Backpacking Through Joshua: Week Two

I feel like I've waited until the eleventh hour to post this week, which is completely different from my involvement in Week One. I still have the enthusiasm to be involved, but between some traveling, kids being sick, and snow days, it has been near impossible to wipe my nose without someone needing something from me, much less sit down to really concentrate on what I've read and the questions posed for Week Two.

That being said, Week Two has been "weird" for me.

In a stunt very much unlike me, I have held off reading any other comments or postings from this week until I had time to pen my own. I get a lot out of hearing from others about how they reacted to a text, something they've experienced, or just thoughts in general about the subject matter, but this week I wanted to have my own pure, uninfluenced opinion hammered out before I engaged in any conversation.

Why is this such a big deal? Perhaps because I can see a lot of vulnerability in these questions. I spoke with a fellow student earlier about how I've been wrestling with this week's assignment and the questions because I cannot answer them in a way that isn't authentically "me" and feel good about my post. I also feel that this is a loaded area of Christian spirituality and application that has potential to cause polarity within groups of relatively like-minded people, and I have been on the receiving end of barbs tipped with points charged with scripture and emotion in regards to this area. I'm not really sure I want to open my mouth and get this started again.

But, warts and all, I am who I am. I am committed to putting things out there and wrestling with them fairly publicly, but I want any readers to know up front that these are my personal feelings and how I understand God to have been moving in my life. None of what I write here necessarily applies to others as a blanket statement, and what I think and how I understand God's instructions for me is constantly evolving over my lifetime. I am now and will always be a work in progress. If you are extremely conservative, fundamental, messianic, or some other group who has a very narrow interpretation of scripture, you might not like what you read here. Again, this is about me, coming from my perspective, and not meant to be condemning to others. If you read past here, don't say you weren't warned!

...hello... is anyone still out there?...

OK. I'm really not a monster or a spiritual freak of nature. Just know that I am the way I am. Now, let's move on!

First thing I want to say about Joshua 2 is that it was anticlimactic to me. I read this in both NKJV and NRSV and felt like there was an entire Hollywood movie that I missed. I think there was a lot of action going on that, for whatever reason, the author was not inspired by God to include. Bummer. However, what was there has really got my wheels turning.

Question: Why did the Israelite spies go to Rahab? Had they popped in for a quickie and got caught with their pants down? (Man, I crack myself up... that's really supposed to be OT humor, but I digress.) Seriously, though, why Rahab? Several resources say that she was conveniently located seeing as she lived along the wall near the gate. Has anyone ever been near a red light district or at least heard of them? Seen ladies sitting in the windows calling down to Johns? Of course she lived on the wall -- that was prime real estate for her. Location, location, location. Why Rahab and not some other madam? Why not a man, just some average guy who might help them out? Did they rush in because she sensed they were in danger, or were they already there for other reasons when things got dicey? The commentary in my NRSV Bible, The New Oxford Annotated Bible, says that it's not clear how they came to be there, but there is an innuendo or suggestion that it might've been for sexual favors. Furthermore, the Israelite camp from which they came was infamous for being where Israelite men met with Moabite women for "extracurricular activities," so we may never really know. (Interesting sidenote: they did not go on to complete the mission that Joshua sent them on but rather took Rahab's advice about hiding.) What is the point? The point is that God has in the past and continues today to do amazing things through some of the most unlikely people, and I personally believe that is "why Rahab". Does it irritate me that these men might've been there off task from their mission? Yes. Does even that keep God's will from being accomplished in the long run. No, praise the LORD. And not a one of those men (or woman) is more sinful than me, so case closed.

I love how God chose someone like Rahab to be involved in this drama. In the grand scheme of things, this was only one of many, many times there would be important battles fought, land conquered, and so on, but for some reason, she was important to have in the picture. We hear her mentioned in Hebrews 11:31, the only female mentioned by name in the litany of faithful believers listed to illustrate the point of living a faithful life, knowing that Jesus holds our reward at the finish line in heaven. She is also one of only four women listed in the lineage of Jesus in Matthew 1, which is a big deal scripturally speaking. So for some reason, we are meant to notice this woman and how God worked through her.

But still this contribution to the historical drama of Israel seems tiny; again, why is this one incident such a big deal? And clearly this woman was not a Christian. She talks about how all the Caananites hearts melted when they heard about what God's people had been able to do and begs for mercy because she knows which side is the right one to be on in this situation. She was a nonbeliever who acted in faith on what she knew about God, and it was accorded to her as righteousness in the annals of history... Hmm... interesting...

Then the questions for this week take a completely different turn because they talk about witnessing our faith through actions and living a life consistent with what we say we believe. I tried focusing on the word study for "worthy," but those of you who have heard me rant about certain words that are overused in reference to God will understand that I kinda petered out on that task. HisGirl mercifully helped me find an appropriate synonym, deserving. And as much as I prefer that word now, it's still kind of a no-brainer for me. Of course God is deserving of our love and adoration, deserving of a people who will be faithful to God's teachings, deserving of praise and thanks, and so on, ad infinitum.

Since this post is already long, I will cut right to the "Putting It Out There" Q&A:

1) Have you ever been influenced in either a positive or negative way concerning your relationship with Jesus? How does this influence your behaviour now?

2) How much responsibility do you think Christians have to live a particular way?

OK, ready or not, here I come...

1) In general, I'm going to say most of my influences have been positive. The first two people I think of are my mother and grandmother, giants in the faith in my life who are part of the reason I am who I am today and have exposed me to the love of Christ since I could probably understand my own name. There are countless others who have influenced me not by preaching or teaching, but by being examples to me of what it means to apply Christian beliefs into everyday living. These were not people who pontificated about alcohol or premarital sex. They were hard working, loving people who treated you like you were a Christian brother or sister, whether or not you really were. I think of the words, "kind," "gentle," and "compassionate" when I think about these people. There have been so many other precious friends along the way who have taught me so much about who God is and how to be open and receptive to a bona fide relationship with Christ that I know I would still be in the depths of despair were it not for these God-chosen, God-placed friendships. To list them all could take pages and pages, and I feel so blessed to be able to say that.

There have been a couple of negative influences along the way, of course. I think some of the experiences I've had, even fleeting ones, with extremely evangelical, conservative, fundamental churches or denominations have really hardened my heart toward many other Christians, which I find so sad and I know is not good. I hate that I feel that way, but if I'm really honest with myself, it's truly how I feel. The way I have seen scripture-based "righteous" hatred being handed out like tracts in an airport makes me angry and sick and, quite frankly, don't see how this conveys the love of Christ to anyone. It brings to mind the words in I John 4, especially vv. 11-12: "Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us." Another influence for better or worse was actually one that I never saw coming. Going through my two year training to be a parish lay minister exposed me to a lot of behind-the-scenes type church stuff as well as a lot of academic focus on faith, scripture and history. While this has opened up so many avenues of contemplation for me, it has almost crippled me as well. Sometimes I find myself longing for the day when I would read something, take it at face value, and have such a simple, unadulterated faith. I wish I could go back to that but I can't. It's like trying to pretend you never heard the truth about the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus. It has jaded me on some things but actually strengthened my core beliefs (I think) in some ways, so I guess that's been a mixed blessing.

Lastly, being married to a man who has vastly different religious, well, opinions (don't think he would call them beliefs) has been one of those positive and negative influences as well. To most Christians, they would say, "Yes, unequally yoked backslider, tell us more about this. Of course this is negative. You think there's something positive here? Sure, why don't you go ahead and share that???" OK, I will. Positives: In conversations where he has really put me to the test to articulate what I believe or what God says about certain things, there were many times when I knew what I wanted to say but lacked the right way to express it. Not being one to lay down a white flag or let someone else claim conversational victory (yes, I admit this is a huge, sinful pride issue at work here), these conversations really forced me to take a hard look at things and find answers for these questions that I could say that I believed 100%. If anything, he has inadvertently strengthened my resolve and helped me to get down to the basics of what/how I believe. Also, despite his feelings being so completely differently from mine, we all still attend church together, prayers and devotions are still done with the kids, and he openly supports decisions I have made about where to attend church, how I want to be involved (or the kids), and so on. I may be the one leading the march in the family, but he has always been committed to supporting me and has been unwavering on this, which blesses my heart so much. My late husband, a baptized Christian, was not near as supportive in this department, and while he had a deep, abiding faith that really amazed me at times, this was an area of that relationship which was neglected or even strongly discouraged, which I found oppressive emotionally. I finally feel like I have the freedom to respond to God's call without fear of reprimand or resentment, which is such a huge relief.

Negatives: I hate that I do not have a faith partner in him. There are many ways in which we struggle to understand each other because we are so different in how we function spiritually. HisGirl said that she really doesn't have anything in common with nonbelievers. On a certain level I can agree with that in my life, but I cannot agree 100%. I find that I have plenty in common with my husband (and other nonbelievers); however, when I try to see things through their eyes sometimes, I feel like we speak different languages. Something is lost in translation and I will never in a million years be able to wrap my mind about how they go about things or react to situations. I do not like that I cannot pray with him, nor can I ask him to pray for me. Oh, I pray for him constantly. Actually I've been praying for him for years before I even met him, but that's a different story altogether. If I was on my deathbed and I asked him to pray for me, would he? Maybe. I know he would tell me whatever I needed to hear to give me peace, but I don't know if he would follow through. If I was going through a cancer treatment and was scared to death and asked him to pray for me? Probably not, because he would tell you that God has nothing to do with the strength in my resolve to beat the disease and the amazing medical care I would receive. I hate that he will never understand me on a spiritual-cellular level because he just doesn't share my beliefs and these things are just as odd and foreign to him as he is to me in this area. Now, some of this could change with time. We dated for three years and then married in March 2010, so we are still relatively newlywed. Time -- and God -- will tell. In that I do have faith. I also have faith that this faith and belief given to me by God so that I can be a Christian servant of mankind cannot be taken away from me by the nonbelief of another human being. My husband, children, friends or neighbors could not remove this from my heart because to do so would be to disrupt the very DNA of who I am. I also do not believe foolishly that I can pray my husband into heaven or sway him into belief. My prayer is that God would continue to move in his life in real, tangible ways, just like God has so clearly moved in my life, and that my husband's heart would not be hardened to that experience and respond to God. If I truly believe in the power of prayer, that is the best way I can handle the situation.

2) I think you will have as many interpretations of this question and the "appropriate" answer as you have living, breathing humans who read it. My standard for living may exceed or be far inferior to that of other Christians. I almost don't know how to fairly answer this question. If you are a Christian and you cause others to work on the Sabbath, does that make you unobservant of the law? What about those who baptize infants? What about those denominations that rebaptize you when you join their church? What about people like me who marry someone whose faith is not identical to their own? What about Christians who consume caffeine or alcoholic beverages? Have had sex before marriage, even if was only with the person they ended up marrying?

I am reminded of one of the songs I learned in the Lutheran church as a child, "They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love." This song really captures the essence of living the Christian life for me. How will we be known? By the fruits we bear. By our love, by working side by side, by walking hand in hand. I strive to be one of those Christians who people will come up to and say, "What is it about you? There is something different about you, and I can't quite place it or wrap my mind around it..." I want people to see a flawed, real person who doesn't have the perfect marriage, perfect kids, or even a real idea of what she wants to be when she grows up but can say each and every day of her life that "the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new EVERY morning; GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!!!" (Lamentations 3:22-23, emphasis mine). I want them to question, after all I've been through, how sick I am that I am still willing to stand up and proclaim that when the "normal" response would be to feel angry, bitter, self-righteous, etc. That is when the real conversation can begin on why I can say that, how I know Jesus personally, and to be able to share that kind of testimony with people is something that I consider a huge responsibility. To simply say that Christians must live a life that is consistent with what God says through the scriptures and to not do that is to not really be a Christian or is irresponsible, "unsaved" behaviour is a narrow view that I really question. I don't believe in tossing the Ten Commandments aside like they don't mean anything; however, I think my interpretation of how God wants me to conduct myself is a little different than some would appreciate, and trust me -- many just don't. I really don't want to slam how others feel that the Holy Spirit is leading them to focus and conduct their lives, but I really struggle with honoring opinions of others who use the blood of the Lamb as a line of demarcation in society.

Phew! That wasn't so bad, was it? :)

My favorite verse from Week Two: "For we have heard how the LORD dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites that were beyond the Jordan, to Sihon and Og, whom you utterly destroyed. As soon as we heard it, our hearts melted, and there there was no courage left in any of us because of you. The LORD your God is indeed God in heaven above and on earth below." -- Joshua 2:10-11