-one support between the care receiver and a lay person (i.e., trained "average joe," not a pastor), and there is extensive training for those who are said ministers. I don't know all the details, but you can read up on it by hitting the link.

Anyhoo, I stumbled upon a book that I ordered that I would love to buy for every person on planet Earth to manditorily read: "Don't Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart: How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering." It's written by the man who got this ministry started, and I can't wait to read it. It immediately made me think of Job's friends who thought so highly of themselves and of the godly words they thought they were offering, when actually they were being insufferably cruel. It's kind of funny, actually. I remember reading the book of Job some time after Tom died, and some of my Christian friends assumed that I was reading it to identify with Job being faithful to God despite his overwhelming grief. Actually, I turned to Job to know how to deal with people who thought they were bringing help into my life when, in fact, they were crushing my heart and adding to my grief. And don't get me wrong -- we see how God deals with Job, who got it right up to a point. But I am infinitely glad that there is a book in circulation that deals with this problem.

So many people earnestly and innocently believe that offering words of hope and scripture are a way to shed holy, loving light on loss. To the person on the receiving end, it's a real crap shoot as to whether or not those words will be received in the way in which they were intended. And while the person trying to offer support and comfort might feel hurt by the rejection of their sentiments, it would be soooo helpful if they could remember: it's not about them. To expect someone experiencing raw emotions and navigating the pea-soupy waters of grief to be socially acceptable, gracious, understanding, etc., of this is really asking a lot. Not everyone is able to look past it and know that you didn't mean to hurt them, or you're just trying to share your faith, or whatever your reasons might have been. The best thing to say is...

Nothing. Just be there.

At least, that has been my experience and that of many others I have known who have gone through loss of any sort. And loss doesn't necessarily mean death, but that's another post althogether...

At any rate, if you find yourself working with people, working in a church setting, etc., this book might be worth the read. I'll let you know in a month or so what I think about it.

The other thing that has got my hamsters jogging is non-traditional living. And by that I don't mean gay marriage, so just don't even go there. Let me explain...

As I was happily Googling before pilates this morning, over my cup of Hawai'ian joe, I googled something to the effect of "fathers day second dad," "fathers day dad in training," etc. What I was going for was gift or card ideas for the man in my children's lives who loves and adores them, shares in their care and discipline when we are together, etc. What I found were dozens of posts on discussion boards of women wondering how to honor these kinds of men in their lives. Some of the answers back were interesting, funny, and downright rude. What stuck out to me was this:

1) I'm not the only one going through this.

2) There's a growing need in our society to address the non-traditional sector. Like it or not, I think we're here to stay, y'all.

I know that this may not affect many of you, but once it does, it becomes stark and apparent to you in every area of your life. I have had to explain for three years now why my kids attend the Father's Day luncheon with their grandfather and hope and pray that it doesn't make them sad. My kids don't have active memory of T. -- R. is the only father figure they have known. I cringe every time we pass a little girl wearing a "Daddy's little princess" t-shirt now that Li'l G can read. What section of Hallmark do you head to in order to find a Father's Day card for a widow, or a Mother's Day card for a widower? Where exactly are the "Not-So-Merry Christmas" cards for those going through their first holiday after losing a loved one? Is it possible to find a Father's Day card for a man who has not biologically fathered children with you yet, but yet fathers your children? What kind of sentiment is passed along to a foster parent or other family member functioning like a parent? What about those of us who want to celebrate major milestones in our lives, like being cancer-free for an entire month or year, or becoming a "hyster-sister?" I don't point these things out to get to wear my martyr pin again, but these are just the things I was pondering today...

While I am certainly not the fount of creativity from which this line of alternative Hallmark will spring, but if I was smart, I'd come up with something and slap a copyright on it because non-traditional life and experiences are actually becoming pretty commonplace.

What I've walked away with is this: the amount of need in this world is overwhelming to a human, but thankfully, not so for God.

"Stadium Pal" and Sedaris

Most of you know a couple of things about me by now if you've ever read one of my rants-n-raves or have read more than one post here on the blog: a) my political leanings, and b) I heart David Sedaris. I've been plotting to go with my friend, JO, to go hear him on 20 April next year, and I've read and listened to several of his books.

Much to my glee and delight, upon pulling up my Bloglines today, when I should've been writing a history paper, I saw were I had some blogs to catch up on over at Dooce's place. She was sharing about a performance Sedaris gave recently in Salt Lake City. He was commenting on the election, and I think this just about hits the nail on the head, no matter which side you end up voting for:

"I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

I'll admit, he does use a foul word here or there, but, in the eyes of someone who aspires to write, he seems to use them judiciously and with a reason, not just to be a cussing dope.

Here is a recent clip of him on David Letterman. I might need one of these items he's talking about since I seem to live in the car these days! You might want to put down your hot coffee so you don't burn yourself as you laugh!

"The Mermaid Chair": Yet Another Book Review

OK, I really don't have time to devote to books other than my academic stuff right now, but I finished this literally standing up in the kitchen, as S4J was waiting on me to get into the car so we could leave for Chicas last week. This book doesn't tend to get good press, and I think it definitely deserves a shout-out.

First of all, I've noticed that, at least for this reader, SMK books start off slowly and I tend to not care about the characters or the groundwork she's laying until a little way into the book. For some of you that may sound harsh. What I'm trying to convey is that, if you're looking for something that starts off as a cliffhanger and makes you strap on your parachute so you can BASE jump into a plot already in progress, then SMK novels are not for you. While I like that to some extent, I can also appreciate the way some writers painstakingly lay groundwork before they really kick off the conflict of the story. Just don't take all day doing it!

At any rate, I felt like the plot was going to be predictable, which it was to a large extent. It was like one of the characters from "Waiting to Exhale" walked into "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Being in my early 30s and widowed, I did not have a personal way to relate to a woman 20 years my senior going through a mid-life crisis and careening toward self-destruction. I was elated, however, to find that one of the male characters fit closer with me, which I find oddly pleasing. This guy was a monk who thrust himself into the realm of godliness after losing his wife and unborn child in a tragic car accident. Really, to watch how he relates to others, the internal struggle he has, the aching in his heart that consumes every mitochondrion of every cell of his being struck a chord with me, and the terrifying reality of wanting, needing to love again and the risks that come along with that. Also, the main character's father died tragically when she was nine years old, and the broken journey she ends up taking in her life and the harsh reality of secrets kept are really key to this story.

I feel like I've almost gone and said too much about this book. I hope I haven't given any key information away! The ending of this book is so emotionally gripping that I was affected for days after having read it. In fact, when I first read it, I was waiting on Bud at the dentist's office and was crying so hard I was dripping tears on the pages! I had to lean my head back so I could even see the words! (For those of you who need warning, the bomb drops in Chapter 33.) As I was reading and following along all throughout the book, I was curious as to how SMK was going to tie all this up with a bow and come to a logical ending. The ending she came up with surprised me, as there were few obvious clues sprinkled about. You feel as clueless about what is going on as the main character, and the reality of it hit me so hard I had to read the chapter three times for it to really sink in. It reminds me of how, when you receive some kind of bad news, your brain goes into some sort of slow motion or shock. People have to repeat even simple things for you because your mind is just so blown by what you have heard. It was REALLY that good!

SMK doesn't give this book a Disney ending, which I love. I mean, I'd love to see all the problems resolved and have that feeling of, "Everyone's gonna be OK after all," but that is simply not true to life. Her ending was realistic and therefore satisfying.

One of the things SMK does better than anyone except Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (Stephen King goes overboard in this department and "stirs me to wrath," haha...) is her unheard-of-amazing use of imagery. I felt like I could smell the primordial ooze of the tidal estuaries and streams she describes, partly because I have experienced that in some fashion, but also because she captures all five senses in words so well. The feeling of humidity at the beach, the way fog sets into your bones in the middle of the night, the electrifying sensation of a lover's kiss on bare, expectant skin all comes through with intensity in this book, just as she did in "The Secret Life of Bees."

Bottom line: Give this book a chance -- it will devastate you by the raw emotion you will feel, and it will surprise you, too, as to which character(s) you relate the most. It's honest, realistic, and well worth the time you will invest in it. BTW, it's been made into a movie. I have mixed feelings about watching it, however. I have an outrageously overactive imagination; I just cannot imagine Hollywood replicating what was going on in my mind. The same goes with SLoB, which is coming out this week. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND READ THE BOOK FIRST!!! You won't be sorry you did, I promise.

OK, now back to the books...

I Heart David Sedaris and Other Random Observations

I've been blogging a little here and a little there in my mind but can't seem to carve out the time to sit still at the computer. I've got a jillion things I want to mull over "out loud" but want to chose my postings carefully, as I don't want to steamroll right over my 100th blog. As a result, you can all sample a bit from the buffet of my mental smorgasboard:

First of all, if you have not done yourself the favor of reading ANY book by David Sedaris, you need to send yourself to time-out post-haste. Once you've thought long and hard about what you've done, then you need to get your hands on a copy thereof. If you are even remotely entertained by anything I write, appreciate dysfunctional families, enjoy well-placed sarcasm, and like to laugh, I promise that you won't be disappointed. I recommend reading this one first since it really focuses on his family and his experiences growing up. I knew absolutely nothing about Sedaris before picking up any of his books and have really enjoyed learning about his background, quirks, and observations without bias from anyone but a book-loving friend of mine who has the discernment to make you drool with anticipation for a book without spoiling the plot or the surprises along the way. (Well-done, JO!) Sedaris writes essays, commentaries really, so if you have a short attention span, you can read one in fifteen minutes and walk away, as they are stand-alone entries; however, they do have a central theme within the book. As snarky and hilarious as this book was, and the next one as well, there is a twinge of bittersweet reflection that really grounds his words in reality. He can have you swerving in traffic because you're laughing so hard (obviously listening to the audiobook, not reading and driving because that would be wrong... uh oh...!!), and in the next breath deliver a lump to your throat that makes you think, "Wow." Some of my favorite stories involve his brother, who sounds like a real piece of work.

Bottom line: great read. I read this on the plane to Seattle and was guffawing out loud on the plane. It was the first thing I picked up in my effort to lighten up and learn to be more relaxed and groovy. I began and finished it in two plane rides.

I listened to this on audiobook, and what began as a long foray through the boring coastal Texas flatlands turned into a comedic/literary treat. The kids were watching a movie in the car with headphones on, so I got to enjoy this out loud. What I love most about Sedaris' audiobooks is that he reads them himself. A real bonus in my book -- not only do you "read" the authors words, but you also get to hear them the way he is wanting you to hear them, complete with emphasis and voices for all the characters. Some of the essays are even read in front of a live audience, which rocks. This particular collection focuses on his experiences living in France as an "ex-pat" and attempting to learn the French language. "Pickapocketoni" and the one where the students learning French are trying to explain, in broken French, to a Muslim what Easter is, are hysterical. Anything involving his dad is sheer madness and hilarity as well. The essay involving his sister, Amy, and her penchant for role play is hilarious as well.

Bottom line: I'm hooked on his writing but will choose to enjoy them as audiobooks.

All I can say is, Dang. Awesome book. I couldn't begin to give this book a proper review because there are so many reactions and emotions swirling through my heart toward this book. A pastor friend of mine recommended this author to me, and I know she has written some religious and non-fiction. This is the first book of hers that I have read, and in an effort to lighten up, I'm going to stick to her fiction for now.

Sue Monk Kidd has a way for crafting language quite unlike anyone I've ever heard, except perhaps Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. Kidd has now officially entered my "comfort food" category of writers, which includes the likes of Rawlings, Fannie Flagg, and Ann B. Ross. Flagg and Ross are more on the end of southern (humorous) fiction writers (Flagg has written lots of great books, such as "Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe," and Ross has written the "Miss Julia" series). However, I classify them as my "comfort food" category because they make me feel like I'm curled up on a hot summer afternoon at my grandparents' house, either on the chenille bedspread in the guestroom or on an old quilt on the living room floor, breathing in the smells of home cooking and musty old cotton from the gin, exhausted from a long day of working in the garden or fishing in the tank. These writers make me yearn for simpler times, rural settings, a slower, more thoughtful lifestyle, and a life that is straightforward and comforting. Most times the characters are anything but simple, the times almost always difficult and trying, but there is an implied simplicity that sweeps me out of my reality and into the pages of the book. I mourn upon finishing a book like this, missing the characters, wanting to be a fly on the wall in their old-fashioned kitchens and screened-in porches, having instead to deal with my modern life and issues. Now that's a good book.

This book has characters that draw you in and get under your skin. I'll be honest, it took me a good four chapters to give a rip, mainly because I was reading some other things and in transit at the beginning of this book. Once I had a piece of time to devote to it, Kidd had her hooks in me, weaving a web of carefully chosen words around my head that made me want to neglect my kids just so I could finish this book, as much as I wanted to stay in it forever. If you have ever had a tragedy in your life that left behind a lot of unanswered questions, especially when it comes to the identity of the one lost, or if you have yearned for the love of a parent, it will touch you. Such a great read.

more cat pictures

This is going to be me in about a week. For some INSANE reason, I have decided that I need to do a garage sale next weekend, and I have a looooong way to go. Did I mention this garage sale will fall the Saturday BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS?!? Not only that, but on the second day of school, I'm taking my show on the road, along with JO I'm hoping, and accompanying our pastor and youth minister to a local private university to get the word out about our church and to offer some "unplugged" style of worship and food for the students on campus. I've got to pick two hours-worth of music (I'm not a big fan of the repeat, unless it's a rockin' song) and develop that. To top it off with a rum-soaked marischino cherry, the praise band at church is working up a 10-song set, a.k.a. "The Jesus Project," by Rich Mullins, for a free concert to follow a fundraising BBQ at our church on 7 September. I won't even kvetch on the PLMA stuff I haven't come close to beginning to work on. I've also started waking kids up almost early enough to rehearse for a school day and biking up to the school and back. I feel like I've got the kids in kiddie boot camp and I'm the lead drill instructor.

Hopefully this has been a blog worth reading, albeit long. I'm hoping to keep up my "extracurricular" reading. I might even start a separate blog just devoted to that, but we'll see -- I'm doing well to be consistent over here. If you haven't left a comment for my 100th blog and would like to, you've got another day to do so! Remember there's a prize involved!! Go check it out!!

Today's Verse: Psalm 68:4-6, 20

"Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds -- his names is the LORD -- and rejoice before him.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land...

Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign LORD comes escape from death."

I came about this passage quite ironically. A precious friend of mine who I know through a local support group for local clergywomen and other women involved in (career) ministry recently shared a few passages from Psalms that spoke to her during some devotion time. I've since deleted the email and been kicking myself for it because I've felt an urging of the Spirit to get back into the Word, and particularly feeling a pull toward the Psalms. (Hey, some people call Ghostbusters when there are strange, vexing events in their lives; I, however, resort to Psalms. Go figure.)

Anyhoo, at the same time, I've been doing some recreational reading as per usual during the summer. I've been putting off projects for PLMA, again as per usual, and I have to say, I heart Donald Miller. If you flip through my bookshelf over there on the right of the blog, you'll see two of his books there. I read, "Blue Like Jazz," last summer and was simply blown away by it. Miller takes something so profound as Christian spirituality and puts it into such grace-infused, simple, loving language that you just want to sit back and say, "Yeah, man...!" when you finish reading it. So, um, yeah... Oh yeah, summertime reading... So the other book on there is, "To Own A Dragon," which is Miller's look at what his life has been like as a result of growing up without a father. It really jumped out at me because of my life situation. I'm constantly wondering what impact our family tragedy will have on the kids as they mature and grow, and in particular I have a special ache in my heart for Bud. T. died when Bud was 9 months old. The word "dad" means something but not what it means for those of us who grew up in a household with a biological, or even adoptive (I suspect), father who was a positive, loving presence in our lives. I realize the word "dad" might make many people's skin crawl. In our situation, though, I envision Bud being on this lifequest to find out "who" he is because he lacked the love and presence of his dad and never really finding it, thus leading him down a dark, miserable path for years of his life. (I can't/won't comment on any future male influence for him and the impact that I suspect it could/would have. It would be pure speculation at this point, but it is my sincere prayer that it will, in fact, come about on the Lord's timing and be exactly what all three of us need. But I digress...)

So! Psalm devotion email + Donald Miller book = Psalm 68?!? OK, here's the connection: Miller lived with a friend and his family for a number of years. It was at this time that he was going through a lot of identity crisis and finally dealing with the hurt caused by his father ditching the family when he was quite small. He was incredibly isolated and lonely, even amongst friends. This hole in his heart really consumed him. He specifically mentioned v. 6a: "God sets the lonely in families..." He believed that God was teaching him something about fathers and sons and love by allowing him that intimate time living under the same roof as this close, loving Christian family.

I really identify with this passage on many levels. It's nice to know that God doesn't forget about those going through hard times, even when others seem to have. The hard reality is that life goes on, and no one else's life stops just because you have a crisis going on in yours. You haven't been forgotten, but it can feel like it. I don't necessarily believe that the scripture is specifically and singularly dealing with orphans and/or widows in v. 5. I think the concept being presented here is that He gives guidance, love, and direction to everyone, even and especially those who have none other in their lives. He ensures justice for those who can't defend themselves. Widows during Biblical times were strapped for survival from what I understand. They didn't have support groups and childcare; their only source of income was gone. During wartime, entire cities could have been left with no men around to provide a living. Entire generations and families were completely wiped out. If you were lucky, maybe you had a smelly, unattractive, single shepherd brother-in-law that inherited you. Otherwise, it was just you. Good luck! It's nice to know that, when the daily task of survival had to be attended to, you had God in your corner. Didn't make survival any easier no doubt, but at least maybe, for part of your day, your sense of isolation might not overwhelm you.

I know that having my children around has been my saving grace through everything. Yeah, there are days when I call them by their "pet" names, Heckyll and Jeckyll, which they find hysterical even though they haven't a clue what I'm talking about. But as lonely as I have been in various ways since T. went Home, I have had two reasons for living that have kept me sane: Lil' G and Bud. He set me in a family, a blessed burden which I love so dearly and will never feel as though I've ever deserved.

I love the praise imagery in this passage, too. To see Adonai riding on the clouds -- no doubt with His beard flowing like that of a gnarly old Harley rider -- is way cool. And v. 20 is such hope for anyone of any circumstance: death can mean so many things here. 99% of you will no doubt say, "God sent Jesus to die for our sins; he saves us from death and the grave." Thank you, little Susie, here's your gold star. Would anyone else like to give an answer? Perhaps step out of the box?? What about other forms of death besides physical or spiritual death? What about that nasty black funk we get into when we're going through crisis? As the "normal" person we were before is shed as we molt our exoskeleton and lie there as a wet, defenseless new creature, looking pretty beat up and pathetic? What death have you experienced in life? Death of a spouse/child/parent/friend/etc.? Divorce? Infidelity? Getting fired? Bad test results or a diagnosis? Abuse? Depression? Significant problems with your teenage child? How long could this list really get?!? There are things probably every day that could lay us out, save the grace of God. He doesn't just swoop in on that Harley-Davidson cloud of His and carry us off into glory. But I believe that, by having a relationship with God, it saves you so much heartache. You can't prevent these things from happening, but you do have a way to make sense out of something that seems incomprehensible. I love that Natalie Grant song, "Held," which starts off talking about a 2 month old baby, dying as his mother prays for him:

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

I think that's what the word "saves" means here. God can't keep all the bad things from happening in our lives. What He can do is hold us, be there with us, number our tears, and give us the promise that He really does love us and will dry each of these tears. He is truly sovereign over these things and is faithful to His word.

DEATH BY WHITE STAG!!!

Egads, GGG! Where have you been?? Inquiring minds need to know...!!

Patience, my pretties, patience. Actually, I do appreciate the concerned comments. Mama P, I named this blog especially for you. I nearly fell outta my chair when I read, "Death by White Stag?" What a frightening thought, to meet one's demise in the smarmy, unmonitored dressing "rooms" of one's local Wal-Mart. If there is a God in heaven above, I pray that the Almighty would see fit to spare me such a gnarly demise -- haven't I suffered enough?!?

OK. All joking aside. I'd love to just put out a blanket, "I've been really busy," excuse, but you, the Readership, would have none of that. Let's take a stroll through the past 30 days:

Picture it: Alabama, April 4, 2008. A hot, young widow struggles with the forces of nature and Homeland Security to fall into the strong arms of the Pookie who loves her. (Did I mention how amazingly attractive this girl is?!? I digress...) I spent a weekend having some much-needed Pookie time. We ate, we drank, we ate some more, we went to the Space Museum in Huntsville and saw exhibits and a great IMAX film, "The Miracle of Flight." I felt like I was on a middle school science field trip. It was great. BTW, did I mention that this is where NASA hosts Space Camp for kids??? And did I mention that going to Space Camp was, like my DREAM ever since the space shuttle Challenger's unbelieveable demise?!?!? It was so neat to see all that stuff. Anyhoo, we had a nice, long dinner at a great German restaurant and just had some much-needed down time, for once being in the same zip code.

They also had the coolest OCC Liberty Bike on display (that's "Orange County Chopper," for those not in the know). The whole thing was made out of bronze and had various effects incorporating the Statue of Liberty. Such a cool bike. I'm sure Paulie designed the bike -- such a creative guy!

In addition to being a globe-trotting GGG (does that now make me "4G"??), I have been in full immersion mode for Lay Ministry training. I've been working at getting ahead in my assignments, and as of about 15 APR, I blew a fuse. The material I had to read, especially from, "Where God Meets Man," was so intense and meaty that I ended up limp with exhaustion and nursing a raging headache for three days after I finished reading it. Between the eye strain and the incredible amounts of great information I digested, I just could not function; I went into safe mode.

Let me add some theological insight here: I am learning daily what it means to me to not only be a Christian, but what it means to express that through the denominational affiliation of being Lutheran. Being raised in the Lutheran church is not exactly the most charismatic of experiences. So many of us who choose to attend denominational churches are "box checkers" or conformists, which disgusts me to no end. On the other hand, as I'm growing and reading more and understanding more clearly, I am alarmed and concerned at things that I hear other churches passing off as gospel truth and sound preaching. What is so frightening is that the basic tenets of what they put forth as truth are not fundamentally wrong; however, it is in the fine details that people are not getting a transparent view of our God, our Holy Scriptures, and the world around us. These fine details are most destructive when they become so embedded in the parts that are true that one cannot separate one from the other. My bottomline comes down to these two points: 1) Challenge your beliefs and articulate exactly what you believe as often as you can, and 2) Search out the parts of your belief system that conflicts or doesn't have a clear meaning or explanation to you. How can we offer the Truth of the Gospel to unbelievers and skeptics when our own beliefs don't make sense to us? Do you know basic meanings of the words you use to share the message of the Gospel, so that you can explain what they mean to a person who has no earthly idea what you're talking about??? Just because you read something in the Bible and think it's talking about A, B, or C doesn't mean even you truly understand what you've just read. Question and research what pastors and teachers tell you. We are all human. What they are teaching and preaching should really be driving us to interact with God and the Word for ourselves, praying that the Spirit would reveal truth to us and give us understanding of what we read.

Also, don't just stop there. Take your body and your mind and squeeze yourself into the text and times of our Scriptures. Don't be blindly fundamental or flaky and symbolic. Do the work -- search it out -- open your heart and prepare to have your socks blown off!

And DON'T attend a church because you like the pastor, the music is good, your kids' friends attend the youth group, or the programs are great. Choose your faith community wisely. Don't just look at what one congregation says it believes, although that is hugely important. Look at what the denomination as a whole professes. If they ordain gays and lesbians and you don't agree with it, you might as well start agreeing with it if you decide to attend church there. If they say that Jesus was merely a human who was adopted as God's Son at His baptism (aka Adoptionists) and you don't agree with it, you might as well start agreeing with it. What you hear preached in your church will be impacted by the doctrines of the larger church, so don't think it doesn't matter! And you Non-Denoms, you don't escape this conundrum, either. I think you guys actually have to be even more discerning because you do not have as many affiliations and larger administration covering doctrinal matters. I simply think we've all got to do a lot more looking at the fine print to make sure things are not slipping past us that appear benign but, grain of sand at a time, can build up quickly to be major stumbling blocks on our spiritual paths. OK...sermon is over!

Dateline: 26 APR 08, My town, Texas... TORNADO!!! This is not an actual picture of my neighborhood, but it was the closest thing I could find on Google Images to what I actually saw. Here's how the near-deadly scene unfolded:

Lil' G had a violin recital last Friday evening. She and Bud were bathed, dressed, and waiting patiently on the couch watching "Go, Diego, Go," and I was putting the final touches on my hot self. I mean, it's difficult to improve upon near perfection, but what can I say... Anyhoo, after sprucing up, I was on my way out of my bedroom when I happened to look out my window, which is usually behind the closed blinds by this time of day. I noticed a weird looking cloud and lots of wind. Thinking that the clouds looked awful greenish-grey and that the wind was really churning, I went out to the back porch. The weather sirens were blaring through the town, and I could see a wall of rain headed north and a black wall of clouds headed south. Uh, yeah, we're not leaving for the recital. Amidst the angered cries for Diego, I told the kids to go sit in our "safe place" for bad weather as I checked the local TV station for the latest weather update...

"...Fire Station 2 on XYZ Road has just confirmed a tornado on the ground just west of the high school and coming south across the lake on FM 1234..."

If you could run your fingers over a map of where I live, you would take XYZ Road and drag your finger west of said fire station. Leave that finger there. Take another finger and cross over the lake on FM 1234. The intersection of those two paths leads to, LITERALLY, my backyard. So what do I do? Well, I do what any good Texan does -- I go stand out on the back porch to watch it go by!!! Really, it did not touch down until it was about 3 miles south of my house, so it must not have touched down for too long near me. The bigger story was the SOFTBALL sized hail that commenced afterward. By the time the tornado was well out of our way, I was debating whether or not to load up and still try to make the recital. After all, we still had 15 minutes until it started. No sooner had the thought passed through my pea-sized brain, I heard a strange 'thud' in the road. It came faster and faster. Apparently there must be a girls' softball team in heaven, and boy were they pissed! We had huge hail and heavy rain for 15 solid minutes. On one hand, I was so thankful that my car was inside the garage. On the other hand, I halfway considered backing it out in the driveway -- Lord knows it would've been totalled and I would be sportin' a new ride by now! Oh well...stupid conscience...

Lastly, and possibly more importantly, I've been in a bit of a funk, too. I don't know how I find the time to devote the kinds of energy it takes to really pull this off well, but I somehow manage to do it with flying colors. I'm at a point in my life where my love life and my life with friends -- close female friends -- are both very important to me. I won't expound on my love life here, other than to say that yes, in fact, I do still have one and that it is truly full of love. Perhaps that is precisely what makes being so far away from him so hard. Understanding the "why" behind it doesn't make it any more pleasant to deal with. I live for the few hours a month we get to see each other, and the time we spend keeping in touch in between. I look at where my life was a year ago today, and just gush when I think about where things are now, in this department.

The arena of friendship has been a very difficult pill to swallow ever since I left the security of my former life as a military spouse to the wilderness of civilian life with a military heart. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain, be they between sweethearts or even close friends of any gender. I pine for the days when I could wander in and out of the homes of my friends, meet and socialize, be involved in activities together.

I also feel caught in the middle of two dimensions of existence: domestic goddess and young, single modern woman. The two have almost nothing in common with each other. Domestic Goddess makes Gap and Old Navy cotton look chic. She thrives off of having a clean, organized home, age level-appropriate toys and TV for her children, healthy, balanced meals, sparkling laundry rooms complete with empty hampers, a handle on the ins and outs of running a household and being a homeowner. Young, Single, Modern Woman is focused on what she does, her interests, her hobbies, her health and fitness, how to fill weekends with down time and social interaction, mingling, networking, keeping an open mind in relationships, being well-rounded, etc. I love being a mom. It is the single most important job I've ever had, and my two children are some of the only things in my life I have managed to "do" right. If I died before the end of this post, I would feel like my life finally had meaning once these two beautiful creatures entered into my life. However, I'm not married. I can't always be domestic. I'm young and cute (OK, hot), and having to do the North American DoDo Mating Dance, which is so damned frustrating! (Rewarding yet frustrating at this age...) I'm not divorced, I don't have a husband to complain about, but people who are single don't have to care about being covered in nasty toddler diahrrea 15 minutes after they were supposed to have taken someone to school or showed up at a board meeting. Obviously, I have a hard time discerning what category(ies) I fall into. This translates itself in the friendship arena as trying to figure out with whom I share the most in common. To whom will I feel the closest bond? Will my married friends ever forsake sacred family time to come spend time with a single friend? Is it appropriate to even ask? Who will return the gesture of my friendship? I sit at home every single night, waiting for my evening phone call. When it comes after a night of socializing with friends, I admit I feel so jealous that he can have that outlet and I do not. Don't misunderstand me: I love the domestic side of my life. It's just so complex to weave these two sides together.

I could go on about several of these topics, but I think I've had enough of a bloggy blowout to satisfy some of you for at least a day or two. Things are still good, ever busy, and I can't wait for next week to be over. Bit o' advance warning: don't expect much blogging for another week or so. But I am still here. Steady and sure, as the heartbeat of a newborn baby trying to survive in a world she doesn't understand and in which she feels completely vulnerable all the time...

Athanasian Creed -- I Think They Make An Ointment For That

I was sitting here on a dreary March day having just put Bud and Li'l G down for naps/quiet time, and I decided to take a swing at some of the papers I've got to write for my Lay Ministry course. I pulled out my book for the Lutheran Identity course, entitled, "On Being Lutheran." (It's on my bookshelf to the right...) I had to respond to the questions for the chapter of my choice from the assigned reading, so I chose the chapter that I knew the least about, which was about the Athanasian Creed.

"The Atha-who?" you ask??? Precisely my thoughts. Apparently, the Lutheran Church confesses the Apostle's Creed, the Nicene Creed, and the Athanasian Creed. Check them out here if you aren't sure what I'm talking about. I have grown up in a family that has expressed their spirituality within the Lutheran denomination since the day I hit the skids. I had to memorize the Apostle's Creed for confirmation (although I had it down well before then), and after having dated a "good Catholic boy" for two years in high school, also was very familiar with the Nicene Creed, which is so beautifully worded. However, in all my 31 years (yipes! Did I just admit to being 31?!?), I have never even heard of this other one.

"GGG, why do we care about this?? Can't we just hear more about the birdie drama or something fun like that?!?" No! I promise I'm trying to get to a point here...

If you read through the Athanasian Creed, pop yourself some popcorn first and get a good, frosty Coke. It's long. (Which is very un-Lutheran, but then again, it was written well before Luther's time.) At any rate, here is the point that really struck me today (speaking on the true identity of Christ):

"...equal to the Father in divinity, subordinate to the Father in humanity..."

*Insert picture here of GGG's hair being blown straight back off her head... Am I the only person to whom this is a real revelation?!? OMG! Finally, someone has put something into words that I can understand with which I have wrestled for so many years.

Picture it: Texas, 1976-2008. A girl, born to a Christian, Lutheran family grows up, learning more about Jesus and God and growing her faith all her life, she struggles even as an adult to understand Jesus' relationship to the Father. What has perplexed me for years is the abstract concept of the Trinity, but especially the Father and the Son. When Jesus was here on earth, He prayed to the Father. The Father expressed being pleased with Him. He cried out to the Father on the cross. The Father turned His head during the fulfillment of the sacrifice of the the Perfect Lamb. How does this work if both are God??? That one phrase from the creed spelled it out for me so clearly: Yes, indeed, the Father and the Son share equal billing on the topic of divinity, but God the Son, through the state of His humanity, had to be subordinate to God the Father.

The word subordinate was very carefully chosen to create an accurate word picture for us to understand. If you click on that link to the FreeDictionary online, it gives several meanings for this word. One is that one person is under the control of another. Yet another is to make someone dependent or subservient. What I'm taking away here is the image of Jesus, praying in the garden that the cup would pass but still wanting God's will to prevail, put Himself in the position of giving God the Father control over Him. By being obedient, He was being subservient to God's will. And in our humanity, that is something that we must strive to do as well. Jesus modeled perfect submission so that we would humble ourselves to submit to God. And you little femi-nazis lurking in cyber-space who think, like our ol' friend Gloria Steinem, that submission means a woman in high heels and a dog collar chained to the stove or the washing machine to do every evil whim of that devil you call Husband, cool your jets a minute, please. Submission, when viewed in the light of the word "subservient," really means to surrender control. To trust. To get out of the way so God can do His thing. Not to be forced to eat rotten bananas for the rest of your life.

I really feel like I got to know a little more about Jesus today, even through that one little phrase. I sincerely hope you all don't think I'm telling you what to believe (hey, if you want that, just read the opening line to the creed! Ouch!!). I just had a personal revelation and I was giddy with anticipation to get to share it with everyone.

Book Review

I was in LifeWay today looking at books (because, you know, I don't have enough going on in my life and have hours to sit around contemplating life and reading for leisure). I've decided to read, The Case For Christ, by Lee Strobel, and then pass it along to R. Since one book wasn't enough to appease my appetite, I wandered through the relationship/marriage/parenting section. It's been a looong time since I had the stomach to even tolerate this aisle of the bookstore, since, to me, it represented exactly what I wanted that I didn't have and was starting to believe I'd never have again. But I digress...

So noticed a book about saving your marriage before it even began and thought, "That's a novel idea!" Just as I was reaching for it, I noticed the title, Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Begins. OK, here we GO! I have to admit, at first I was skeptical. There is almost no literature or any type of resources, Christian or secular, for widows/widowers who decide to venture into dating and marriage after loss of their spouse. I figured I would find more of the same: the same judgement passed that, just because you were about to embark on a second marriage, you were divorced (spoken in hushed, scandalized tones) and going down some sinful, regrettable road in your life. I was sooo pleasantly surprised! Written by a husband and wife Christian counseling team, they address nine questions to ask yourself before and after remarrying from the perspective of a divorcee, a widow/widower, and even the person who is marrying for the first time but is marrying someone for whom it will be their second marriage. Brilliant!

I sat down and read the first four chapters already. It was interesting to read what some of the questions were, for starters. They include:

1) Are You Ready To Get Married Again?
2) Have You Faced The Myths Of Marriage With Honesty?
3) Can You Identify Your Love Style?
4) Have You Developed The Habit Of Happiness?
5) Can You Say What You Mean And Understand What You Hear?
6) Have You Bridged The Gender Gap?
7) Do You Know How To Fight A Good Fight?
8) Do You Know How To Blend A Family?
9) Are You And Your Partner Soul Mates?

I highly recommend this book to anyone, regardless of circumstances, who is faced with the thrilling and intimidating thought of being married again. I would also challenge my married friends to grab this book (or its predecessor, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). They even have workbooks for men and women that have questionairres to help you assess where you are with each question, and although I haven't picked that up (I didn't see any), I think they'd make a great springboard for breaking the ice with your spouse/fiancee/etc. over these topics. I think the chapter about love style is an especially important one for couples who are already married. It really makes you stop and think about how much relationships change and just how much work marriage really is.