OK, so after that last post, I'm updating my desk calendar to see what today's verse was. Look what little gem He left under my pillow:
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." --James 1:12
Man, He is soooo reading my mail. Gotta love it.
Showing posts with label today's verse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label today's verse. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Happy Anniversary, Schmupps...
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God... Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear." --Hebrews 12:1-2, 28 (NKJV)
Dearest Tom,
I wanted to make my last verse dedicated to you. I think of you every time I read vv. 1 and 2, and it gives me such hope. It helps me endure the long days as they spread out before me, here without you, knowing that I am surrounded by you and others who love me and cheer me on, praying encouragement and strength over me.
Over this last year I really hope you have been saying extra prayers for me. I hope that God has allowed you to peek into my heart, and then again, I don't. The saying that "time heals all" has felt more like a cruel joke than words of wisdom. This year has been harder than any other since you died. The longer we are apart, the harder I struggle. So many times I feel myself falling, feeling so lost and out of sorts. I went through such a dark time, a season in which past hurts were choking out my happy memories of you like wild, bristly thistles in a delicate herb garden. Just when I am ready and willing to move on, I come across baggage like this that dashes my faith and my hope. As I wrote those letters where I was supposed to be forgiving you of being some inconsiderate person, I realized my own depravity, my own sinfulness against you and realized how desperately I needed your words of forgiveness.
As I sat there in the blazing Texas heat with my hand over where yours would be, six feet underneath me in white cotton gloves, my mind raced through a rolodex of memories we made. I remembered the song being played in the hangar as you were the last man in the door at the redeployment ceremony in FT Riley, and the travel-weary smile you gave me as I smothered you in a relieved hug. I remembered how you cried so hard you almost couldn't get out the words, "I love you," the first time you told them to me, the song you had picked out for that moment, and how I drove the two hours home in happy tears. I remembered the sound of your voice, your easy laugh, and the way your eyes danced when you smiled. I also remembered seeing you for one last time in the church. You laid there, in dress blues ready to be taken into the sanctuary one last time on the shoulders of the soldiers who loved you. You were in the same exact place we were standing after leaving the church when we married, and we did a 'high five' because we were exhilarated to finally be down the aisle. Our marriage began and ended in the same place; how strange...
I need to know you are in that cloud of witnesses, Tom. The kids need to know it, too. All three of us have such a long road ahead of us. I struggle with knowing how to incorporate you into our lives without breaking their hearts, or mine for that matter. The next chapter in our lives has already begun and is moving in a good, happy direction. How do I appropriately keep you in the family without hurting him? While I'm at it, how weird is it to love two insanely different men? I wish beyond all wishing that God would just allow you a couple of words to me, a kind of "seal of approval," on everything, just to let me know that I'm doing the right thing. I feel good about all the choices that I have made so far, but knowing that it would pass muster with you would give me enormous peace of mind.
I didn't ask to be plopped in the big middle of this race I'm in, but as long as I'm here, I want to do it right, to make it to the end not just with a huff and a puff, but with flying colors. All I can think of is to keep my head down and just keep going toward what I know is right -- to keep my heart open to God's words and my eyes focused on the cross. Just promise me that you will be there with the others to tell me, "Welcome home," when I make it across that finish line.
Happy 8th anniversary, Schmupps; I miss you...
Dearest Tom,
I wanted to make my last verse dedicated to you. I think of you every time I read vv. 1 and 2, and it gives me such hope. It helps me endure the long days as they spread out before me, here without you, knowing that I am surrounded by you and others who love me and cheer me on, praying encouragement and strength over me.
Over this last year I really hope you have been saying extra prayers for me. I hope that God has allowed you to peek into my heart, and then again, I don't. The saying that "time heals all" has felt more like a cruel joke than words of wisdom. This year has been harder than any other since you died. The longer we are apart, the harder I struggle. So many times I feel myself falling, feeling so lost and out of sorts. I went through such a dark time, a season in which past hurts were choking out my happy memories of you like wild, bristly thistles in a delicate herb garden. Just when I am ready and willing to move on, I come across baggage like this that dashes my faith and my hope. As I wrote those letters where I was supposed to be forgiving you of being some inconsiderate person, I realized my own depravity, my own sinfulness against you and realized how desperately I needed your words of forgiveness.
As I sat there in the blazing Texas heat with my hand over where yours would be, six feet underneath me in white cotton gloves, my mind raced through a rolodex of memories we made. I remembered the song being played in the hangar as you were the last man in the door at the redeployment ceremony in FT Riley, and the travel-weary smile you gave me as I smothered you in a relieved hug. I remembered how you cried so hard you almost couldn't get out the words, "I love you," the first time you told them to me, the song you had picked out for that moment, and how I drove the two hours home in happy tears. I remembered the sound of your voice, your easy laugh, and the way your eyes danced when you smiled. I also remembered seeing you for one last time in the church. You laid there, in dress blues ready to be taken into the sanctuary one last time on the shoulders of the soldiers who loved you. You were in the same exact place we were standing after leaving the church when we married, and we did a 'high five' because we were exhilarated to finally be down the aisle. Our marriage began and ended in the same place; how strange...
I need to know you are in that cloud of witnesses, Tom. The kids need to know it, too. All three of us have such a long road ahead of us. I struggle with knowing how to incorporate you into our lives without breaking their hearts, or mine for that matter. The next chapter in our lives has already begun and is moving in a good, happy direction. How do I appropriately keep you in the family without hurting him? While I'm at it, how weird is it to love two insanely different men? I wish beyond all wishing that God would just allow you a couple of words to me, a kind of "seal of approval," on everything, just to let me know that I'm doing the right thing. I feel good about all the choices that I have made so far, but knowing that it would pass muster with you would give me enormous peace of mind.
I didn't ask to be plopped in the big middle of this race I'm in, but as long as I'm here, I want to do it right, to make it to the end not just with a huff and a puff, but with flying colors. All I can think of is to keep my head down and just keep going toward what I know is right -- to keep my heart open to God's words and my eyes focused on the cross. Just promise me that you will be there with the others to tell me, "Welcome home," when I make it across that finish line.
Happy 8th anniversary, Schmupps; I miss you...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Today's Verse: Psalm 100
I just woke up this morning feeling so refreshed and well -- I had a song in my heart! And this was it (coming from v. 4):
"1Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth. 2Worship the LORD with gladness; come into his presence with singing. 3Know that the LORD is God. It is he that made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 4Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him, bless his name. 5For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." (NRSV)
Maybe your joyful noise is musical -- singing, playing an instrument, etc. Maybe it's the sound of the washing machine as you conquer a week's worth of piled up laundry. Or perhaps it's the sound of the lawnmower as you maintain your yard. Today we are given love anew, grace anew, chances anew. The day is fresh, and the Shepherd has blessed us all with life for another day. Now get out there and enjoy your weekend!
"1Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth. 2Worship the LORD with gladness; come into his presence with singing. 3Know that the LORD is God. It is he that made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 4Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him, bless his name. 5For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." (NRSV)
Maybe your joyful noise is musical -- singing, playing an instrument, etc. Maybe it's the sound of the washing machine as you conquer a week's worth of piled up laundry. Or perhaps it's the sound of the lawnmower as you maintain your yard. Today we are given love anew, grace anew, chances anew. The day is fresh, and the Shepherd has blessed us all with life for another day. Now get out there and enjoy your weekend!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Today's Verse: Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (NKJV)
Direction is the word I received from this passage today. I had to go to the NKJV to find this wording. The NIV says that God will make our paths straight, but that imparts a completely differnent meaning to me. (Amazing how one holy book can have such differentiation...)
To me, I read the NIV and think about God taking the chaos of my life and ironing it all out. Taking away all the uncertainty, change, self-doubt, and voila -- just getting rid of it. Without these things that make me stagger around like toddler in her mothers heels, my paths will finally be straight. But I don't buy into that explanation.
I like the NKJV because it doesn't guarantee that straigtness of path. Instead, I hear God saying, "If you trust me with your heart, your life, your future, I will point you in the direction in which I know you need to go. There are no guarantees about straightness of path, bumpiness, or possible detours. But it's still the right direction to get you where you need to go, which is back to Me."
I began my day with a headache, again, as per usual it would seem. I woke up with an agitated spirit, an uneasiness that waxes and wanes within me like the cycles of the moon. (And no, S4J, I'm not PMSing! Haha!!) Someone described me yesterday as being "needy" in regards to a hypothetical situation, and the result of this conversation left me reeling in many ways.Some Most of you have never met me in person (man, I feel sorry for you!!! Haha, just kidding... sort of...), but if you've read many of my blogs, I'm a fairly independent person. Yes, I do accept help from others when I feel it's necessary or would benefit my mental health. But by-and-large, the word "needy" is not the first thing that comes to mind when I think about my personality traits.
This whole "needy" thing is not really necessary for you all to know, but it spurred me, once again, to consider the path that my life is on, if, in fact, it is even on one. I'm the kind of person that is passionate and driven most of the time, but am also wracked with self-doubt and lack of confidence at times. I see a million things I need to do, ways to improve the kind of mother that I am, the constant uncertainty of my future, and it makes me feel so trapped. And then, like the Casting Crows song, "Voice of Truth," says, I hear the voice of Jesus singing over me and can step out of that mire long enough to hear this encouraging word. As usual, I needed that boost in the "trust" and "faith" department.
Like most people in my age range, we feel like we have to have a sense of direction for our lives. Some women feel like they have to check off the "career" box before they can even entertain the thought of marriage or children. Others believe their career is to be in the home caring for their family. Men are expected to have ambition, drive, and goals, and those who gravitate back toward the womb and live out of their parents' basement are looked at as having no direction in their lives. We've got to be going somewhere, improving ourselves, preparing for retirement while we are still young enough to work ourselves to death. Our jobs, be they in or out of the home, domestic or otherwise, socially define us as who we are. Try telling a man you meet in a bar or on a blind date what you do for a living when you're a stay-at-home mom. It's a tough pill to swallow, not because I'm ashamed of it, but because of what everyone else's perception is of me.
Direction. How do we know if we're headed in the right one? There's a delicate balance for a modern Christian between praying and laying back, expecting God to pull off something fabulous, and "taking life by the horns" and doing it your way, which can be disatrous. I long for the days when my kids were infants. You had direction then: eat, sleep, poop. Now that my life has changed so much, I feel like I'm walking down that path in "Alice in Wonderland," where those weird animals are erasing the path Alice is walking on. Pretty soon, she's lost in the woods, looking around like, "Crap -- now where do I go?!?"
Alice didn't have her Bible with her, otherwise maybe she would've read this verse and not panicked so much. I need to put this verse in front of my face on a daily basis. I know this condition of my life won't change overnight, and verses like this give me hope that I'm doing the right thing. And even if I'm not, God does give second chances; it's never too late to change directions in that respect.
Direction, LORD, is what I need right now...
Direction is the word I received from this passage today. I had to go to the NKJV to find this wording. The NIV says that God will make our paths straight, but that imparts a completely differnent meaning to me. (Amazing how one holy book can have such differentiation...)
To me, I read the NIV and think about God taking the chaos of my life and ironing it all out. Taking away all the uncertainty, change, self-doubt, and voila -- just getting rid of it. Without these things that make me stagger around like toddler in her mothers heels, my paths will finally be straight. But I don't buy into that explanation.
I like the NKJV because it doesn't guarantee that straigtness of path. Instead, I hear God saying, "If you trust me with your heart, your life, your future, I will point you in the direction in which I know you need to go. There are no guarantees about straightness of path, bumpiness, or possible detours. But it's still the right direction to get you where you need to go, which is back to Me."
I began my day with a headache, again, as per usual it would seem. I woke up with an agitated spirit, an uneasiness that waxes and wanes within me like the cycles of the moon. (And no, S4J, I'm not PMSing! Haha!!) Someone described me yesterday as being "needy" in regards to a hypothetical situation, and the result of this conversation left me reeling in many ways.
This whole "needy" thing is not really necessary for you all to know, but it spurred me, once again, to consider the path that my life is on, if, in fact, it is even on one. I'm the kind of person that is passionate and driven most of the time, but am also wracked with self-doubt and lack of confidence at times. I see a million things I need to do, ways to improve the kind of mother that I am, the constant uncertainty of my future, and it makes me feel so trapped. And then, like the Casting Crows song, "Voice of Truth," says, I hear the voice of Jesus singing over me and can step out of that mire long enough to hear this encouraging word. As usual, I needed that boost in the "trust" and "faith" department.
Like most people in my age range, we feel like we have to have a sense of direction for our lives. Some women feel like they have to check off the "career" box before they can even entertain the thought of marriage or children. Others believe their career is to be in the home caring for their family. Men are expected to have ambition, drive, and goals, and those who gravitate back toward the womb and live out of their parents' basement are looked at as having no direction in their lives. We've got to be going somewhere, improving ourselves, preparing for retirement while we are still young enough to work ourselves to death. Our jobs, be they in or out of the home, domestic or otherwise, socially define us as who we are. Try telling a man you meet in a bar or on a blind date what you do for a living when you're a stay-at-home mom. It's a tough pill to swallow, not because I'm ashamed of it, but because of what everyone else's perception is of me.
Direction. How do we know if we're headed in the right one? There's a delicate balance for a modern Christian between praying and laying back, expecting God to pull off something fabulous, and "taking life by the horns" and doing it your way, which can be disatrous. I long for the days when my kids were infants. You had direction then: eat, sleep, poop. Now that my life has changed so much, I feel like I'm walking down that path in "Alice in Wonderland," where those weird animals are erasing the path Alice is walking on. Pretty soon, she's lost in the woods, looking around like, "Crap -- now where do I go?!?"
Alice didn't have her Bible with her, otherwise maybe she would've read this verse and not panicked so much. I need to put this verse in front of my face on a daily basis. I know this condition of my life won't change overnight, and verses like this give me hope that I'm doing the right thing. And even if I'm not, God does give second chances; it's never too late to change directions in that respect.
Direction, LORD, is what I need right now...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Today's Verse: Matthew 18:3-5
"And [Jesus] said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my names welcomes me.' "
I don't know about you, but I know I could take a lesson in humility and simplicity from my children on a daily basis. The things we expect our kids to do (using manners, not exploding in rage but handling our emotions maturely, etc.), the things we expect them not to do (cutting in line, selfishly putting one's own desires before that of another, making healthy choices of what they consume -- be it food, entertainment, ad nauseum...) and so on would be a daunting task for any adult. Yet, we expect them to adhere to these standards immediately. As the great sage Shawna (a friend of mine) has quipped, "To delay is to disobey." When it comes to our children, the rule is usually to do something the first time you are asked. How many times have we put off our kids with a, "In just a minute," or, "Let me get to a stopping point and then I'll..."???
Children see things so plainly, so distilled into one category or another: right or wrong, black or white, veggies or candy. They don't get caught up in nuances or hypotheticals. Partly because they can't process these complexities, but some days I don't think that's such a bad thing.
I have put off lots of important work I needed to do this summer: I still have papers to write for Lay Ministry, there are still obnoxious, ever-multiplying stacks of crapola in my office and kitchen, and I still have a cross-stitch birth record I started for Lil' G two months before she was born that is in my dresser of projects to be finished. Honestly, this list could get out of control. But I have resolved something at the beginning of this summer, and that is to cherish every moment. They are growing up under my nose, and these precious few years when our lives are so closely connected without the interruption of hormones, extra-curricular activity, and Hannah Montana are quickly slipping through my fingers. I want to see the world through the precious, innocent eyes of my children, hear their laughter at nonsense words, see the glow of summer sun on their soft skin. I want to take their example of humility and obedience and make it stick in my own heart so that I can model my expectations consistently and not be a hypocrite, someone who expects to have perfect kids while they slack off in the shadows.
These are undoubtedly the faces that will flash across my mind as my children grow up, move on, and worry over their own chilren. It just doesn't get any better than this.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Today's Verse: Psalm 4:8
"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Today's Verse(s): Baptism Narratives
For the sake of blogspace and your sanity, I will refrain from posting all of the narratives of Jesus' baptism here. Click on the title of today's blog to head over to Biblegateway.com if you don't have a Bible handy. For efficiency's sake, here's where I'm focusing for today:
Matthew 3:13-17
Mark 1:9-11
Luke 3:21-22
John 1:29-34
Actually, including the passage from John is kind of going through the "back door," so to speak. The first three gospels, a.k.a., the Synoptic Gospels, all share a common source, Quello, commonly called Q by Bible scholars, theologians, and other Bible nerds like me. It's a German word meaning, "Source." The Gospel of John did not gather information from Q and is therefore not part of the club. Instead, the account given in John is the testimony of John the baptizer, which is why I call it a back door. (In all honesty and accuracy, they are all based on testimony and oral tradition, but I've already taken you too far into the scholastic side than I need to; I just enjoy this kind of topic.)
ANYHOO! Right, so, we are looking at the baptism narratives. I've always been told that, if you find something in more than one gospel, then it's an extremely important concept or truth that the authors (plural!!) were trying to convey, regardless of who the target audience was for each gospel. The fact that all three synoptic gospels include this narrative is important, and even the authors of John thought it was crucial information to pass along.
We as 21st century, Westernized Christians (for the most part, that seems to be my readership) have several differing views of baptism, but it would appear that we all agree on the fact that it is a life-changing event. Many American/Non-denom's, Baptists, Methodists, and perhaps others along these denominational lines believe that you must make a personal choice to accept Jesus into your heart, and that is when you seal the deal with baptism. A common support for adult baptism is John 3:3, where Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."
I don't know about Episcopalians, Anglicans, various types of Catholics, or Presbyterians, but Lutherans deal with the concept of baptism differently. We believe that, through baptism, God comes to us and chooses us to be His people. There is nothing we can do to "work our way up" to God. We are not saved the day we are dipped into blessed waters. We were saved 2000 years ago when Jesus died on the cross. God comes to us and creates this covenant bond with us in the waters of our baptism, washes over our hearts with His agape, unconditional love. And just because you're baptized doesn't mean, "Ha, ha, Satan! I'm on home base!! Nanny-nanny boo-boo!" It's how we choose to let this affect our hearts and lives, or not, that seals the deal. Martin Luther said something to the effect of, "We are saved by grace through faith, and that not of our own." It is only by God's grace that He gives us the measures of faith we need to rely on Him. We don't have the power to naturally, or even cognizantly, choose to follow Him and do it right. Every single blog I read confirms that I'm not the only one in this sinking ship of life struggles! It is when we let the levees around our hearts erode away and let those baptismal waters overflow us that we truly "get it."
OK. I'm putting my Bible away, shutting my Strong's Exhaustive Concordance (that thing really is exhausting...), and I'm setting aside Luther's "Smalcald Articles" for another day. Yes, you're welcome. :)
"GGG, you lost me at 'Synoptic Gospels,' for cryin' out loud. I just want to read your verses, slam my Starbucks, and get on with life. I've got dinner going and two loads of laundry. Wrap it up, will ya?!?"
OK, fine. The point: some of the most sacred, breath-taking events in our lives are accomplished with as little as a whisper, seeming so ordinary, that if you blink, you've missed it.
Look quickly at the "main point" verses from the narratives:
Matthew 3:16 -- "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him."
Mark 1:10 -- As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove."
Luke 3:21-22a -- "When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended in him in bodily form like a dove..."
John 1:32 -- "Then John gave his testimony: 'I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him."
Insert Hollywood special effects here: Cue the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing "oohs" and "aahs" in six-part harmony, have the graphics people at The Weather Channel do some cool clouds-peeling-back-to-reveal-sunbeams stuff over Jesus, and have Jack Hanna provide a trained dove to do his thing.
On Saturday, I will celebrate my 17th baptismal anniversary. I was presented as a five year-old in the Lutheran church (coincidentally in the same place where I saw "Ghostbusters II"), and while the environment could've supported the special effects, I remember none of that being there. I'm pretty sure my mom was holding me, and our pastor, being the groovy '70s guy that he seemed to be to me, had a beard and looked a lot like Jesus. Other than that, it was just another day at church by all appearances to the naked eye.
Some friends of mine at church presented their tiny, precious baby girl for baptism this past Sunday. And while I'm the emotional sort to begin with, I was struck breathless by the simplicity and magnitude of what was going on. Family members came from all over the country, each contributing waters from those areas to the baptismal font, where her grandfather had traveled from Pennsylvania to perform the ceremony. And with three symbolic scoops of water passing over her soft, furrowed brow, that was it. Or was it?
The day we all find ourselves under these liberating waters is a cosmic event. You may or may not have consciously stepped up to the plate, but you've got God's mark on you now. This is a distinct line in the sand in terms of who we are, who we're called to be, and to whom we belong. And that cosmic, life-changing moment came and went so quickly, so quietly, like a whisper.
I remember so clearly the day Lil' G was baptized. We decided to strip her down and actually immerse her in the water, which caused MUCH scandal in the church we attended. I remember her looking up at me at one point, having been fussy, and not being able to grab a pacifier, offered my pinkie, which suited her fine at the time. But the look on her face took my breath away and reduced me to heavy sobs this Sunday. She looked at me, only six weeks old, with her father's eyes and smile, and seemed to say, "Mommy, I trust you." On that day, and every day since, I give her back to the One who gave her to me, and Bud as well.
I also recalled the day Tom was baptized. He ended up being baptized in December 1999, and it was a proud day in his mind. The look I remember seeing on his face was one of strength and purpose. He was baptized, several others of us joined the church as well, we sat down, and the service went from there. Over so quickly. Six years later, his life was over so quickly. The rupture of the aorta going to his brain, sending the pressure in his brain almost five times greater than it can to sustain life functions, happened without a sound. The machines connected to him gave away the internal secret. When he was taken off the breathing machine to see if he was brain dead, he breathed two miniscule, shallow breaths and laid there so peacefully, so quiet and serene.
The sacred moments in our lives, the times in which God couldn't be any closer to us if He tried, are so fleeting. From the day God reaches out and grabs hold of us through our baptismal waters, to the day we celebrate our birthday into His presence, we don't want to let those sacred moments go by unnoticed and uncherished. Revel in them, and celebrate them.
Matthew 3:13-17
Mark 1:9-11
Luke 3:21-22
John 1:29-34
Actually, including the passage from John is kind of going through the "back door," so to speak. The first three gospels, a.k.a., the Synoptic Gospels, all share a common source, Quello, commonly called Q by Bible scholars, theologians, and other Bible nerds like me. It's a German word meaning, "Source." The Gospel of John did not gather information from Q and is therefore not part of the club. Instead, the account given in John is the testimony of John the baptizer, which is why I call it a back door. (In all honesty and accuracy, they are all based on testimony and oral tradition, but I've already taken you too far into the scholastic side than I need to; I just enjoy this kind of topic.)
ANYHOO! Right, so, we are looking at the baptism narratives. I've always been told that, if you find something in more than one gospel, then it's an extremely important concept or truth that the authors (plural!!) were trying to convey, regardless of who the target audience was for each gospel. The fact that all three synoptic gospels include this narrative is important, and even the authors of John thought it was crucial information to pass along.
We as 21st century, Westernized Christians (for the most part, that seems to be my readership) have several differing views of baptism, but it would appear that we all agree on the fact that it is a life-changing event. Many American/Non-denom's, Baptists, Methodists, and perhaps others along these denominational lines believe that you must make a personal choice to accept Jesus into your heart, and that is when you seal the deal with baptism. A common support for adult baptism is John 3:3, where Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."
I don't know about Episcopalians, Anglicans, various types of Catholics, or Presbyterians, but Lutherans deal with the concept of baptism differently. We believe that, through baptism, God comes to us and chooses us to be His people. There is nothing we can do to "work our way up" to God. We are not saved the day we are dipped into blessed waters. We were saved 2000 years ago when Jesus died on the cross. God comes to us and creates this covenant bond with us in the waters of our baptism, washes over our hearts with His agape, unconditional love. And just because you're baptized doesn't mean, "Ha, ha, Satan! I'm on home base!! Nanny-nanny boo-boo!" It's how we choose to let this affect our hearts and lives, or not, that seals the deal. Martin Luther said something to the effect of, "We are saved by grace through faith, and that not of our own." It is only by God's grace that He gives us the measures of faith we need to rely on Him. We don't have the power to naturally, or even cognizantly, choose to follow Him and do it right. Every single blog I read confirms that I'm not the only one in this sinking ship of life struggles! It is when we let the levees around our hearts erode away and let those baptismal waters overflow us that we truly "get it."
OK. I'm putting my Bible away, shutting my Strong's Exhaustive Concordance (that thing really is exhausting...), and I'm setting aside Luther's "Smalcald Articles" for another day. Yes, you're welcome. :)
"GGG, you lost me at 'Synoptic Gospels,' for cryin' out loud. I just want to read your verses, slam my Starbucks, and get on with life. I've got dinner going and two loads of laundry. Wrap it up, will ya?!?"
OK, fine. The point: some of the most sacred, breath-taking events in our lives are accomplished with as little as a whisper, seeming so ordinary, that if you blink, you've missed it.
Look quickly at the "main point" verses from the narratives:
Matthew 3:16 -- "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him."
Mark 1:10 -- As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove."
Luke 3:21-22a -- "When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended in him in bodily form like a dove..."
John 1:32 -- "Then John gave his testimony: 'I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him."
Insert Hollywood special effects here: Cue the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing "oohs" and "aahs" in six-part harmony, have the graphics people at The Weather Channel do some cool clouds-peeling-back-to-reveal-sunbeams stuff over Jesus, and have Jack Hanna provide a trained dove to do his thing.
On Saturday, I will celebrate my 17th baptismal anniversary. I was presented as a five year-old in the Lutheran church (coincidentally in the same place where I saw "Ghostbusters II"), and while the environment could've supported the special effects, I remember none of that being there. I'm pretty sure my mom was holding me, and our pastor, being the groovy '70s guy that he seemed to be to me, had a beard and looked a lot like Jesus. Other than that, it was just another day at church by all appearances to the naked eye.
Some friends of mine at church presented their tiny, precious baby girl for baptism this past Sunday. And while I'm the emotional sort to begin with, I was struck breathless by the simplicity and magnitude of what was going on. Family members came from all over the country, each contributing waters from those areas to the baptismal font, where her grandfather had traveled from Pennsylvania to perform the ceremony. And with three symbolic scoops of water passing over her soft, furrowed brow, that was it. Or was it?
The day we all find ourselves under these liberating waters is a cosmic event. You may or may not have consciously stepped up to the plate, but you've got God's mark on you now. This is a distinct line in the sand in terms of who we are, who we're called to be, and to whom we belong. And that cosmic, life-changing moment came and went so quickly, so quietly, like a whisper.
I remember so clearly the day Lil' G was baptized. We decided to strip her down and actually immerse her in the water, which caused MUCH scandal in the church we attended. I remember her looking up at me at one point, having been fussy, and not being able to grab a pacifier, offered my pinkie, which suited her fine at the time. But the look on her face took my breath away and reduced me to heavy sobs this Sunday. She looked at me, only six weeks old, with her father's eyes and smile, and seemed to say, "Mommy, I trust you." On that day, and every day since, I give her back to the One who gave her to me, and Bud as well.
I also recalled the day Tom was baptized. He ended up being baptized in December 1999, and it was a proud day in his mind. The look I remember seeing on his face was one of strength and purpose. He was baptized, several others of us joined the church as well, we sat down, and the service went from there. Over so quickly. Six years later, his life was over so quickly. The rupture of the aorta going to his brain, sending the pressure in his brain almost five times greater than it can to sustain life functions, happened without a sound. The machines connected to him gave away the internal secret. When he was taken off the breathing machine to see if he was brain dead, he breathed two miniscule, shallow breaths and laid there so peacefully, so quiet and serene.
The sacred moments in our lives, the times in which God couldn't be any closer to us if He tried, are so fleeting. From the day God reaches out and grabs hold of us through our baptismal waters, to the day we celebrate our birthday into His presence, we don't want to let those sacred moments go by unnoticed and uncherished. Revel in them, and celebrate them.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Today's Verse: ...The Mystery Solved!
"Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth; break forth in song, rejoice, and sing praises." --Psalm 98:4
OK, so this is technically my verse for Saturday. With that, let me introduce you to the newest member of my guitar collection:
This is called a "backpacker," and it's made by Martin & Co. It's designed for people who like to travel, especially those granola, John Denver-types who can't be within 10 feet of a campfire without a guitar in their hands but don't want to schlep their Takamine, etc., over Mt. Everest or some such adventure. This is my personal response to the highway robbery being committed by such airlines as American and the likes who are now charging $15 (and then some) to check even one bag when you travel. When the kids and I go for some quality Pookie time this summer, and when I travel with the Chicas, I need/want to have my guitar with me. Hopefully this can count as one of my carry-on items. I am actually packing my purse so that I can carry this guitar on -- how deranged is that?!?
But the way this verse ties in is clear to me. Music is not just something that I enjoy doing -- it has been a very major part of my life. I have been involved in music and performing since I was 10 years old, playing violin. I indulged myself in my first guitar (lovingly known as "Mrs. Garrison," for all you South Park devotees) after finding a "bucket list" Tom had made some time before he died where he listed, "Play guitar," as something he wanted to achieve in life. S4J and I embarked on this musical quest simultaneously, and she, too, can vouch for the healing quality of music in our lives.
Maybe it's because I'ma little bit a lot psycho, but music has been God's gift that has carried me through so many times and phases in my life. Not only has He given me the gift of being able to play musical instruments, He has also spoken to me through music. I guess you could call it a love language or some such. Two days after Tom died, the praise band from PWOC came over to the house, and we just sat on my living room floor and sang. God completely renewed and strengthened me in that fellowship for the days to come. I'll never forget barely being able to choke out the words to the chorus of, "Breathe":
"And I, I'm desperate for You,
And I, I'm lost without You."
It was the cry of my heart to my husband and to my God.
Chris Rice continues to steal words from my heart that describe my experience. The old words of the bluegrass songs and hymns that we do now at church take me back to the comfort of my grandmothers in times where life was simpler and beautiful. Feeling the vibrations of the back of the guitar on my stomach as I really rock out to an improvisational version of the Newsboy's, "It Is You," on Sunday with JO and the Chokemaster affects me in a way that could never come from a shot glass or a romantic kiss. It's music, it's emotion, it's my heart breaking forth out of my skin and sending my heart straight to the Father on the notes of a song that He put into my heart before I was born.
OK, so this is technically my verse for Saturday. With that, let me introduce you to the newest member of my guitar collection:
This is called a "backpacker," and it's made by Martin & Co. It's designed for people who like to travel, especially those granola, John Denver-types who can't be within 10 feet of a campfire without a guitar in their hands but don't want to schlep their Takamine, etc., over Mt. Everest or some such adventure. This is my personal response to the highway robbery being committed by such airlines as American and the likes who are now charging $15 (and then some) to check even one bag when you travel. When the kids and I go for some quality Pookie time this summer, and when I travel with the Chicas, I need/want to have my guitar with me. Hopefully this can count as one of my carry-on items. I am actually packing my purse so that I can carry this guitar on -- how deranged is that?!?
But the way this verse ties in is clear to me. Music is not just something that I enjoy doing -- it has been a very major part of my life. I have been involved in music and performing since I was 10 years old, playing violin. I indulged myself in my first guitar (lovingly known as "Mrs. Garrison," for all you South Park devotees) after finding a "bucket list" Tom had made some time before he died where he listed, "Play guitar," as something he wanted to achieve in life. S4J and I embarked on this musical quest simultaneously, and she, too, can vouch for the healing quality of music in our lives.
Maybe it's because I'm
"And I, I'm desperate for You,
And I, I'm lost without You."
It was the cry of my heart to my husband and to my God.
Chris Rice continues to steal words from my heart that describe my experience. The old words of the bluegrass songs and hymns that we do now at church take me back to the comfort of my grandmothers in times where life was simpler and beautiful. Feeling the vibrations of the back of the guitar on my stomach as I really rock out to an improvisational version of the Newsboy's, "It Is You," on Sunday with JO and the Chokemaster affects me in a way that could never come from a shot glass or a romantic kiss. It's music, it's emotion, it's my heart breaking forth out of my skin and sending my heart straight to the Father on the notes of a song that He put into my heart before I was born.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Today's Verse: A Mystery...???
"GGG, what the heck is going on?!? You're supposed to post a verse, blow our socks off with your uncanny wit and insightful quips. Out with it!!!"
Patience, patience, my pretties. You'll get your verse soon enough. I am about to blow out the door to dinner but thought I would leave you with a teaser...
Two hints I will give and nothing more:
1) The verse comes from a book that I love posting about (that should really narrow it down), and...
2) The verse directly relates to a new addition to my collection... Hmmm....
Check back to find out the answer to the mystery!!!
Patience, patience, my pretties. You'll get your verse soon enough. I am about to blow out the door to dinner but thought I would leave you with a teaser...
Two hints I will give and nothing more:
1) The verse comes from a book that I love posting about (that should really narrow it down), and...
2) The verse directly relates to a new addition to my collection... Hmmm....
Check back to find out the answer to the mystery!!!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Today's Verse: Genesis 2:7-8, 18-23
OK, everyone, another longer passage, but I promise a brief commentary. Gretchen over at Jewels In My Crown...Someday inspired me to post this, which I'll explain later. Here we go!
"The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.
"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all of the the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living craeture, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man.' "
Phew! OK. I hope I can convince you to keep reading, because this is one of THE MOST EXCITING PASSAGES of the Bible to me. I literally thrill every time I get to explain it. In my opinion, if one truly understands this passage, there is no reason to not want to believe in God, but that's just my opinion.
I know many people really hear God speaking to them in the New Testament, and I definitely believe all of the Bible to be important. It has been, however, in the last year that my perspective has changed. I see many Christians using the New Testament and the Ten Commandments as the restrictions and boundaries for their lives, and it really saddens me. Rather than seeing the New Testament as an extension of what can be learned from the Old Testament, it becomes the fundamental, final word for their lives, and ultimately the Gospel becomes another form of law. The Christian, and Lutheran, in me cringes and rebels instinctively when I hear this! The Gospel is not to be used in this way!! But that's a different argument for a different day... Gretchen pointed out that she tends to read more of the NT than the OT, and that many parts of the OT can be, well, "dry" to put it lightly. While I have to agree when we get to the loooong parts after the Ten Commandments about rules and regulations, etc., I think there's more to the OT than meets the eye.
I wish people could view the NT in light of the second creation story. OMG!!! Yes, I did just say that there are two creation narratives in the Bible. (There are also two flood narratives, FYI...) The first creation story is the older of the two, but today we're looking at the "younger" story.
The first creation story focuses on God, Elohim, and establishing that He is inherently good and all that He creates is inherently good and not evil. Man, NOT A GUY NAMED ADAM, is created after heaven, earth, sea, and creatures. Elohim is a Hebrew word meaning, "God," in a basic understanding. It implies majesty and divinity, just to keep it simple here for our purposes. The Hebrew word, 'adam, simply means mankind, and has a common root with the Hebrew word for earth, ground, land, and country. Interesting, huh?!?
OK, this is cool, but not my point. (If I said this was going to be brief, I guess I lied -- I just love looking at creation stories!) Taking what we know about the first creation story, I want to look at how the second one is different and why that matters so much to me. The name of God used in the second story is YHWHY, what we Christians call Yahweh. In Hebrew this word is perfectly symmetrical (in English it would be a palindrome) and contains no vowels (because Hebrew doesn't include them). Why is God called by two very distinct, different names? Here is the ENTIRE point of this post: RELATIONSHIP. As explained in my Key Word Study Bible, "The covenant name of God most prominently known in connection with His relationship with the nation of Israel." Because this name is so holy to our Jewish brothers and sisters, they will not pronounce it, but rather substitute the name Adonai here.
Relationship! That, my friends, is the key to the entire Bible. You have just learned the secret to why we have been created, why Jesus came in fulfillment of Scriptures, why we will be called home to meet our maker. Relationship! As in, He wants one with us!! Yes, even us.
In this version of the story, man is the first thing created. Adonai then goes on this mission of knowing Adam's heart, knowing that He created us for companionship, and bringing about all these other amazing creations in an effort to find that companionship for man. He allows Adam to give names to everything. I picture Adonai, like a parent at Christmas, giddy as His children get to find that last, hidden, unwrapped gift hiding behind the Christmas tree, the one real gift that they really wanted at Christmas but thinking Santa passed them by, only to stumble upon THE ultimate gift! This gift giving started at creation, continued through Jesus' sacrifice, and continues on even today and on down the road.
And the relationship doesn't stop there. Now that you can see this, go back and read Exodus. Read I and II Samuel. Read Daniel. Read as the children of Israel bitch and moan about being taken care of in the desert, after being rescued from generations of slavery and poverty. Read as God wipes everything off the face of the earth, save the faithful family of Noah. Read as we humans deserve, time and time again, to descend into the pit, but God is not willing that any of us should die, but have eternal life. He doesn't have to give us all these chances, but He does. WOW!!!
Relationships. That's it in a nutshell.
"The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.
"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all of the the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living craeture, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man.' "
Phew! OK. I hope I can convince you to keep reading, because this is one of THE MOST EXCITING PASSAGES of the Bible to me. I literally thrill every time I get to explain it. In my opinion, if one truly understands this passage, there is no reason to not want to believe in God, but that's just my opinion.
I know many people really hear God speaking to them in the New Testament, and I definitely believe all of the Bible to be important. It has been, however, in the last year that my perspective has changed. I see many Christians using the New Testament and the Ten Commandments as the restrictions and boundaries for their lives, and it really saddens me. Rather than seeing the New Testament as an extension of what can be learned from the Old Testament, it becomes the fundamental, final word for their lives, and ultimately the Gospel becomes another form of law. The Christian, and Lutheran, in me cringes and rebels instinctively when I hear this! The Gospel is not to be used in this way!! But that's a different argument for a different day... Gretchen pointed out that she tends to read more of the NT than the OT, and that many parts of the OT can be, well, "dry" to put it lightly. While I have to agree when we get to the loooong parts after the Ten Commandments about rules and regulations, etc., I think there's more to the OT than meets the eye.
I wish people could view the NT in light of the second creation story. OMG!!! Yes, I did just say that there are two creation narratives in the Bible. (There are also two flood narratives, FYI...) The first creation story is the older of the two, but today we're looking at the "younger" story.
The first creation story focuses on God, Elohim, and establishing that He is inherently good and all that He creates is inherently good and not evil. Man, NOT A GUY NAMED ADAM, is created after heaven, earth, sea, and creatures. Elohim is a Hebrew word meaning, "God," in a basic understanding. It implies majesty and divinity, just to keep it simple here for our purposes. The Hebrew word, 'adam, simply means mankind, and has a common root with the Hebrew word for earth, ground, land, and country. Interesting, huh?!?
OK, this is cool, but not my point. (If I said this was going to be brief, I guess I lied -- I just love looking at creation stories!) Taking what we know about the first creation story, I want to look at how the second one is different and why that matters so much to me. The name of God used in the second story is YHWHY, what we Christians call Yahweh. In Hebrew this word is perfectly symmetrical (in English it would be a palindrome) and contains no vowels (because Hebrew doesn't include them). Why is God called by two very distinct, different names? Here is the ENTIRE point of this post: RELATIONSHIP. As explained in my Key Word Study Bible, "The covenant name of God most prominently known in connection with His relationship with the nation of Israel." Because this name is so holy to our Jewish brothers and sisters, they will not pronounce it, but rather substitute the name Adonai here.
Relationship! That, my friends, is the key to the entire Bible. You have just learned the secret to why we have been created, why Jesus came in fulfillment of Scriptures, why we will be called home to meet our maker. Relationship! As in, He wants one with us!! Yes, even us.
In this version of the story, man is the first thing created. Adonai then goes on this mission of knowing Adam's heart, knowing that He created us for companionship, and bringing about all these other amazing creations in an effort to find that companionship for man. He allows Adam to give names to everything. I picture Adonai, like a parent at Christmas, giddy as His children get to find that last, hidden, unwrapped gift hiding behind the Christmas tree, the one real gift that they really wanted at Christmas but thinking Santa passed them by, only to stumble upon THE ultimate gift! This gift giving started at creation, continued through Jesus' sacrifice, and continues on even today and on down the road.
And the relationship doesn't stop there. Now that you can see this, go back and read Exodus. Read I and II Samuel. Read Daniel. Read as the children of Israel bitch and moan about being taken care of in the desert, after being rescued from generations of slavery and poverty. Read as God wipes everything off the face of the earth, save the faithful family of Noah. Read as we humans deserve, time and time again, to descend into the pit, but God is not willing that any of us should die, but have eternal life. He doesn't have to give us all these chances, but He does. WOW!!!
Relationships. That's it in a nutshell.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Today's Verse: Psalm 71:14-15
"But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more. My mouth will tell of Your righteousness, of Your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure."
Wow. Thank You, Father, for that. For hope. For offering us rest during times of trial or tumult. During the busy days and the fretful hours. During the potty training and the loose teeth. For the hope that we are not alone in our lives and that You truly want good things for us, things so good, in fact, that we cannot even conceive of them. Even though we can't begin to fathom the measure of God's grace and benevolence towards us, we know it is real.
Hope. It's all I'm asking for.
Wow. Thank You, Father, for that. For hope. For offering us rest during times of trial or tumult. During the busy days and the fretful hours. During the potty training and the loose teeth. For the hope that we are not alone in our lives and that You truly want good things for us, things so good, in fact, that we cannot even conceive of them. Even though we can't begin to fathom the measure of God's grace and benevolence towards us, we know it is real.
Hope. It's all I'm asking for.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Today's Verse: Isaiah 46:11b-13a
"...What I have said, I will bring about: what I have planned, that will I do. Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted, you who are far from righteousness. I am bringing my righteousness near, it is not far away..."
Yes, yes, yes. I know I haven't posted anything in a few days. Between nursing a migraine, spending most of Sunday either on the road or in church, and just being exhausted and deep in thought in general, I have neglected several things, save kids and laundry. Sorry for the excuses.
I don't know why I'm like this, but I'm a cyclical person. I'm guessing we all are, and not in the way most women are thinking right now (thanks to Lybrel!). I'm cyclical in my thinking. I get going down the road of life and come to something in the road. I identify it, ponder it,occasionally usually overanalyze it, smack myself into gear, and resume my journey down the road. But for some ridiculous reason, that thing shows up again! It might be just after I round the corner, or it might be miles down the road, but invariably that "thing" will come right back and I go back through this process. Being a lover of logic and efficiency, this is quite frustrating to me, and in turn becomes frustrating to R., S., S4J those who have to hear me talk about it all the time. So why do I, or any of us, keep coming back to stumbling blocks in our roads?!?
I wish I had an answer for that, I really do. As I sat down today to write this blog, my heart was heavy with care. I'm at a real loss for how to handle a situation upon which I have a lot riding. If it didn't matter to me, it wouldn't register on my emotional radar, but since it matters quite a bit, it's like looking at a Category 5 hurricane on the doppler. I felt pressed to head to my good ol' standby, the Psalms. But as I opened my Bible, this verse smacked me in the face like a foul ball at a summertime t-ball game.
Yes, I know that I have taken a verse out of its socio-historical context, but sometimes when God really wants to catch your eye and make a point, usually before He does it the painful way, I think it's entirely possible that the Holy Spirit lets your eye catch on a word or phrase. For me, that phrase was LISTEN TO ME, YOU STUBBORN HEARTED!!
It's a rare thing to have something so obvious and pointed show up, as I like to say, in black and white on a billboard right in front of my face. How many more times am I going to blog about the same things bothering me? How many more passages of Scripture am I going to have to read before I get the point? How far gone is my situation going to have to go until it either smoothes out or completely unravels? I don't want it to unravel. In my effort to "work against that," I'm afraid that is exactly what is going to happen. I feel like God is trying to tell me to quit being a backseat driver and to get a grip, and I'm finding it so hard to do this. I am humbly asking for your prayers, both from those who are regular readers and those who stumble upon my posts, those who are Christian, those who are Jewish, Muslim, or any other "flavor" of religious expression. Please pray that God would give me the added measure of faith to rely upon His faithfulness, massive amounts of patience for all the people in my life, and for outrageous amounts of strength as my character is being developed, my relationships strengthened, the events of my life unfolding. I feel so trapped and paralyzed by my own stupidity sometimes! Please pray for me to be more optimistic about my life and to not be in such a hurry to live my life that I don't appreciate everything and everyone for exactly what and who they are for me. Thanks in advance.
And with that, I'm off to take the kids to see "Kung Fu Panda." :)
Yes, yes, yes. I know I haven't posted anything in a few days. Between nursing a migraine, spending most of Sunday either on the road or in church, and just being exhausted and deep in thought in general, I have neglected several things, save kids and laundry. Sorry for the excuses.
I don't know why I'm like this, but I'm a cyclical person. I'm guessing we all are, and not in the way most women are thinking right now (thanks to Lybrel!). I'm cyclical in my thinking. I get going down the road of life and come to something in the road. I identify it, ponder it,
I wish I had an answer for that, I really do. As I sat down today to write this blog, my heart was heavy with care. I'm at a real loss for how to handle a situation upon which I have a lot riding. If it didn't matter to me, it wouldn't register on my emotional radar, but since it matters quite a bit, it's like looking at a Category 5 hurricane on the doppler. I felt pressed to head to my good ol' standby, the Psalms. But as I opened my Bible, this verse smacked me in the face like a foul ball at a summertime t-ball game.
Yes, I know that I have taken a verse out of its socio-historical context, but sometimes when God really wants to catch your eye and make a point, usually before He does it the painful way, I think it's entirely possible that the Holy Spirit lets your eye catch on a word or phrase. For me, that phrase was LISTEN TO ME, YOU STUBBORN HEARTED!!
It's a rare thing to have something so obvious and pointed show up, as I like to say, in black and white on a billboard right in front of my face. How many more times am I going to blog about the same things bothering me? How many more passages of Scripture am I going to have to read before I get the point? How far gone is my situation going to have to go until it either smoothes out or completely unravels? I don't want it to unravel. In my effort to "work against that," I'm afraid that is exactly what is going to happen. I feel like God is trying to tell me to quit being a backseat driver and to get a grip, and I'm finding it so hard to do this. I am humbly asking for your prayers, both from those who are regular readers and those who stumble upon my posts, those who are Christian, those who are Jewish, Muslim, or any other "flavor" of religious expression. Please pray that God would give me the added measure of faith to rely upon His faithfulness, massive amounts of patience for all the people in my life, and for outrageous amounts of strength as my character is being developed, my relationships strengthened, the events of my life unfolding. I feel so trapped and paralyzed by my own stupidity sometimes! Please pray for me to be more optimistic about my life and to not be in such a hurry to live my life that I don't appreciate everything and everyone for exactly what and who they are for me. Thanks in advance.
And with that, I'm off to take the kids to see "Kung Fu Panda." :)
Friday, June 13, 2008
Today's Verse: James 4:10
'Humble yourselves before the LORD, and He will lift you up."
This is not actually the verse I had in mind for today. The one I was looking for was never located. I was looking for a verse in the New Testament (perhaps in one of the Timothys or Peters?) that had to do with serving in the way in which we have been called, following through, and being diligent, or something kinda like that. I read the verse back in the spring when I was having serious doubts as to whether or not I was going to mentally commit to finish Parish Lay Ministry Academy (as if!) and what my role really needed to be up at church. I read this verse and clearly got the message: "Keep on keepin' on!"
The whole motivation to find this verse was to have a cool, scriptural connection with something that has been a dream, or desire, since my childhood. I grew up attending an ELCA Lutheran Church in my hometown, and after having moved and lived a little, find myself back in my home parish, this time not as a child or spectator, but as an adult who might as well be a paid staff member some days! Ha ha! At any rate, I would always listen to the ancient words of scripture in our liturgy during the service, usually sung by either the Assisting Minister or by the Pastor, and wish I could be up there to do that. On Sunday, I will finally get to serve my church in this capacity, and I am so humbled and thrilled!!
Which leads me to this verse. Preparing for this service really puts you into a frame of mind. When I'm working on music-related tasks for a service, I have a totally different focus. With performing these duties, I have changed my focus on what is going into that timeframe on Sunday morning, and how preparation happens during the week. The way the church will look from behind the altar table, the smell of the freshly baked bread and the grapey wine, the distinct smell of candles and wax, the scratch of the linen alb on my skin, looking at the faces of many people I have known all my life, to include my own parents and children, knowing that I will be handing (not the kids) the chalice of communion wine and telling them some of the most important words on a Sunday morning: "The blood of Christ, shed FOR YOU," is so humbling. Our pastor is an amazing woman and mentor to me. To serve alongside her will be interesting and enlightening.
Who am I, Lord, that You should choose me to be involved in the lives of Your people? Even if all it involves is sitting in the back pew, unnoticed, and praying over each person sitting in the sanctuary, how humbling and precious to be a part of a community of believers. Cleanse my heart, my thoughts, so that my thoughts and actions might be pleasing in your sight, today, Sunday morning, and always. Amen!
***Please say a quick prayer for me that I wouldn't go and screw anything up this Sunday!!! :) Thanks!!
This is not actually the verse I had in mind for today. The one I was looking for was never located. I was looking for a verse in the New Testament (perhaps in one of the Timothys or Peters?) that had to do with serving in the way in which we have been called, following through, and being diligent, or something kinda like that. I read the verse back in the spring when I was having serious doubts as to whether or not I was going to mentally commit to finish Parish Lay Ministry Academy (as if!) and what my role really needed to be up at church. I read this verse and clearly got the message: "Keep on keepin' on!"
The whole motivation to find this verse was to have a cool, scriptural connection with something that has been a dream, or desire, since my childhood. I grew up attending an ELCA Lutheran Church in my hometown, and after having moved and lived a little, find myself back in my home parish, this time not as a child or spectator, but as an adult who might as well be a paid staff member some days! Ha ha! At any rate, I would always listen to the ancient words of scripture in our liturgy during the service, usually sung by either the Assisting Minister or by the Pastor, and wish I could be up there to do that. On Sunday, I will finally get to serve my church in this capacity, and I am so humbled and thrilled!!
Which leads me to this verse. Preparing for this service really puts you into a frame of mind. When I'm working on music-related tasks for a service, I have a totally different focus. With performing these duties, I have changed my focus on what is going into that timeframe on Sunday morning, and how preparation happens during the week. The way the church will look from behind the altar table, the smell of the freshly baked bread and the grapey wine, the distinct smell of candles and wax, the scratch of the linen alb on my skin, looking at the faces of many people I have known all my life, to include my own parents and children, knowing that I will be handing (not the kids) the chalice of communion wine and telling them some of the most important words on a Sunday morning: "The blood of Christ, shed FOR YOU," is so humbling. Our pastor is an amazing woman and mentor to me. To serve alongside her will be interesting and enlightening.
Who am I, Lord, that You should choose me to be involved in the lives of Your people? Even if all it involves is sitting in the back pew, unnoticed, and praying over each person sitting in the sanctuary, how humbling and precious to be a part of a community of believers. Cleanse my heart, my thoughts, so that my thoughts and actions might be pleasing in your sight, today, Sunday morning, and always. Amen!
***Please say a quick prayer for me that I wouldn't go and screw anything up this Sunday!!! :) Thanks!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Technical Difficulties... Please Stand By...
OK, I nearly had a heart attack. Thank God that Blogger has the autosave function that works most of the time. I was working on my "Today's Verse" post yesterday, got on the phone with R. late last night, and literally passed out from sheer exhaustion. This morning, as I ventured into the office to finish my thoughts and post, I discovered that my computer had shut down and rebooted overnight. Egads!!!!
Thankfully, it has been saved. I'll finish it up later. This is the second post that ended up being worked on but not posted on the right day -- hope no one's keeping track! Ha ha!!
But here's a verse to just get the day kick-started:
"How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?" -- I Thessalonians 3:9
Reading all of your comments on these blogs is literally the highlight of my day here lately. You have all been so sweet to be encouraging and complimentary, which you don't have to be, but you are all natural encouragers. I also feel like I learn a lot from you all as well. For those of you not doing the challenge, I hereby challenge YOU to post a verse a day for the rest of June. If you're not so much into the scripture thing, then just post an amazing quote every day for the month of June. Anything!!
Take care, and smooches to my bloggy peeps!
Thankfully, it has been saved. I'll finish it up later. This is the second post that ended up being worked on but not posted on the right day -- hope no one's keeping track! Ha ha!!
But here's a verse to just get the day kick-started:
"How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?" -- I Thessalonians 3:9
Reading all of your comments on these blogs is literally the highlight of my day here lately. You have all been so sweet to be encouraging and complimentary, which you don't have to be, but you are all natural encouragers. I also feel like I learn a lot from you all as well. For those of you not doing the challenge, I hereby challenge YOU to post a verse a day for the rest of June. If you're not so much into the scripture thing, then just post an amazing quote every day for the month of June. Anything!!
Take care, and smooches to my bloggy peeps!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Today's Verse: Romans 12:9-21, 13:8-10
Are you guys ready for a longer passage today? If you want to, click on the link and read the passage in different translation than NIV, read it here in NIV, or skip to my thoughts at the end. For the rest of us:
"12:9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. 20On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
13:8Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continueing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. 9The commandments, 'Do not commit adultery,' 'Do not murder,' 'Do not steal,' 'Do not covet,' and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 10Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."
********************
I am just receiving this message so clearly over the last couple of days: love. I can tell you that I almost never open up to the Book of Romans. Yet for some reason I have ended up here today. Since the passage was long, comments will be brief (as if!!):
"12:9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. 20On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
13:8Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continueing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. 9The commandments, 'Do not commit adultery,' 'Do not murder,' 'Do not steal,' 'Do not covet,' and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 10Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."
********************
I am just receiving this message so clearly over the last couple of days: love. I can tell you that I almost never open up to the Book of Romans. Yet for some reason I have ended up here today. Since the passage was long, comments will be brief (as if!!):
- 12:10 -- Putting the needs of others before ourselves. This comes so automatically when we think of our children (at least 99% of the time). But as we start to work our way down the food chain, so to speak, starting with our spouses, closest friends, THEN relatives, and so on, I don't find this to be nearly so automatic. Boy, do I expect it out of others! Imagine if we all really practiced this even for an hour out of every day and paid forward kindnesses sent our way... Amazing... Coincidentally, the Greek word for brotherly love in this passage is philadelphia. Cool!
- 12:12 -- Being joyful in hope and patient in affliction is a daily battle for me. I have good spots that radiate like sunbeams through summertime clouds, but it seems like, more times than not, my clouds obstruct my sunny view. Patience is something that is so painful for me to have to learn, and God is SOOO clearly trying to give me multiple opportunities to hone this skill. Quit it, already! I know I'm impatient!! Sheez... ;) Being the
control freakkind of person I am, this is one of the hardest, but probably most important, lessons I will have toendurelearn in my lifetime.
- 12:19-20 -- Who among us doesn't get a sick, private satisfaction of thinking or saying, 'Serves them right!"??? Especially you willowy types who thrive off of rules, structure, and a disgusting sense of justice, which we rosies appreciate but can find utterly smothering. (If you're wondering what I'm talking about, ask HisGirl.) There were so many people who got right up in my face after Tom died and either accused me of using religion as a way to not deal with the reality of the circumstances, or disliked me before the tragedy and disliked me even more that he was not there to defend my good name. I felt completely justified, having done all I could to honor my God and honor my husband, honor the memory of a fallen soldier, to leave them with a few thoughts to put in their pipes for future smoking, so to speak. Then one of my BFFs unfortunately revealed what I lovingly refer to as a "hater" verse, Exodus 14:14 -- "The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." (KJV) Crap! Man, Lord, why you gotta be hatin' on me?!? You know they have sinned against me! This is the one time when I should get to call them out on it. Instead, I was obedient to the verse, and unfortunately, every single one of these folks have had serious trouble transpire in their lives in the last two years. Wow. Talk about a faithful God. He keeps His promises, even the scary ones. Really drives home the point in v. 20 about heaping burning coals on the heads of those who have wronged you, huh?
- 13:10 -- Lastly, this is really the key verse to complement the one from the other day. If you love people, you cannot harm them. At the same time, you are obeying God. What can be better than that? It's a win-win situation.
Sorry this post got so long. It's a pretty hefty one, and I kept my comments short. Not near as "chatty" as the others, but I just wanted to put it out there. I'll toss some lighter stuff your way when possible!
Have a relaxed and groovy Wednesday!!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Today's Verse: Galatians 6:2
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (NKJV)
'Burden' must be the word of the day for a lot of us out there in the blogosphere. Maybe it's just because several of us are floating around in the same circles, I don't know. I just feel this cry coming up from myself, from humanity, and it just overwhelms me. As I sit here writing this, I can think of no less than four marriages that are either recently divorced or embarking on divorce, two friends who are battling depression tooth and nail, four people dealing with biopsies, diagnoses, and treatments, and so many other hurts and stresses I could probably never remember them all.
I won't get into the 'whys' here. Only One knows the answer to any of those questions anyhow. What I want to say here is this: with all this hurt in the world, I think we could all use for a little less impatience, road rage, and being too insecure to "put ourselves out there." In the immortal words of John Lennon, "All you need is love."
I think of a friend in particular, S4J to be exact. She, among several others but her especially, have really ministered to me over the years. One of her many talents and spiritual gifts is that of empathy. She will literally take on your pain with you and suffer right alongside you. She might not be able to take away your pain, but she will yoke up next to you and slog through the swampy rice paddies of your problems right there with you.
What, then, is the law of Christ? I believe it is this: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that your are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:34-35, NKJV) By being there for each other during these times, we are doing exactly what Jesus commanded us to do. Sweet -- we're killing two birds with one stone! Seriously, no one needs to feel isolated or unloved at any time, much less when they don't know how they will make it another 24 hours through whatever they're struggling with at the time. And I think, if we pay it forward, it comes back to us tenfold.
I want to take a minute to highlight a couple of ministries that I think do just exactly this: Jenster and her amazing crusade through the murky waters of being a cancer survivor just unveiled yesterday a website specifically designed for women who are simultaneously living with cancer and all that comes with it, in addition to mothering a family. Someone saw a need for support in this ever-growing demographic, and now there exists a site where women can come to saddle up next to other women for prayer and encouragement. This new site, just unveiled yesterday, is called Mothers With Cancer. Please take a minute and go visit this site, and please pass it along to help get the word out.
Another group of people that I happen to know personally is HUGSS, Helping Unite Gold Star Survivors. This group of women specifically offer support to those individuals in the greater FT Hood area who have lost a loved one who was in the military, either to wartime loss, terminal illness, accident, or any other imaginable way. Most of the people I have met through HUGSS are similar to me -- young, have kids, widowed. This group does support parents, siblings, and anyone else who has lost a soldier, however. And some of the widows are older than me. Unfortunately, many of them are younger, and guys, I'm not that old. This organization began when one of the volunteers, whose husband is actually still living, began to see close friends of hers widowed and falling through the cracks. She was completely unwilling to allow this to happen. Long story short, HUGSS now has their own building ON POST at FT Hood, we have our own Gold Star parking at the commissaries (grocery store) and PXs, and many other kindness thanks to their activism. Please go visit them here.
(And BTW, if you're wondering what all this "gold star" stuff is about, you can read more about just who is a Gold Star Wife here. Basically, most of you have probably seen a service flag. The star in the center represents your service member. Once that person dies, their star changes from blue to gold, hence the term "gold star.")
Lastly, there is a cool site I have not personally used but have heard of through at least one person. It is called the HysterSisters. It specifically offers support to women going through hysterectomies and follows up with support for not just recovery, but over time. A hysterectomy is so much more than surgery. It can mean loss of feminine identity for some. For others, it can be a second chance at life. Go check 'em out...
In closing, I don't know who sings this version, but I found a great clip on YouTube, as usual, of some mission work in Cambodia, set to the tune of, "They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love." Most of us know without having to talk about it just how mission work, both at home and abroad, falls into this category. So I'll leave you with this...
'Burden' must be the word of the day for a lot of us out there in the blogosphere. Maybe it's just because several of us are floating around in the same circles, I don't know. I just feel this cry coming up from myself, from humanity, and it just overwhelms me. As I sit here writing this, I can think of no less than four marriages that are either recently divorced or embarking on divorce, two friends who are battling depression tooth and nail, four people dealing with biopsies, diagnoses, and treatments, and so many other hurts and stresses I could probably never remember them all.
I won't get into the 'whys' here. Only One knows the answer to any of those questions anyhow. What I want to say here is this: with all this hurt in the world, I think we could all use for a little less impatience, road rage, and being too insecure to "put ourselves out there." In the immortal words of John Lennon, "All you need is love."
I think of a friend in particular, S4J to be exact. She, among several others but her especially, have really ministered to me over the years. One of her many talents and spiritual gifts is that of empathy. She will literally take on your pain with you and suffer right alongside you. She might not be able to take away your pain, but she will yoke up next to you and slog through the swampy rice paddies of your problems right there with you.
What, then, is the law of Christ? I believe it is this: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that your are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:34-35, NKJV) By being there for each other during these times, we are doing exactly what Jesus commanded us to do. Sweet -- we're killing two birds with one stone! Seriously, no one needs to feel isolated or unloved at any time, much less when they don't know how they will make it another 24 hours through whatever they're struggling with at the time. And I think, if we pay it forward, it comes back to us tenfold.
I want to take a minute to highlight a couple of ministries that I think do just exactly this: Jenster and her amazing crusade through the murky waters of being a cancer survivor just unveiled yesterday a website specifically designed for women who are simultaneously living with cancer and all that comes with it, in addition to mothering a family. Someone saw a need for support in this ever-growing demographic, and now there exists a site where women can come to saddle up next to other women for prayer and encouragement. This new site, just unveiled yesterday, is called Mothers With Cancer. Please take a minute and go visit this site, and please pass it along to help get the word out.
Another group of people that I happen to know personally is HUGSS, Helping Unite Gold Star Survivors. This group of women specifically offer support to those individuals in the greater FT Hood area who have lost a loved one who was in the military, either to wartime loss, terminal illness, accident, or any other imaginable way. Most of the people I have met through HUGSS are similar to me -- young, have kids, widowed. This group does support parents, siblings, and anyone else who has lost a soldier, however. And some of the widows are older than me. Unfortunately, many of them are younger, and guys, I'm not that old. This organization began when one of the volunteers, whose husband is actually still living, began to see close friends of hers widowed and falling through the cracks. She was completely unwilling to allow this to happen. Long story short, HUGSS now has their own building ON POST at FT Hood, we have our own Gold Star parking at the commissaries (grocery store) and PXs, and many other kindness thanks to their activism. Please go visit them here.
(And BTW, if you're wondering what all this "gold star" stuff is about, you can read more about just who is a Gold Star Wife here. Basically, most of you have probably seen a service flag. The star in the center represents your service member. Once that person dies, their star changes from blue to gold, hence the term "gold star.")
Lastly, there is a cool site I have not personally used but have heard of through at least one person. It is called the HysterSisters. It specifically offers support to women going through hysterectomies and follows up with support for not just recovery, but over time. A hysterectomy is so much more than surgery. It can mean loss of feminine identity for some. For others, it can be a second chance at life. Go check 'em out...
In closing, I don't know who sings this version, but I found a great clip on YouTube, as usual, of some mission work in Cambodia, set to the tune of, "They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love." Most of us know without having to talk about it just how mission work, both at home and abroad, falls into this category. So I'll leave you with this...
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Today's Verse: Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (NKJV)
The NIV words the last part of the verse a little less eloquently but couldn't be more simply put: "...Each day has enough trouble of its own."
************
Why, oh why, Lord, do I do this to myself? How many times do I have to hear You tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made before I will actually, truly, permanently believe it?
I'll let you all in on a little secret: I am a total schizo!!! OK, not clinically diagnosed or anything, but as R. and my closest friends can attest, I can be a real "interesting" personality to deal with. I am a tempestuous person who has really high highs and tragically low lows with little grey area in between. There is a good fraction of the time where I'm on a pretty even keel, but if even a slight gust of wind should blow past my spinning plate of life, I wobble so violently that I feel like I'm going to slip off the stick and crash to the ground. Being a person of extremes can actually be a positive thing: I am one of those who can't "settle" for something, or is 110% behind a worthy cause. On the other hand, if you hurt my feelings, there's a good chance I'll never tell you, and I'll nurse the wound for, pretty much, forever. Not a strong point!
So I've apparently been in this funk as of late. Today while talking to R. on the phone, I asked him, "What is wrong with me?!? How long have I been this unbearable to be around??? It's making me crazy!!" To which he gave an honest answer that surprised me. I figured I'd been out of sorts for a few days; he estimated more like a week or two. What?!? But as he went on the explain what he meant, I realized he was very intuitive to my idiosyncrosies and was, unfortunately, right. (No one tell him I admitted this in public!!)
Something I know I've been doing ever since Tom died, and truth be known really for most of my life, has been putting myself down. Putting myself in the "social outcast" category and simply assuming that this was society's view of me. How unjust! How cruel! Screw them!! What my BFF, S., pointed out to me today was that I need to take these thoughts captive. They are just my schizo brain working against me. I know that none of it is true. God loves me, has blessed me, is faithful and will do it again. My children are beautiful and sweet and are lovable to more people than just me. R. has been graciously brought into my life, my parents are alive and healthy, I am healthier than I have been in 12 years. So what is my flippin' problem, anyhow?!?
Me. Plain and simple. More specifically, I have a disease called, "Whatif." Apparently, I naturally release a neurotoxin into my brain that completely paralyzes it to function rationally. It is characterized by ridiculous hypothetical thinking and "war gaming" a response to said hypothetical situations. While one part of me says that it helps me to emotionally prepare for things that would otherwise be tragic circumstances (a la the loss of my spouse), it makes me unable to let the sun fall on my face and smile that God has blessed me with another day of this life. To put it another way, it steals my joy.
Back to the scripture now... This passage is smack in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount in the Book of Matthew. Jesus is telling the people gathered there things that will help them to lead godly lives. He must've known I'd be reading this at some point in history and made sure that the scribes didn't edit this part out. Look back at v. 25: "...do not worry about your life..." and then at v. 32: "For your heavenly Father nows that you need all these things." Then we get into what we should really be occupying our time with, such as seeking the kingdom, etc.
Worry = trust in my book. I hate myself for being this worrier because I feel like it sends a message to God that says, "Yeah, about that help you gave me right after Tom died, yeah, thanks for that. But I'm gonna have to hold onto this other tiny crap because I'm just not sure if You're up to the job. I'll need to see some references and then someone will contact you..." Jesus tells us not to worry!! I really don't want to be disobedient to Big J! And by holding onto it, that's the message I feel like I send to Him. Ick.
Jesus also speaks to those of us who like to rationalize it. Don't we have enough on our plates from one day to the next to keep us busy? Why do we have to ask for stress and issues in advance? How absurd! I feel like my own worst enemy. Satan doesn't have to do much work on me to inch me off my walk with God; I tend to do the work for him. P-U!
So, I'm going to try really hard, every single day, to take these thoughts captive. This won't stop overnight. But each day is a new day -- "His mercies are new EVERY morning; GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!!" (Lamentations 3:23)
The NIV words the last part of the verse a little less eloquently but couldn't be more simply put: "...Each day has enough trouble of its own."
************
Why, oh why, Lord, do I do this to myself? How many times do I have to hear You tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made before I will actually, truly, permanently believe it?
I'll let you all in on a little secret: I am a total schizo!!! OK, not clinically diagnosed or anything, but as R. and my closest friends can attest, I can be a real "interesting" personality to deal with. I am a tempestuous person who has really high highs and tragically low lows with little grey area in between. There is a good fraction of the time where I'm on a pretty even keel, but if even a slight gust of wind should blow past my spinning plate of life, I wobble so violently that I feel like I'm going to slip off the stick and crash to the ground. Being a person of extremes can actually be a positive thing: I am one of those who can't "settle" for something, or is 110% behind a worthy cause. On the other hand, if you hurt my feelings, there's a good chance I'll never tell you, and I'll nurse the wound for, pretty much, forever. Not a strong point!
So I've apparently been in this funk as of late. Today while talking to R. on the phone, I asked him, "What is wrong with me?!? How long have I been this unbearable to be around??? It's making me crazy!!" To which he gave an honest answer that surprised me. I figured I'd been out of sorts for a few days; he estimated more like a week or two. What?!? But as he went on the explain what he meant, I realized he was very intuitive to my idiosyncrosies and was, unfortunately, right. (No one tell him I admitted this in public!!)
Something I know I've been doing ever since Tom died, and truth be known really for most of my life, has been putting myself down. Putting myself in the "social outcast" category and simply assuming that this was society's view of me. How unjust! How cruel! Screw them!! What my BFF, S., pointed out to me today was that I need to take these thoughts captive. They are just my schizo brain working against me. I know that none of it is true. God loves me, has blessed me, is faithful and will do it again. My children are beautiful and sweet and are lovable to more people than just me. R. has been graciously brought into my life, my parents are alive and healthy, I am healthier than I have been in 12 years. So what is my flippin' problem, anyhow?!?
Me. Plain and simple. More specifically, I have a disease called, "Whatif." Apparently, I naturally release a neurotoxin into my brain that completely paralyzes it to function rationally. It is characterized by ridiculous hypothetical thinking and "war gaming" a response to said hypothetical situations. While one part of me says that it helps me to emotionally prepare for things that would otherwise be tragic circumstances (a la the loss of my spouse), it makes me unable to let the sun fall on my face and smile that God has blessed me with another day of this life. To put it another way, it steals my joy.
Back to the scripture now... This passage is smack in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount in the Book of Matthew. Jesus is telling the people gathered there things that will help them to lead godly lives. He must've known I'd be reading this at some point in history and made sure that the scribes didn't edit this part out. Look back at v. 25: "...do not worry about your life..." and then at v. 32: "For your heavenly Father nows that you need all these things." Then we get into what we should really be occupying our time with, such as seeking the kingdom, etc.
Worry = trust in my book. I hate myself for being this worrier because I feel like it sends a message to God that says, "Yeah, about that help you gave me right after Tom died, yeah, thanks for that. But I'm gonna have to hold onto this other tiny crap because I'm just not sure if You're up to the job. I'll need to see some references and then someone will contact you..." Jesus tells us not to worry!! I really don't want to be disobedient to Big J! And by holding onto it, that's the message I feel like I send to Him. Ick.
Jesus also speaks to those of us who like to rationalize it. Don't we have enough on our plates from one day to the next to keep us busy? Why do we have to ask for stress and issues in advance? How absurd! I feel like my own worst enemy. Satan doesn't have to do much work on me to inch me off my walk with God; I tend to do the work for him. P-U!
So, I'm going to try really hard, every single day, to take these thoughts captive. This won't stop overnight. But each day is a new day -- "His mercies are new EVERY morning; GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!!" (Lamentations 3:23)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Today's Verse: Psalm 27:13-14
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."
Oh MAN. I hate it when I find exactly what I need to hear in the Bible. Mind you, not what I want to hear, necessarily, but what I need to hear. Actually, v. 13 is more what I believe in my heart, and v. 14 is what God is trying to hammer into my thick skull...
It's really hard to believe v. 13, but I know it has got to be true -- it is God's Word to me. And we could get into a really cool, intellectual conversation on the vailidity of the Christian Bible, how it has changed over the years, blah x3, ad nauseum. Really, what I think after it's all said and done is that the Holy Spirit has a hand in the modifications that have transpired over the generations. If God is truly sovereign and omnipotent, then even as much as we humans try to distort and edit the Bible, His Word will still accomplish the task for which it has been set forth.
Anyhoo, I think of Moses who saw the promised land spread out before him just before he died. This man went from a life of privilege to one of struggle and hardship, endured physical conditions in the desert and living off of God's provision for decades, tried to live in obedience to his Master despite the pressure and groanings of those in his care. All along, the Lord kept on telling him to just trust in Him, to keep on keepin' on, that He would bless Israel and provide this land for them. Just before Moses died (Deut. 34), Adonai made good on His word. Even though Moses never set a foot or a hem of his clothing on a single square inch of this hallowed ground, he laid eyes on it. He had physical, tangible evidence that our God keeps His promises. Now, Moses may have had a few opinions on God's timing, and we know what his opinions were about the whiners in the nation of Israel (and don't you think he's more than entitled?!?), but technically he did see God's promise fulfilled while he, too, was in the land of the living.
This just has to give me hope. As I sat by the pool today, watching prenant women waddle by, couples lounging lazily in the water together, thinking about my sweet cousin who got married today in Jamaica, I couldn't help but be a little morose. Why me? Why not me? God, why are you playing this game with me? Leave me alone! But you know what, I look at my life two years ago and compare that to present day. I had just begun to take an interest in dating after having lost Tom. I couldn't get anyone to give me the time of day. Two years later I have love in my life that I could have never imagined.
Which leads me to v. 14. Ever since 15 OCT 07, God has been trying to get this message through to me. He has subtly suggested it, sent the message through friends, and even put it in black and white in front of my face. I could see this text every day for a month and still have to be reminded of it. Some days I need the reprimand of the repetition of the phrase, "Wait on the LORD." Other days my spirits are low and I need the encouragement of the middle part: "Be strong and take heart."
"Wait" is not a word often heard in my vernacular. (That is, unless you are Bud or Lil' G, and it seems to be one of the only three or four words I seem to know how to say, but that's a different story altogether...) In my journey to become more self-aware and understand myself, and others, better, I know that I am one of those people who falls on the tip-end of the bell curve in many ways. I wouldn't quite call myself 'abnormal,' but I am definitely outside the range of what our wimpy society probably considers normal, and that's fine with me. Most of the time. The rest of the time it's extremely trying and frustrating. I feel like I do a lot of 'tolerating' in many ways, and this makes me cranky. Then I'm accused of being negative or some other lovely modifier.
To sum it up, patience is turning out to be such a painfully slow lesson for me to learn. I have a few options here, however: I can either repeat the mistakes of the past and reap a lifetime of stress and unhappiness, or I can slog through the life lesson and learn to live out what I proclaim to believe. The result(s) I desire are not guaranteed, and that is probably the hardest part for me to accept. And this is not limited to the romance department. This is all-encompassing in my life. So as God whispers v. 14 in my ear for the umpty-jillionth time, I go back to v. 13 in my mind and remember, if He could do it for Moses, He will do it for me. He has already been merciful and faithful beyond description in so many ways. Even if He never does another thing out of love for me, He has already far-exceeded any hope or expectation I could've ever dreamed up.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."
Oh MAN. I hate it when I find exactly what I need to hear in the Bible. Mind you, not what I want to hear, necessarily, but what I need to hear. Actually, v. 13 is more what I believe in my heart, and v. 14 is what God is trying to hammer into my thick skull...
It's really hard to believe v. 13, but I know it has got to be true -- it is God's Word to me. And we could get into a really cool, intellectual conversation on the vailidity of the Christian Bible, how it has changed over the years, blah x3, ad nauseum. Really, what I think after it's all said and done is that the Holy Spirit has a hand in the modifications that have transpired over the generations. If God is truly sovereign and omnipotent, then even as much as we humans try to distort and edit the Bible, His Word will still accomplish the task for which it has been set forth.
Anyhoo, I think of Moses who saw the promised land spread out before him just before he died. This man went from a life of privilege to one of struggle and hardship, endured physical conditions in the desert and living off of God's provision for decades, tried to live in obedience to his Master despite the pressure and groanings of those in his care. All along, the Lord kept on telling him to just trust in Him, to keep on keepin' on, that He would bless Israel and provide this land for them. Just before Moses died (Deut. 34), Adonai made good on His word. Even though Moses never set a foot or a hem of his clothing on a single square inch of this hallowed ground, he laid eyes on it. He had physical, tangible evidence that our God keeps His promises. Now, Moses may have had a few opinions on God's timing, and we know what his opinions were about the whiners in the nation of Israel (and don't you think he's more than entitled?!?), but technically he did see God's promise fulfilled while he, too, was in the land of the living.
This just has to give me hope. As I sat by the pool today, watching prenant women waddle by, couples lounging lazily in the water together, thinking about my sweet cousin who got married today in Jamaica, I couldn't help but be a little morose. Why me? Why not me? God, why are you playing this game with me? Leave me alone! But you know what, I look at my life two years ago and compare that to present day. I had just begun to take an interest in dating after having lost Tom. I couldn't get anyone to give me the time of day. Two years later I have love in my life that I could have never imagined.
Which leads me to v. 14. Ever since 15 OCT 07, God has been trying to get this message through to me. He has subtly suggested it, sent the message through friends, and even put it in black and white in front of my face. I could see this text every day for a month and still have to be reminded of it. Some days I need the reprimand of the repetition of the phrase, "Wait on the LORD." Other days my spirits are low and I need the encouragement of the middle part: "Be strong and take heart."
"Wait" is not a word often heard in my vernacular. (That is, unless you are Bud or Lil' G, and it seems to be one of the only three or four words I seem to know how to say, but that's a different story altogether...) In my journey to become more self-aware and understand myself, and others, better, I know that I am one of those people who falls on the tip-end of the bell curve in many ways. I wouldn't quite call myself 'abnormal,' but I am definitely outside the range of what our wimpy society probably considers normal, and that's fine with me. Most of the time. The rest of the time it's extremely trying and frustrating. I feel like I do a lot of 'tolerating' in many ways, and this makes me cranky. Then I'm accused of being negative or some other lovely modifier.
To sum it up, patience is turning out to be such a painfully slow lesson for me to learn. I have a few options here, however: I can either repeat the mistakes of the past and reap a lifetime of stress and unhappiness, or I can slog through the life lesson and learn to live out what I proclaim to believe. The result(s) I desire are not guaranteed, and that is probably the hardest part for me to accept. And this is not limited to the romance department. This is all-encompassing in my life. So as God whispers v. 14 in my ear for the umpty-jillionth time, I go back to v. 13 in my mind and remember, if He could do it for Moses, He will do it for me. He has already been merciful and faithful beyond description in so many ways. Even if He never does another thing out of love for me, He has already far-exceeded any hope or expectation I could've ever dreamed up.
A Response To Gretchen's Verse
I was over at Jewels In My Crown...Someday and had a real epiphany. She was mulling over Isaiah 64:8 and considering how we are clay fresh from the hands of Potter. She is so good to bring up a concept that gets to me like a poppy seed under your dentures (just guessing here; don't have them yet...) Specifically Gretchen mentioned narcissism. She said something once that really hit me in the gut: "Perfection is just another form of narcissism." EWWW!! I hate that because it's so true. I love to justify my perfectionism away by saying that I'm trying to offer my best to God, but that's a slippery slope to walk, I know. I hate admitting to being guilty of narcissism and not happy with the work God has created in me, but I am. How rotten!
All this reminds me of one of my favorite Amy Grant songs, "All I Ever Have To Be." There are more times than I care to admit where I'm trying to mastermind some silly plan for my life or self-improvement. What I really need to do is trust God with this stuff. How the song relates to everything is like this: there are many times when we just don't feel like things are going the way we want them to or thought they should. Our friends and family do what they can to encourage us, but there's always 3 more pounds we could lose, or one more thing we could improve around the house, something we could do to get a promotion at work, or the perfect thing we could say to improve a relationship. But how rewarding is it, really, to force a square peg in a round hole?? Why do we fight against letting God help us out, when He's standing right there just waiting for us to give Him the green light to bless our socks off? When we go through the ups and downs of life, when do we cross that gossamer-thin line between struggling with God and struggling against God?? If we could only realize the true blessing of just being exactly who we were created to be, and rest in that... That's what the song is about...
All this reminds me of one of my favorite Amy Grant songs, "All I Ever Have To Be." There are more times than I care to admit where I'm trying to mastermind some silly plan for my life or self-improvement. What I really need to do is trust God with this stuff. How the song relates to everything is like this: there are many times when we just don't feel like things are going the way we want them to or thought they should. Our friends and family do what they can to encourage us, but there's always 3 more pounds we could lose, or one more thing we could improve around the house, something we could do to get a promotion at work, or the perfect thing we could say to improve a relationship. But how rewarding is it, really, to force a square peg in a round hole?? Why do we fight against letting God help us out, when He's standing right there just waiting for us to give Him the green light to bless our socks off? When we go through the ups and downs of life, when do we cross that gossamer-thin line between struggling with God and struggling against God?? If we could only realize the true blessing of just being exactly who we were created to be, and rest in that... That's what the song is about...
Friday, June 6, 2008
Today's Verse(s): Psalm 16:11, 27:11, Proverbs 3:5-6
Thought we'd go with the theme of "paths" today:
Psalm 16:11 -- "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
Psalm 27:11 -- "Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors."
Proverbs 3:5-6 -- "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Just a side note: all of these verses, unless otherwise indicated, are NIV. If you want to read these verses in a different translation or version, click on the title of the blog and it will take you to Biblegateway.com, where you can get it in whichever flavor you like...
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