Let The Airing of Grievances Begin!

I tell ya, I have been on a real tear now for a while. Every five minutes yesterday I picked up my phone to tweet about something that was really gettin' under my skin, but thankfully I listened to my conscience and reconsidered, lest I post something that was just rude and cranky. But I realized as the day progressed that I may not be the only person out here who feels this way, and sometimes a good rant is just in order. I really am not angry about anything, just a little irritated here and there. Kinda like sporadic diaper rash or something, I don't know. There are just a few grievances I'd like to get out in the open. In the spirit of Festivus, as Mr. Constanza would say, let the grievances begin!

First of all, if you haven't seen the Festivus clips from "Seinfeld," here ya go:

If you are a "Seinfeld" fan, you will find this hysterical; otherwise, skip it. Let's hit it!

SUZANNE SOMERS

This is really what got it all started for me yesterday. I had come home from a walk and working in the yard and was changing clothes in my room. It is my habit to turn on the local NBC affiliate in the morning to check news and weather, and I must have left the TV on after I went downstairs to get on with my day. Either way, "Live With Regis and Kelly" was on, which I normally miss since the TV is normally off by that time of day. Suzanne Somers was the guest, and she was promoting a book she recently "wrote". It FLOORED me how this movie star was going on and on about how she sits in restaurants and criticizes people. She claimed that, if a person has a puffy face, then you know they are gluten intolerant. Really, Dr. Somers? I'm gluten intolerant? Oh, wait a minute... I'M PREGNANT! Maybe my lower abdominal swelling is due to the presence of strains of candida replicating out of control in my rotten gut like you suggest... Oh, wait yet another minute... That would be MY BABY. Wow, too bad you spent all that time and money on medical school to incorrectly diagnose my puffy face and bloated gut... Oh, wait yet another minute... you HAVEN'T attended medical school! That's right! I just wanted to barf (not morning sickness) as she proceeded to condescend to Seth Meyers and Kelly Ripa and the audience about all the ills of our diets, lifestyles, ad nauseum. If you go to her website and blog, you get more of her edicts from on high about hormones, the crappy food we eat, and basically how the medical community is a bunch of three year-olds playing dress up and wearing adult-sized stethoscopes. In her blog she quotes all sorts of medical journals and articles. I would do a Man v. Food chili dog challenge if she has read even 5% of the articles she quotes. If she wants me to take her seriously, then she needs to go to school, pay her dues, and put "M.D." after her name. Until then, she can go sit with Sean Penn and Woody Harrelson in a corner booth at an exclusive Hollywood dive and bore them to death. I mean, where on earth would we be without these theatrical prophets in the wilderness?!?

DOGS THAT POOP ON CARPET

Does this really need explanation? I am at the end of my rope dealing with my dog and her psychotic bowels. Just because you smell a place where you had a LEGITIMATE accident four months ago does not give you free reign to drop it like it's hot on the stairs. Ever.

POLITICAL WARFARE IN THE MEDIA

OK, guys, are we seriously turning the tragedy in Arizona into a Sarah Palin story? I think most of us could've told you over 225 years ago that there were going to be radicals reacting to the passionate, extreme rhetoric we hear in the political arenas. People died at the hands of a young man who smiled like a demon in his mug shot. I'd really rather focus on the stories of the lives impacted than a) give this guy any more media attention or b) turn this into partisan politics and finger pointing.

On one hand, looking at the current state of politics in our nation, a part of me really loves the fact that people are getting hot and bothered and pushing back. It reminds me of famous quotes from history, such as, "Give me liberty or give me death!" which are an indelible part of our national fabric. It was these crazy, radical individuals that dumped the tea into Boston Harbor, wrapped their feet in wrags and fought the British in the snow, and penned the words to our national anthem. There is, however, too much of a good thing. Where is the line that is crossed between being patriotic and being a menace to society? That may seem like hyperbole, but in the retrospective light of history, it might not be. I loved hearing people get up at town hall meetings over the last year or two and talk over senators to be sure they got the point about the Obamacare situation. I love the fact that the voters have really turned things upside down in the last two elections. It gives me hope that this nation still has a pulse and really cares enough about its future to exercise its power at the polls. At the same time, too much of a good thing can be its own undoing. Why is it so offensive to talk politics amongst intelligent adult company? Because you might offend someone. Oh dear. If we could restore civility in our society at large, we would be able to have these coherent, respectful debates and still get somewhere without the gun imagery, crosshairs, name calling, eye rolling, and crazy madmen coming out of the woodwork. But in an age where road rage is more common that good manners, I guess we're going to have to either come to terms with the state of things or get off our butts and take our society back before the nutjobs run it into the ground. I won't even get started on the power of prayer here. This is enough of a righteous rant to begin with...

BATTLE HYMN OF THE TIGER MOTHER

This is actually a rave. I was so proud of this woman I could have kissed her square on the mouth. I will admit I've taken to watching "The Today Show" in the morning, partly because it's NYC hype and I live in this general part of the country now, and also because it comes on after my local news and weather go off in the morning during the pre-school routine. At any rate, I am fully aware of the left-wing tendencies of this show and tend to take it with a grain of salt; in fact, I do enjoy it most days. That being said, Meredith Viera interviewed a woman today who is Chinese and a mother of two daughters. This woman has written a book with the title shown above. In a nutshell, she talks about how her strict parenting can raise "perfect" kids. Now, we all know that kids stand as much chance at being perfect as we do at being called up personally by Hugh Hefner after giving birth to a couple of eight- or nine pounders and asked to be a centerfold. But I digress. What I loved was this: Meredith Viera was clearly trying to get this mother to admit that her parenting style was extreme and ineffective. This lady clearly articulated her beliefs and did not cave in to Viera's leading line of questioning, but rather stood her ground and further expanded on exactly what type of parenting practices she's talking about. She admitted to some failures with one of her daughters and talked about how much even her parenting has changed. Score One for mom right there. Here is the best part: the mother mentioned that she thought it was odd that everyone is calling this "Chinese parenting," when in her opinion, this used to be traditional Western parenting. BINGO! Game, set, match for Tiger Mom! She talked about how disrespectful children are allowed to behave, how little supervision they have, the unfettered liberties they are given, and the lack of clear boundaries that are supporting our kids making terrible choices in their lives -- drugs, alcohol, teenage pregnancy to name only a few. And the Today show definitely painted her to be the bad guy in how they worded things: no playdates, mandatory piano and violin lessons, no complaining, all A's on report cards and nothing less, etc. When she spoke, she talked about taking family bike rides and spending time together as a family; she was standing there next to her daughter supervising her piano practice. Just for a minute, let's have a show of hands: how many parents reading this right now usually drop off their child at a sports or music practice and either stay in the car or drive away to run errands, take another child to another activity, etc.? What I saw was a mother taking her family back from the influence of pop culture and pop culture parenting. Good.For.Her!

DEBATES ON FACEBOOK

Clearly, as evidenced on this blog today and many other times, I enjoy a lively reparte. Sometimes I may stir things up just to make conversation interesting, but more times than not I am speaking about something that has caused me personal conviction, I have a unique personal experience, or so on. The debates I have seen over relatively trivial issues on Facebook blows my mind! Case in point: Sing4Joy posted something the other day about getting rid of a Tempurpedic bed. Someone immediately suggested the evil Sleep Number mattress. The debate that ensued was nothing short of passionate. I clearly saw more than one person seeming to be huffy that others were posting negative reviews of this product and preferred something else over it. Really? Seriously?!? Of course I added my two cents' worth to the mix. My experience was that I had slept on the dreaded Sleep Number mattress the night before a ten mile race and woke up feeling as if I had been beaten up and down my spine with baseball bats all night. I was stiff and almost sore, kind of like I thought I would feel after running ten miles but not prior to said event. One of the pro-Sleep Number postees inquired ever so gently, "Are you sure it wasn't nerves? Most people have problems with nerves before big races." (or something to that effect). Really?!? I had no idea. Thank you for identifying that problem for me. I have never entered an athletic event before, nor have I ever experienced pre-event jitters. Wow. Thanks. Definitely could not have been the $5,000 AIR MATTRESS I was sleeping on. Definitely not.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

I'm going to end this blog with a rave and stick up for another underdog. I was listening to one of my favorite local radio stations on this new iPhone app I picked up for $0.99 (best ninety-nine cents I've ever spent!) and there was a commercial for their lunchtime flashback hour. They play '80s hits over the lunch hour and the commercial had this lady talking about all the glory of the '80s, like when "Saturday Night Live" was still funny. You know, I've had about enough of hearing this, and I'm fairly certain many of the actors over the last twenty years have had it, too. We have seen some real comedic talent come out of the Not Ready For Prime Time Players, or the comedic cast of SNL. Show of hands: how many of you agree with the lady in the commercial? OK, put your hands down if you think Will Farrell, Adam Sandler, Tracy Morgan and Jimmy Fallon are at all entertaining. What about Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon, or Ana Gasteyer? These men and women are actually quite good at what they do, and if you watch more often than every five years, it's easy to see what each person's strength is. Many of these actors have developed characters that are just as popular as Roseanne Rosannadanna or the Coneheads. Do the Spartan cheerleaders or Mary Katherine Gallagher come to mind? Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig are some of the funniest ladies I've seen lately as well. True, the writing for the show has had its ups and downs over the years, but overall the actors are pretty darned good. If you have ever liked SNL in the past and have stopped watching it because it's not as funny as it used to be when you were about 13, do yourself a favor and watch it again for the next several weeks. You might be surprised that you see some really good stuff going on there. Personally I find this a lot more entertaining that many of the other options on TV these days, but then again I'm hard to please. No way!!!

Now that the airing of grievances is over, on to the Feats of Strength, George!