Today's Verse: Psalm 4:8

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."

Today's Verse: Psalm 27:13-14

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Oh MAN. I hate it when I find exactly what I need to hear in the Bible. Mind you, not what I want to hear, necessarily, but what I need to hear. Actually, v. 13 is more what I believe in my heart, and v. 14 is what God is trying to hammer into my thick skull...

It's really hard to believe v. 13, but I know it has got to be true -- it is God's Word to me. And we could get into a really cool, intellectual conversation on the vailidity of the Christian Bible, how it has changed over the years, blah x3, ad nauseum. Really, what I think after it's all said and done is that the Holy Spirit has a hand in the modifications that have transpired over the generations. If God is truly sovereign and omnipotent, then even as much as we humans try to distort and edit the Bible, His Word will still accomplish the task for which it has been set forth.

Anyhoo, I think of Moses who saw the promised land spread out before him just before he died. This man went from a life of privilege to one of struggle and hardship, endured physical conditions in the desert and living off of God's provision for decades, tried to live in obedience to his Master despite the pressure and groanings of those in his care. All along, the Lord kept on telling him to just trust in Him, to keep on keepin' on, that He would bless Israel and provide this land for them. Just before Moses died (Deut. 34), Adonai made good on His word. Even though Moses never set a foot or a hem of his clothing on a single square inch of this hallowed ground, he laid eyes on it. He had physical, tangible evidence that our God keeps His promises. Now, Moses may have had a few opinions on God's timing, and we know what his opinions were about the whiners in the nation of Israel (and don't you think he's more than entitled?!?), but technically he did see God's promise fulfilled while he, too, was in the land of the living.

This just has to give me hope. As I sat by the pool today, watching prenant women waddle by, couples lounging lazily in the water together, thinking about my sweet cousin who got married today in Jamaica, I couldn't help but be a little morose. Why me? Why not me? God, why are you playing this game with me? Leave me alone! But you know what, I look at my life two years ago and compare that to present day. I had just begun to take an interest in dating after having lost Tom. I couldn't get anyone to give me the time of day. Two years later I have love in my life that I could have never imagined.

Which leads me to v. 14. Ever since 15 OCT 07, God has been trying to get this message through to me. He has subtly suggested it, sent the message through friends, and even put it in black and white in front of my face. I could see this text every day for a month and still have to be reminded of it. Some days I need the reprimand of the repetition of the phrase, "Wait on the LORD." Other days my spirits are low and I need the encouragement of the middle part: "Be strong and take heart."

"Wait" is not a word often heard in my vernacular. (That is, unless you are Bud or Lil' G, and it seems to be one of the only three or four words I seem to know how to say, but that's a different story altogether...) In my journey to become more self-aware and understand myself, and others, better, I know that I am one of those people who falls on the tip-end of the bell curve in many ways. I wouldn't quite call myself 'abnormal,' but I am definitely outside the range of what our wimpy society probably considers normal, and that's fine with me. Most of the time. The rest of the time it's extremely trying and frustrating. I feel like I do a lot of 'tolerating' in many ways, and this makes me cranky. Then I'm accused of being negative or some other lovely modifier.

To sum it up, patience is turning out to be such a painfully slow lesson for me to learn. I have a few options here, however: I can either repeat the mistakes of the past and reap a lifetime of stress and unhappiness, or I can slog through the life lesson and learn to live out what I proclaim to believe. The result(s) I desire are not guaranteed, and that is probably the hardest part for me to accept. And this is not limited to the romance department. This is all-encompassing in my life. So as God whispers v. 14 in my ear for the umpty-jillionth time, I go back to v. 13 in my mind and remember, if He could do it for Moses, He will do it for me. He has already been merciful and faithful beyond description in so many ways. Even if He never does another thing out of love for me, He has already far-exceeded any hope or expectation I could've ever dreamed up.

Today's Verse(s): Psalm 16:11, 27:11, Proverbs 3:5-6

Thought we'd go with the theme of "paths" today:

Psalm 16:11 -- "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Psalm 27:11 -- "Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors."

Proverbs 3:5-6 -- "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Just a side note: all of these verses, unless otherwise indicated, are NIV. If you want to read these verses in a different translation or version, click on the title of the blog and it will take you to Biblegateway.com, where you can get it in whichever flavor you like...

Today's Verse: Psalm 68:4-6, 20

"Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds -- his names is the LORD -- and rejoice before him.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land...

Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign LORD comes escape from death."

I came about this passage quite ironically. A precious friend of mine who I know through a local support group for local clergywomen and other women involved in (career) ministry recently shared a few passages from Psalms that spoke to her during some devotion time. I've since deleted the email and been kicking myself for it because I've felt an urging of the Spirit to get back into the Word, and particularly feeling a pull toward the Psalms. (Hey, some people call Ghostbusters when there are strange, vexing events in their lives; I, however, resort to Psalms. Go figure.)

Anyhoo, at the same time, I've been doing some recreational reading as per usual during the summer. I've been putting off projects for PLMA, again as per usual, and I have to say, I heart Donald Miller. If you flip through my bookshelf over there on the right of the blog, you'll see two of his books there. I read, "Blue Like Jazz," last summer and was simply blown away by it. Miller takes something so profound as Christian spirituality and puts it into such grace-infused, simple, loving language that you just want to sit back and say, "Yeah, man...!" when you finish reading it. So, um, yeah... Oh yeah, summertime reading... So the other book on there is, "To Own A Dragon," which is Miller's look at what his life has been like as a result of growing up without a father. It really jumped out at me because of my life situation. I'm constantly wondering what impact our family tragedy will have on the kids as they mature and grow, and in particular I have a special ache in my heart for Bud. T. died when Bud was 9 months old. The word "dad" means something but not what it means for those of us who grew up in a household with a biological, or even adoptive (I suspect), father who was a positive, loving presence in our lives. I realize the word "dad" might make many people's skin crawl. In our situation, though, I envision Bud being on this lifequest to find out "who" he is because he lacked the love and presence of his dad and never really finding it, thus leading him down a dark, miserable path for years of his life. (I can't/won't comment on any future male influence for him and the impact that I suspect it could/would have. It would be pure speculation at this point, but it is my sincere prayer that it will, in fact, come about on the Lord's timing and be exactly what all three of us need. But I digress...)

So! Psalm devotion email + Donald Miller book = Psalm 68?!? OK, here's the connection: Miller lived with a friend and his family for a number of years. It was at this time that he was going through a lot of identity crisis and finally dealing with the hurt caused by his father ditching the family when he was quite small. He was incredibly isolated and lonely, even amongst friends. This hole in his heart really consumed him. He specifically mentioned v. 6a: "God sets the lonely in families..." He believed that God was teaching him something about fathers and sons and love by allowing him that intimate time living under the same roof as this close, loving Christian family.

I really identify with this passage on many levels. It's nice to know that God doesn't forget about those going through hard times, even when others seem to have. The hard reality is that life goes on, and no one else's life stops just because you have a crisis going on in yours. You haven't been forgotten, but it can feel like it. I don't necessarily believe that the scripture is specifically and singularly dealing with orphans and/or widows in v. 5. I think the concept being presented here is that He gives guidance, love, and direction to everyone, even and especially those who have none other in their lives. He ensures justice for those who can't defend themselves. Widows during Biblical times were strapped for survival from what I understand. They didn't have support groups and childcare; their only source of income was gone. During wartime, entire cities could have been left with no men around to provide a living. Entire generations and families were completely wiped out. If you were lucky, maybe you had a smelly, unattractive, single shepherd brother-in-law that inherited you. Otherwise, it was just you. Good luck! It's nice to know that, when the daily task of survival had to be attended to, you had God in your corner. Didn't make survival any easier no doubt, but at least maybe, for part of your day, your sense of isolation might not overwhelm you.

I know that having my children around has been my saving grace through everything. Yeah, there are days when I call them by their "pet" names, Heckyll and Jeckyll, which they find hysterical even though they haven't a clue what I'm talking about. But as lonely as I have been in various ways since T. went Home, I have had two reasons for living that have kept me sane: Lil' G and Bud. He set me in a family, a blessed burden which I love so dearly and will never feel as though I've ever deserved.

I love the praise imagery in this passage, too. To see Adonai riding on the clouds -- no doubt with His beard flowing like that of a gnarly old Harley rider -- is way cool. And v. 20 is such hope for anyone of any circumstance: death can mean so many things here. 99% of you will no doubt say, "God sent Jesus to die for our sins; he saves us from death and the grave." Thank you, little Susie, here's your gold star. Would anyone else like to give an answer? Perhaps step out of the box?? What about other forms of death besides physical or spiritual death? What about that nasty black funk we get into when we're going through crisis? As the "normal" person we were before is shed as we molt our exoskeleton and lie there as a wet, defenseless new creature, looking pretty beat up and pathetic? What death have you experienced in life? Death of a spouse/child/parent/friend/etc.? Divorce? Infidelity? Getting fired? Bad test results or a diagnosis? Abuse? Depression? Significant problems with your teenage child? How long could this list really get?!? There are things probably every day that could lay us out, save the grace of God. He doesn't just swoop in on that Harley-Davidson cloud of His and carry us off into glory. But I believe that, by having a relationship with God, it saves you so much heartache. You can't prevent these things from happening, but you do have a way to make sense out of something that seems incomprehensible. I love that Natalie Grant song, "Held," which starts off talking about a 2 month old baby, dying as his mother prays for him:

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

I think that's what the word "saves" means here. God can't keep all the bad things from happening in our lives. What He can do is hold us, be there with us, number our tears, and give us the promise that He really does love us and will dry each of these tears. He is truly sovereign over these things and is faithful to His word.