Chosen

I had all these sweet, lovely plans for this blog, #200. You would think I had developed a sense of grace or style over the previous 199 blogs, but I must admit I'm feeling a little guilty for yesterday's uninhibited flow of mental chum that had built up to the point of bursting. The fact of the matter is that I am such a work in progress that it's not even funny. I feel inadequate to preach any sermons or give advice when I should deal with the plank in my own eye first. That being said, let's move on to bigger and brighter things!

We found out a little before Thanksgiving that God has blessed us with another baby, and by now I'm just over 11 weeks pregnant. We were feeling a little gun shy after having miscarried in early September and decided to wait until the end of the first trimester to say much of anything about it to anyone besides our parents. Well, we made it to 11 weeks which is still technically the first trimester, but it's still further than the last pregnancy had progressed.

I'll admit: I've had a nasty case of paranoia this time around. Some might say that's not abnormal considering I recently miscarried. I feel like I might be a little bit crazy but am so hopeful that we actually get to meet this child this time. I know that I am taking care of myself, probably better than I ever have before, so 99% of this is in God's hands. I prayed some time ago that, whenever God chose to bless us again with another baby, that I would have every possible pregnancy symptom so that I would know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I was pregnant and could always tell that I hadn't miscarried again. Ladies and gentlemen, I am thrilled to report that we serve a faithful God who really does answer prayer! I've had morning sickness (which I've never experienced before) and worse acne than any teenager could ever imagine. While these and other symptoms have been uncomfortable and not something I really want to experience, I'm really trying to keep a positive attitude about it and not complain. If I'm still enduring all these symptoms, I know that I am still pregnant and prayer is answered.

This was such an exciting thing to finally be able to share with Li'l G and Bud. We were having chocolate cake one afternoon, and we put a candle on my piece. The kids were very curious as to whose candle it was and why there was only one. R. asked them who in our family was so little that they were close to being one year old. They didn't quite get it, so we asked who in our family had not celebrated their first birthday yet. Of course, they both thought it was the dog, who truthfully has not celebrated her first birthday yet. However, we said that there was a new baby on the way who was going to be the youngest member of the family! They were so thrilled. To top it all off, I pointed out to Bud, who leads our family in all the mealtime prayers, that he had prayed before every meal, every day since the miscarriage, for God to send us another baby, and look what had happened as a result! Talk about a real-life teachable moment! Li'l G immediately smiled and closed her eyes, tossed back her sweet head, and shouted, "Thank you, LORD!" Pretty amazing kids.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately about many subjects, but my thoughts have especially been with my kids. Bud has had some weird, chronic stomach pain going on three months, and Li'l G has had trouble falling asleep lately. Nothing big, just things that tug on a mother's heart. As I was drying my hair the other day, noticing how physically I have already begun changing, I was conversating with God. I feel a little guilty calling it praying. I really feel as though I've got God on speakerphone on my iPhone, and I just pick it up and chat with God as I go through my day. At any rate, I was mulling over these things and really at a loss for how best to help my children and telling God that today, as with every other day, I lifted them up. In fact, I give them up to God daily. I realized just after giving birth to Li'l G that I am beyond blessed that God chose me to be their natural mother, but that God is their Heavenly Father who can love them more completely than I ever could, who will always be near to them when I am far away, who can watch over and protect them, guard their hearts and cover their little ears, guide them down the right paths in life, and so on. To me, they are on loan from God. They are God's creations, not mine, and it is my distinct privilege to be their mother. During this conversation, I realized that I had been chosen once more to bring another little life into the world, to nurture and love him or her, to raise this child and help them grow into an adult who will thrive and be a blessing to others. I know this is a massive stretch, but it did make me think about Mary, the mother of Jesus. She and I are both human and therefore sinful by nature, yet both of us were chosen to be stewards of a precious little life. Now, Mary's child and mine may not exactly be comparable, but Jesus did not only belong to Mary. She was called to give birth to Jesus, nurture and love him throughout his days, and you know a part of her saw her child as Jesus was beaten, suffering and dying. As a mother I can't begin to know the depths of her human pain. I know how much it hurts to see my children in any kind of pain, but her experience was on such a different level. It just makes me think how blessed it is to bear life into this world. And thinking about parents who may not be birth parents, I believe they are still chosen by God to be that particular child's parents and stewards in this life. You don't have to have devoted DNA to someone to have been chosen. And that is truly a holy honor.