Backpacking Through Joshua -- Week One

So the much-awaited day has finally come! Today kicked off an in-depth online Bible study of the Book of Joshua written by HisGirl, "Backpacking Through Joshua". I quickly wolfed down my lunch, got my Bible, my handy-dandy four colored pen, and curled up on the couch for some time in the Word.

We are taking this chapter by chapter. I decided to use my NRSV (New Revised Standard Version) New Oxford Annotated Bible for this study. I froth with pure delight at the thought of how rich the Old Testament is, and this particular version was a useful resource during my parish lay ministry classes. It's almost as though you have the benefit of picking a seminarian's brain if you desire commentary and the ability to simply read sans the linguistic flourishes (thee, thou, mayest, etc.), and modern "spin" (i.e., The Message). Like taking Biblical text, washing it with soap and warm water, letting it air dry, and you've gotten any residue off that may cloud what you're seeing. What I plan on doing is reading through each week in my NRSV and then looking at it again through another version, probably NKJV (New King James Version) or NLT (New Living Translation). Personally I find it can be such a blessing to look at the same text through the lens of several translations, but for my inital read I'd like to keep it a little more academic. Because that's just how I roll.

So, I read through the introduction and devoured chapter one.

Now what?!?

That was too short! Anticlimactic!

Then again, I have this problem in life as a general rule. Rather than being more deliberate, letting things sink in, or pondering upon things, I seem to constantly in a state of hyper-stimulation, hence the "now what" mentality. What the good LORD has been trying to show me for years now is that I need to put on the brakes and coast a while. I love how HisGirl has been encouraging us to not feel pressured to sit down and do this all in one sitting; rather, we can work through this at a slower pace and truly ruminate over what the Holy Spirit wants us to take away from this time spent in the Word. Another word I find myself using a lot so far this year is savor: there are so many things I want to take the time to savor in my life, lest they slip by, precious days and experiences never to be had again. I want to savor these words and value every one of them, so I will resist the temptation to work ahead or be in a hurry.

ASKING GOD

Each week we will have several questions to ponder. This week's questions:

1) What does this passage tell me about Your character?

2) Is there anything keeping me from being able to do what You're calling me to do? In what area(s) can I improve? Observing the law? Meditating on the Word? Getting moving?

3) Do I truly believe God is faithful? Do I believe He will not fail me or forsake me? Does my behavior reflect this? Why or why not?

My responses:

1) As chapter one opens, God is speaking directly to Joshua. God gives him exact, direct instructions about what he is to do and how he is to do it. God reminds him of the promises made to Moses about providing a home land. This tells me that there will be times when God will speak clearly and directly in our lives. Furthermore, God reassures Joshua at least three times to be strong and courageous. This tell me that God is our number one fan, cheering us on and giving us the pep talk we need sometimes to get up and get going! Lastly, God reminds Joshua that God will be faithful to him. Just like a parent asking their child to jump to them in the pool, God reminding Joshua of God's solidarity and reliability in v. 5b. Some versions say that God will never leave or forsake; some say fail or abandon. Either way, God is clearly here to stay.

2) In which area can improve? Uh, hello -- ALL of them! The one I most readily see and to which I fully admit is meditating on the Word. I have not been involved in a Bible study -- a truly thirst-slaking, enriching delving into Scripture -- since my parish lay ministry studies, and then it was so cerebral and academic that it was almost, well, I won't say faith-shaking, but at times muddling or confusing. It was great stuff academically, but sometimes that is a fine line to walk, and it can have long-term effects on beliefs. I digress. I finally got back into PWOC, but it was more of a study of Christian living. The points were good in the study book, but I found less and less time to devote to proper study and it fell by the wayside. Maybe I'm also falling short on getting moving, as in getting motivated to be disciplined about being consistent and setting aside reading/study time. It's my prayer that the level of accountability with this study will aide me in working in this area.

3) In a word, yes, yes, and mostly yes. Now let's unpack this:

Basically, yes, I do believe that God is faithful. If you've read more than one post on this blog, you understand that I have personal experience with God in this category. When I step back from the timeline that is my life and look for God's fingerprints of faithfulness on it, I can clearly see them everywhere. But up close and on the day-to-day level, it's not always so easily to acknowledge. I feel like major scum admitting this "out loud," but I am trying to be completely transparent here. I struggled for days/weeks/months/maybe even years with this concept after T. died, and even occasionally since then. I need to remind myself to step back and look for those fingerprints of faithfulness more often and appreciate the regularity with which they occur. And be thankful.

Basically, yes, I do believe that God will not leave me or forsake me. For some reason this concept is much easier for me to accept. Even though it was hard to feel thrilled about what was supposed to be God's faithfulness even when life was fairly miserable, I never once doubted God's presence and knowledge of my life, my heart, my situation. Even in the depths of grief and bewilderment I never felt alone. True, there have been times when God felt farther away than others, but that was mostly on my part. I would withdraw and be distant, but God was still -- always -- there, waiting. Being patient. Not demanding of my love, my attention, my time. Just waiting. As my icy heart would thaw, I would finally seek God again, sometimes in relief and joy, sometimes tucking my tail between my legs in remorse. I may have left/forsaken/abandoned, but God never did that to me. Not once. Not even when I deserved it. That is such a sweet, humbling thought to me...

As far as my behavior goes, I said mostly yes but I couldn't say that absolutely for sure. I know how I feel deep down in the core of Me, and I know that core will not change. That makes it easy for me to say, Why certainly my life reflects this! Isn't it obvious?!?, when to the casual observer, or maybe even close friend, my life may seem completely incongruent to what I truly believe. I think for me, the times during which my behavior has appeared to lack in this area, my beliefs never changed, but trying to express those beliefs from a place of grief, confusion, overwhelmedness (is that even a word?), or stress has not been particularly successful for me. I know and believe that Satan preys on us in our weaknesses and at our lowest points, and we become very reactive. When you're in that state of being reactive, that does not really reflect a heart that knows God and trusts God to be faithful. That doesn't reflect a trust that God is the reliable One about whom we read in places like Joshua 1. This is a constant, daily gut check for me. I do believe I've moved to a place in my life (again) where I need to hear these things, and I am receptive of these promises and can truly appreciate the fact that I know from experience that they are true.

PUTTING IT OUT THERE

This last section is the part truly meant for discussion in the groups. Two questions:

1) What made you decide to join this adventure? What do you hope will come from the study?

2) In what ways have you found God to be faithful recently? If you have a hard time answering this, why do you think that is?

My responses:

1) I've sort of answered this already -- see answers to #2 and #3. Really, my life has been lacking this deep, meaty substance in the spiritual category. I don't want to just be labeled, "Christian," "Lutheran," "PWOCer," etc. Labels, like covers of books, can be deceiving and not truly represent what you find on the inside. Just like human relationships, I believe that a relationship with God takes a little work on our part -- we can't cultivate a relationship with someone unless we avail ourselves to them, and so it is with God. I'm at a time in my life where I need to restore this relationship a) because I know I need to and it's a priority to me, plain and simple, and b) because I believe, for me, that it is risky to take a single step in life without having the assurance of a relationship with my God.

2) There are any number of ways I could answer this. The absolute best way I have found recently will probably be one of my next blogs...

And so I wrap up my reflections on Week One. I cannot wait to see what this study has in store for myself and all of the other ladies who have committed to participate. I'm really looking forward to reading all of their reflections and responses to see the Holy Spirit working in their lives and wonder how some of their experience might impact my life at some point. Either way, this promises to be an exciting, insightful journey!

My favorite verse from this week: "...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." -- Joshua 1:5b