Meet The Chicas

I, like S4J, am having trouble knowing where to start and what all to say. What makes it worse is that, the longer it is since I've gotten home, I'm losing the freshness of all the memories and the high of being in Pennsylvania this time of year. It's taken me several days of working a paragraph at a time to even get this much out! I'd better crank out a couple of these while my brain is still functioning...

I thought I'd take some time to introduce you to the Chicas. Not all are bloggers, although some are. And let me state right off the bat, as to avoid any unforeseen "issues," that I'm not trying to be clique-ish here. I just want you all to find out what I enjoy about each of the '08 girls. With no further adieu, I give you the Chicas of 2008!

As many of you know, this is HisGirl, mommy and blogger extraordinare. She is the fearless leader in the group, our virtual cruise director. I may be the first one to charge into a burning building, for example, because someone said there is a child trapped inside, but His Girl will stop everything and discern a proper and efficient plan of action that is usually a hundred times more effective than bursting through the door. To say she is zany and hilarious is to really not do her justice, and to say that she thirsts for more knowledge of the Lord is the understatement of the year. I'm the cranky Martha trying to make everything just-so and be a good hostess, while she is the focused Mary, sitting at the feet of the King, soaking up wisdom and love that she doles out in generous measures to everyone in her path. And just when you think she's going to tell you to settle down, she does something completely hysterical like get verklempt over homemade fried chicken at an Amish restaurant. She is the Devoted Disciple of the group.

Next comes S4J, my musical partner in crime. I have known her the longest out of all the girls, and is actually the person who introduced me into the group. S4J is also the co-cruise director. She accuses me of being multi-talented just because I have musical ability. This heffer can take photographs that make Annie Leibowitz look like she's using a Dora the Explorer disposable camera, not to mention sing like a profession and even learned how to play guitar on a 12-string! Her sense of humor is just skewed enough for us to be lots of trouble together yet somehow keep her out of hot water. If you were to be stranded on a desert island with the two of us, I'd be the one trying to make a fire. She would be figuring out how to clean the water and sterilize things, after washing her hands, of course. I'd be kvechting about mosquito bites while she'd be singing some silly song about mosquitos being minions of the devil in the most pleasant voice you've ever heard. She would also let you cry tears of frustration until you were completely exhausted. She is our Loving, Looney Listener.

Our next chica is not a blogger, so she doesn't have an online handle. Let's call her... Rebecca Yoder. Or the Weaverton Schoolmarm. Your choice. Mrs. Yoder here is apparently the one we've got to keep our eyes on. She is quiet, gentle, funny, but has started coming out of her shell. She's like a geode: she may appear like your average, everyday stone you might find on a naturewalk, but once you have cracked this stone in half, there are brilliant, spectacular crystalline formations that you would never know was there if you only looked at the outside of the stone. What an unexpected surprise! When I first met RY she was quiet and reserved but always sweet as shoo-fly pie. Then last year in Seattle she surprised me by playing percussion (read: homemade shaker) during praise and worship. This year she pulled the rug out from under us! Not only was it her idea to put a certain someone's chonies on the line for "Jacob Yoder" next door to see, she hornswoggled us into a one room schoolhouse for an encounter with the living dead! (Think the Amish version of "Children of the Corn" and you'd be on the right track...) That sneaky Rebecca Yoder. It's always those quiet ones that you never suspect. That's why she's our Blossoming Blessing.

Here is one of our newest chicas, fresh off the farm. I really think this picture speaks more volumes that you could ever know. Also not a blogger, this new chikkie -- let's call her Bambi Stoltzenfus -- is my SOUL MATE! (OK, like, in a friend-to-friend way, you dirty birds!) It's a rare thing when I meet someone who shares so many qualities of mine. There is another chica who falls into this category, but she was not able to be here for this year's excursion. At any rate, I worried that we I would run her off and make her think we were complete weirdos. Yeah, right! Not only did she fit right in, she helped us take our ridiculous silliness to unheard-of levels. I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life about teaching kids why they need to use handsoap! If you were at a New Kids On The Block concert with her and asked her, in a moment of adolescent stupidity temporary weakness, if you should throw your panties on stage, she'd be two steps ahead of you: she'd unsnap the sides and give hers a toss and look at you like, "Hurry up!" However, I think my favorite thing about Mrs. Stoltzenfus is, in addition to her hijinks and hilarity, she is incredibly grounded and unwavering in her faith. She is the High-Octane, High-Quality Chica.

Meet yet another new chica, Jenster. (She's the one on the left.) Jenster graciously opened her home and hospitality to S4J and myself the night before the other chicas arrived on the scene, and I wonder if she had any way of knowing just what she was getting herself into! Mwaa ahh ahhh!! At any rate, she's funny, sneaky, and can crack the funniest joke you've ever heard while keeping a completely straight face. Two seconds after she's said the most hilarious, snarky thing you've heard in your life, she's overflowing with a wisdom and perception of how real life intersects with scripture and holy relationship that just blows your mind. On top of being a wife, a mother, a breast cancer survivor, and new chica, she is also gifted at speaking and integrating how faith should look in our lives, not how we should talk about what we believe. She is definitely the Deep Waters Chica.


This is our Chikkie. She makes each and every trip with us, in full garb depending on where the Chicas are headed that year. This year she is sporting her plain clothes, reminding us to focus on simplicity and keeping it simple. She may be the quietest member of the group, but her presence is always required in group pictures and ridiculous antics. Part of the fun of going on this trip each year, besides the big "reveal" of where we're headed to next, is to find out what Chikkie will be wearing to coordinate with the new location or theme. Not seen here in this picture is her evil twin, the Dirty Birdie. DB hasn't actually made an official appearance yet on these trips, but her presence is well-known and represented! We try to keep this under wraps, but once you get a gaggle of women together, well, you can imagine how it goes from there!

Lastly, here I am, giving you my best Jacob Yoder impression, trying desperately not to wet my pants with stifled laughter. If you could only know how hard we laughed on this trip, you'd think we would all have ripped abs by now! As for what I bring to the group, that depends on who you ask. Despite what actually ends up transpiring, I attempt to bring music and laughter to the group. I can usually be counted on to say something off-color to get someone to laugh or purposefully get the group charged up and their energy flowing. Which chica would I be, then? I'm just good ol' GGG.

Step By Step

"Hope does not necessarily take the form of excessive confidence; rather, it involves the simple willingness to take the next step." -- Stanley Hauerwas

I woke up this morning and had to remind myself it was Saturday. Then, being the number-obsessed person that I am, I was groggily trying to figure out what that made the date on the calendar. ' October 4th. Oh my gosh -- October 4th!' And then I lay there with a smile for a minute.

Twelve years ago today, after some "pre-event festivities" in the dorm, the juniors in the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M formed up behind Duncan Dining Hall, just behind the band. They milled around with their dates, if they had one, looking around nervously for seniors who were looking to smack them on top of their heads and rattle their bonfire pots (helmets). The rest of the attendants of Midnight Yell practice that night were already assembled at Kyle Field in the student section of the stadium, straining to hear the distinct thud of the bass drums echoing throughout the massive east Texas campus as the procession of the Fightin' Texas Aggie Band and the following entourage would make their way through campus and onto the football field.

Upon walking into the stadium and onto the sacred green grass, the crowd cheered wildly as they did every other time. The yell leaders roused the assembled group into a maroon frenzy as they led the yells (not cheers at A&M; that's for sissy schools with female hussies cheerleaders). Finally, after the "Beat The Hell" yell, as per usual, the lights were turned out at Kyle Field and the smooching began! For about three minutes, in the electrified darkness of the football field, those with dates got to kiss in keeping with Aggie tradition. When the lights came back on, a few more yells were done, everyone proceeded out of the stadium, and we probably don't want to know how the night ended for those in attendance...

If you could've been in that crowd looking down on the field at a dashing, young man in a red Company L-2 t-shirt, you would've seen him look sheepishly down at his date, give her a grin, and have his first kiss with her, a kiss that would begin almost a decade of love, children, the military, and end so quietly on November 30, 2005, in Shreveport, Louisiana, a kiss that can still be felt even today. You would've seen a ditzy blonde who had had one too many margaritas (I think; can't remember!!) who had been swept off her feet by this tall, dark, and handsome boy and had waited for over a month for him to finally ask her out. That's where it all began, folks, and the rest, they say is history...

I usually remember and celebrate this date, but I must admit it snuck up on me this year. I will always remember it, however, and I know it will always make me smile and chuckle a little at how young we were (and how stupid I was to drink all those margaritas!) and all of the good times we had, especially in college. It's a good memory.

I immediately fast-forward to the first summer after T. was gone. He had died 8 months earlier and I was realizing that I would probably want to have another relationship. This brought me no guilt; perhaps it should have. T. was a man of his word. He had told me more than once that, if anything should happen to him, that I should remarry. I, of course, told him that he was bound to me for eternity and, should he remarry, I would haunt him and the heffer he was with, so he'd better not chance it. At any rate, I was interested in men but was very nervous and insecure around them. Basically, they scared me to death. I hadn't dated in ten years -- had things changed that much?!? (Answer: more than you know!)

My first "relationship" after T. was weird. I tried the online dating thing, too, and all of my friends and family (who, conveniently, were married) freaked out at the thought of me going on a date with a perfect stranger met via these sources. It was a liberating feeling knowing that I was able to attract people, but I was also very afraid of letting them too close to me or the kids. There were many, many times where I figured this was my cross to bear, like it or not, and I was destined to hell on earth be alone forever. My friends would get to prattle on about their husbands, complain about what a drag it was to "have to" have sex with their husbands, get to be invited to things for couples, find out that they were pregnant (again! tee hee!), go out to dinner and watch a movie together, etc., and I would get to watch from the sidelines. My bonus prize for being a widow? Getting to hang around married people. Getting to hear moms complain that dads would rather take a nap or go hunting that help out with the kids ("I swear -- it is so hard to do everything by myself! I mean, he really does not know what I go through!"). Have to pay double to stay at a resort or go on a cruise because the rooms are meant for double occupancy. Eat alone at a restaurant. Go to the movies. Alone. Mow my yard, install and repair things in the house, maintain the vehicle, teach my kids to fish, fix broken furniture, etc. Alone. While the married couples rolled their eyes at each other.

I remember where I was when I realized that I was created for companionship. I was sitting at church, and my dear friend and pastor at the time was preaching about adam and eve (not capitalized on purpose; that's a whole other blog). At any rate, it is "right and salutary" that we should desire relationships and connection with others, especially male/female relationships and marriage. I guess I was waiting on a green light from God, and I felt like I had it.

There are scores of people who have lost a spouse that are, for whatever reason, unable to reach even this point. They dwell in the safety and comfort of that relationship, and for some it is all they say they desire. I would venture to guess a couple of things here:

1) The pain of losing their spouse is overwhelming, and eventually, the pain they feel becomes their companion. To be rid of that pain of loss would be akin to the complete absence of that person. They would rather hold on to the pain because, in an indirect way, it keeps that person close.

2) The number one reason that you hear (and honestly I question): issues of fidelity. Personally, I blame this on the modern, western concept of heaven. People romantically envision their spouse waiting patiently for them at the pearly gates, where they'll join hands and walk into the light to spend eternity together. *insert chirping birds and release the white doves on cue... To give one's self to another man/woman, even emotionally or romantically, much less physically, is to violate their marriage vows. They have become a cheater just because they didn't want to be lonely. How selfish of you. Bad widow/widower!

3) Maybe their marriage was less-than-ideal and they are finally free from emotional or physical bondage. To enter into another relationship seems like opening up a raw wound. Why would I want to let history repeat itself? they might ask.

4) They risk being hurt again, and quite frankly, they have checked off the "personal tragedy" box, thank you very much -- no need to ask for a second helping there. I think I myself fall into this category, but I didn't necessarily fit here at the beginning of my journey. My fellow heartbroken peeps just don't know how or if they'll survive a break up, a cheater, etc., in addition to having lost a spouse. The griefwork they already have to do is a heavy task, so why add to the load?

5) They perceive factors that should keep them from being "on the market" again. This could be age, appearance, children, and a kajillion other things. I most definitely fell into this category at first, although I have moved past it. My biggest factor was my children and their ages: Li'l G was 2 1/2 years old when T. died, and Bud was 9 months old and still nursing. Who was going to want to raise two small children with me? Or worse yet, who was going to find a stretched out, post-partum body attractive? T. was still attracted to me, but he saw my body when it was young and perky and watched it change with time and maternity. I was beautiful to him, but not in a single guy, lemme-put-dollar-bills-in-your-thong sort of way. You know what I mean.

And let me interrupt the blog right here to talk about plastic surgery for widows. If anyone out there wants to get upset that some of us do this, let me invite you to go sit on a pincushion. HARD. The perception is that, now that they roll naked in billions of insurance dollars on a daily basis and plot ways to throw away blood money, all widows go get themselves a pair of knockers because they've got "all this money to spend" now. Please, feel free to go stand on a subway track at rush hour and report back on how that felt. Most of the people (usually women) who do this, like me, feel completely undesirable and embarassed at how they will be perceived by a potential mate. If these people can do anything at all to restore a shred of confidence in themselves, then I say go for it. As long as they aren't snorting nose candy or becoming abusive alcoholics (which happens WAY more often than you'd think) and neglecting their kids, let these people get on with their lives without criticism. Chances are you wouldn't last a day going through what they go through.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog post. Where was I? Oh, yes. It is such a huge step to take back on to the dating field after loss. Terrifying. Worrisome. Stressful. I won't even lie. I'm in a fantastic relationship with R. and even then I still worry about things. But I have found that the risk has been worth it. I have learned lots about myself, but probably more about other people. I have learned that I'm really in this on my own. I know three other people, out of the scores of friends and family I'm blessed to have, that are in my shoes, one of whom is another military widow we served with at FT Riley. No matter how I explain things or look to my married friends for advice, sorry guys, it's just not working. We operate in such different spheres. I have to switch into my once-married brain just to be a part of conversation with them and function, much less not get my feelings hurt. It's not their fault they are still married, be it happily or not. And I'm so very thankful they cannot understand what my life is like; if they did, geez. Beyond terrible. Don't want to think about it.

I'd love to talk about how rewarding my relationship with R. is, but at his request, I try not to mention him on the blog. As I've said before, that's hard because I feel like I could really be sharing valuable insight and experience with other people, like me, who feel like they're all alone in this weird journey. All I can say is that every step has been important, and I have learned so much along the way. I was so scared that I'd never feel love again, as in, never have the capacity to love like that. (And it's hysterical at what a big deal the marrieds make out of the whole issue of sex, too. There are so many other things to worry about, but I digress.) I was scared about making myself (and my kids) vulnerable. I didn't realize how much "dirty laundry" in my heart I had to do until I was in the throes of my relationship with R. He doesn't realize it, but in needing to open myself up to him, I realized I was hanging on to unfinished business with T. In order to fully make my heart available to him, I needed to have some closure on those issues. It has been real work, let me tell you! But sooo worth the risk involved. And it has all been one HUGE opportunity to learn about trusting Abba.

One of my favorite verses I found recently was Psalm 116:5-8, and I keep it posted on the mirror in my bathroom:

"The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling."

I have needed reminding all along the way that I can rely on God, that he is consistent and faithful. It's an easy lesson to forget.

I don't know if most or even half of all who lose a spouse ever decide to take that next step in their lives toward loving again. I can tell you it's worth it, if you are someone out there in this position and wondering. (I can tell you NOT TO BRING THIS UP IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE FUNERAL or even for the first six months if you are someone trying to console a person who has lost a spouse.) After all, as Stanley Hauerwas said, the simple willingness to take the next step may be the biggest step you take of all.

Among God's best gifts to us are the people who love us.

To Have and To Hold, So To Speak

First of all, thank you for coming back!

I have felt a smidge guilty about my last posting. I try not to post crazy, off-the-wall rants here, but there are some times where the floodgates give way to the pressure behind them, and the result is the bloviating that ensued last week. I only wish I could blame it on PMS! Alas, there is a lot of that stuff floating around in my head. My usual attempts to control it malfunctioned, and there you have it. At any rate, there really are much more important matters going on in the world, believe it or not.

For example, things are just so odd right now in my life. For once, I am feeling wonderful peace in my relationship with R., satisfaction in how God is guiding me to be a loving, efficient parent, and trying to work hard on my various endeavors. Personally, I am sailing over serene, lovely waters right now. But as I cast my gaze to my left and right, there are some seriously churning waters surrounding important people and places in my life. I feel charged up and energized to take these burdens on in some serious prayer warfare and put some heat on the Oppressor. I have started my first prayer journal just for this purpose. And I'm NOT going to guilt-trip myself, as per usual, when I cannot make an entry in it daily. It's a discipline I've wanted to develop for years, and with the gravity of all that is going on around me, I figured there was no time like the present to embark on this journey.

On a somewhat-different-but-not-altogether-unrelated note, I was reading through I Thessalonians the other day for my Pauline epistles class and was struck by what a timely read this is for me. It is a short book, only five chapters long, but it leaves such an impression of connection and relationship that I cannot help but be encouraged by it.

Being one of many books in the New Testament attributed to Paul's authorship, it is considered to be the oldest known Christian document that we have access to today. It is estimated to have actually been written by Paul (not true of all of the epistles bearing his name) a mere 15-18 years after Christ's death and resurrection. I personally see this as a great barometer of what the early church must've been faced with, the energy amongst the new believers and leaders, and the challenges they faced at the time. For someone involved in various areas of ministry in their own church and looking to further that somehow, I Thessalonians turned out to be important for me to read anew.

At first, I started off thinking about my Chicas and some of the amazing Christian women I have known over the years in reading the first chapter. These are individuals that I feel have mentored me in some way, helped me get a step or two down the path that leads me closer to the cross. The reputation of their faith and understanding precedes them wherever they go, and I am humbled by their example. I struggle daily with how I can take the person God created me to be and follow their example, except in a way that is true to myself. Quite a task! And don't get me wrong -- I care nothing about mimicking someone that I admire; rather, I want to pick up the flecks of Jesus in their demeanor and personality and make it my own. Their love and nurturing have been balm for me, having just picked me up like a stray puppy and loved me unashamedly and unconditionally (I Thess. 2:7b-8).

Then my thinking shifted to my church. This group constantly has me in a state of utter confusion. I can get such a negative vibe hovering over our congregation at times; other times, it's bursting with brotherly love and the true presence of the Holy Spirit. As with any group of people, there are those who make it their life's work to attend to the various needs within the church, and there are those who expect red carpet service, and everyone in between. Really, I could be describing every single church on earth. This seems to be the nature of human beings everywhere, and believe me, it's not limited to churches or "religious" people. But it is what it is.

Being involved in a couple of different areas of my church, my attitudes fluctuate. One day I'm energized, mission-oriented, ready to go. The next day I'm out of steam, feeling burnt out and unappreciated but willing to continue working. On my lowest days, I wonder why I even care. Who wants to serve a person or group of people that stagnate, get comfy, and don't want to leave their spiritual grungy, old armchair? Or worse yet, what about those who walk away from the body of Christ because they got their feelings hurt or don't agree with someone else's theology, but they take the back door out of the community, not even desiring to mend the relationship? I toss my hands up in exasperation and think, "Lord, I'm done. D.U.N. You can have it all back. I'm obviously not cut out for this kind of stuff." Worse yet, I see other faithful servants hit their burnt out stage and I have nothing left with which to edify them, to build them up and tell them to hang in there. I try to be there for them, when in reality I could use someone doing the very same thing for me.

But as the old Amy Grant song says, I reach out for the Lamp, the Light, picking up the Word I find, and there's another letter... I Thessalonians gives me that little boost I need to realize I'm not alone here. It was I Thessalonians 5:12-15 (NRSV) that just floored me:

"12But we appeal to you, brothers and sisters,

to respect those who labor among you,

and have charge of you in the Lord and admonish you;

13esteem them very highly in love because of their work.

Be at peace among yourselves.

14And we urge you, beloved, to admonish the idlers,

encourage the fainthearted, help the weak,

be patient with all of them.

15See that none of you repays evil for evil,

but always seek to do good to one another and to all."

I will not be be specific or "air dirty laundry" here, but let me ask you all to be in prayer for my pastor and my church. As happens during the life of any group that chooses to gather in the name of Jesus, we're experiencing ups and downs on our journey. Our council met today, and despite the issues on our agenda, I felt a positive energy around the table. We have serious decisions to make in the coming months, and we as a council have been charged to facilitate wise decision making. We have a responsibility to not only communicate concerns to our congregation, but to live out I Thessalonians 5:12-15 and model it for them. God has called each of us to serve on this council at this time for a reason, and it is imperative that we take this scripture to heart. We cannot expect the pastor to be the remedy for every problem, nor can we sit around complaining and not desire to be part of the solution. Why, then, Lord, is it so difficult to rekindle the passion and the fire that once burned so brightly?

I think part of the problem that so many of us have overlooked is the "God" factor. We think that, if we only have more fellowship, or convince people to come back and be involved, etc., that we could solve some of our problems. Where does God fit in to this picture? Have we gotten so focused on what WE are doing or not doing that we have completely overlooked the lesson God might be trying to teach us here? What, in fact, is God trying to reveal to us by allowing us to go through a valley, rather than keeping us perpetually perched on the mountaintop?

I've got some theories, but that's all they really are. Bottom line, it just pains me to see such a precious group of people, a community in which I grew up and was nurtured and have chosen to to with my own children, struggle and pitch back and forth like this. I get so caught up in my passionate philosophizing that I completely forget where the cross should be in this picture, which is front and center. So, I'm taking it on in prayer. I've decided to make a serious committment to shut my mouth, open my heart, and listen for the whispers of the Holy Spirit concerning what our futures will hold.

This-N-That

Whew! It's been a whirlwind week, and I've gotten so far behind on posting that the hard drive in my brain is maxed out. I will attempt to recap:


As of last week, I have officially become a minion of the PTA at Li'l G's school. Honestly, I have been skeptical of PTAs because I am not very fond of cliques and anything that reminds me of my terrible days as an adolescent. However, this group of ladies seems like hard workers who truly want to be involved at the school to help support teachers and kids. I helped set up for the Book Fair and will work for a few hours there later this week. I may have an inner librarian working somewhere in the untold folds of my personality. At any rate, I'm not able to work things in the evenings due to my family structure, and this is one of the best ways to volunteer during the daytime. That, and I'm always on the lookout for new friends. The way I see it, the more connections we can make with other people the better. You never know when you might meet that one friend who becomes a gem you treasure for a lifetime.


The main focus of the last week or so has definitely been the fundraiser and praise band concert that went down at my church last night. We've been toiling away at practices. I know everyone on the team has got to be ready for a little space away from me as I struggled to get some of my fine tuning down. But the bottomline is that this is an unusually grace-filled group of people that I'm so blessed to have in my life. The fundraiser seems to have been a success, and we all left the concert feeling like we had put forth our best effort.


I was trying to explain to someone recently what it is like to play with a group of people. It's one thing to play an instrument or sing and have to be in front of a group of people, but when you do this in the context of praise and worship, it's a whole different enchilada. What we do as a praise band is meant for the direct benefit of the congregation and as our personal sacrifices of praise to the Lord. To me, I feel like the luckiest person in the room because of my vantage point. Not only am I doing something that I love and that I feel that God has blessed me to be able to share this passion with others, but the blessing I receive when I observe others listening to the music and interacting with it, it is something so sacred that I just cannot think of another way to experience it. All I can say is "wow."


Amidst all this fracas, R. came to visit for the weekend and I got one of my papers finished. Even Li'l G had homework that miraculously got done. All this done with a sinus headache all.weekend.long.


I need a weekend to recover from my weekend.


And now for the bad news: I have made an executive decision to cut something from my calendar. **Insert sound of needle scratching across vinyl record in the distance!!** What, GGG?!? You actually took something OFF your calendar? Honey, check the news -- I think Jesus is coming again...!


Yes, I have decided to take a committment away from myself so that I don't kill myself with too many items on the personal agenda. I am still cycling and even showing up to spinning if there's bad weather, but I do not have the time necessary to be properly trained for the bike race in October. It was a hard call to make, but it was the right choice. I will still train to enter a race, but I will put it off until the spring. I've got to properly prioritize my time these days, and quite frankly, it was taking up valuable space on the front burner. I will, however, continue to post for accountability. So none of you are off the hook, either!!! Thought you were off the hook... ;)


On a more philosophical note, I'm sensing change these days. I don't know what form to expect it in, but I have this unsettled feeling that there is going to be a major shift in my life over the next few months. This could be for several reasons.


1) Having been married to the military, I'm used to moving every 24 months or so. I've been living here in my new home, essentially my new life, for 25 months. Just sheer force of habit might lead me to expect change, right? Maybe...


2) I'm entering the last of four semesters of lay ministry training. I distinctly remember thinking after T. died that I wanted to enter into some kind of ministry, counseling, pastoring, worship leader/music ministry, etc. My pastor-at-the-time and friend advised me of this program offered through my denomination that might be interesting and even serve as part of the discerning process for me to consider what my calling might be or what the next steps of my new life would look like. Now, as I am nearing the end of this incubation period, I think I'm somewhat closer to figuring that out but still have no clear answers. Perhaps it's anxiety related to feeling like I've reached the end of one path and wondering where the beginning lies to the next one.


I know for sure that I will sorely miss the fellowship I experience at these meetings. The other PLM candidates are such interesting people who truly desire to take a further step in their involvement in the life of the church and those they are serving/will serve. Having almost 25-30 likeminded individuals gathered in one place just makes me giddy with excitement and energy to take the world by storm. The professors are such interesting folks and are all so anointed and yet so different from one another that I feel like I could just hang on their every word. Obviously I enjoy these sessions and will miss them so much. I have no idea who or what God will bring along to fill this void in my life.


3) I'm eccentric, hormonal, compulsive and turning 32 next month. Can anyone say mid-life crisis?!? However true of the first part, I can't really say I think it's a mid-life crisis. And I'm actually quite fond of being in my thirties. I think it is when human beings hit their prime. I definitely feel like this is the prime of my life and want to capitalize that in every possible way, hence all the fitness craze and the continuing education stuff. But is that the source of this "hunch?"


4) Maybe my relationship is moving into a new phase. I can't really say that much has changed, and even if it had, I'm under strict orders not to mention "him" on the blog. This is request is painfully hard for me to honor. While I don't have any problem with keeping a private life private, I also know that there are other people out there in my shoes who are aching inside, wondering what has happened to them, if things will ever change, who they are, who they want to be with, etc. I feel called to share my life's experiences, and dating after the death of a spouse is an area of our society left largely unexplored. Most people think it's too taboo to discuss. Then again, most people associate the word "widow" with people who look like Sophia Petrillo. While I probably act like her, I can assure you that is the only thing we have in common.


At any rate, perhaps there is change in our future. Will this change be a step toward a closer bond, toward a mature love that could lead to a lifelong committment and a chance at having another baby? I would love that. Or, will it lead to us shaking hands and saying, "I love you, but not like that?" I certainly hope not. But there is just no way of knowing, is there? Despite my feelings about wanting to reach out to this neglected group of the population, I will respect his wishes on this matter. It's the least I can do.


There are probably lots of other reasons for this hunch. The changing of the seasons, my hormones, too much sinus pressure, the anniversary of T.'s birthday this week, the desire to see change, seeing my family transition from a house ruled by the needs of toddlers to those of kids old enough to unbuckle their booster seats. My God, El Roi, God Who Sees, knows what's in my heart. He hears my silent cries of, "What now?", "Why not?", "Why me?", "Why not me?", and many others that only the Holy Spirit can utter on my behalf. And let the record show, I know this all has to be chalked up to trusting God to meet my needs and leaving it in God's hands.

And on top of all this madness, S4J goes off and posts about certain trust and gets us all convicted and stuff. Pft. How rood.

So there you have it, dear readers. What happens next in the never-ending drama/saga that is the life and times of GGG & Co.??? Tune in tomorrow for the next installement of, "The Days of Surviving Wives!"

Pit Stop: Home

Well, we have arrived home again from our time in Washington to the disgusting, oppressive heat in the grand ole state of Texas. Can you tell I'm thrilled to be home? There is something to be said for sleeping in one's own bed after a lengthy travel, but it's a bittersweet thing for me this time around. Once again, I'm having to reacclimate to being alone, and I don't like it one bit. My heart is with R. but my mind has got to be plugged in here, and I'm stressed out and distracted. You can imagine how much fun I am to be around right now!

It was a good, memorable experience. Can't really call it a vacation, because that's not what it was intended to be. I've been working on uploading pictures for almost an hour now, going through them and wondering just where the time went and how fast it went by. The kids really handled travelling well, and actually handled the time change better than me, truth be told. I look forward to schlepping them up there again sometime in the not-too-distant future, but with R.'s schedule being full of travel and unpredictability, and kids starting school soon, I'm not sure when that will be. However, we do have a family vacation planned with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents next week, and I'm trying to talk S4J into a mini-chicas this weekend.



Yes, yes, Gretchen and I did have our "MIRL," and it was just the coolest. Picture my personality but putting a "relaxed and groovy," laid-back, wise, funny spin on it, and you've got the Bloggy Queen of the PNW, as I've decided to dub her. Her kids are the coolest, and Big seems like a big sweetie to boot. She was uber-cool about my puky Lil' G and energized Bud, and we even got to enjoy a glass of local wine to top off the afternoon. It was an amazing treat and blessing to get to meet her and experience her heartfelt hospitality. Can someone say Chicas '09?!? haha!!!

I'll get to posting some of the cool pics and giving everyone the run-down in a bit. Got to sort out household/essential things that were deliciously neglected whilst I retreated to the arms of my sweetie, and start preparing for another trip. I have some interesting excerpts from some journaling and just "wow" pics to put up. BTW, keep your eyes open: there is a special event coming up here at GGG's place. I'm even getting my own cool button from HisGirl to kick it off!!! Be sure to check back...

Much love to Gretchen and everyone who prayed for and over this trip, my children, my relationship, my nerves, etc. Please keep those prayers coming. We still have a long way to go, but I know that God is faithful and present and sovereign. Check back soon for the latest updates!!!

Today's Verse: Genesis 2:7-8, 18-23

OK, everyone, another longer passage, but I promise a brief commentary. Gretchen over at Jewels In My Crown...Someday inspired me to post this, which I'll explain later. Here we go!

"The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.

"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all of the the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living craeture, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man.' "

Phew! OK. I hope I can convince you to keep reading, because this is one of THE MOST EXCITING PASSAGES of the Bible to me. I literally thrill every time I get to explain it. In my opinion, if one truly understands this passage, there is no reason to not want to believe in God, but that's just my opinion.

I know many people really hear God speaking to them in the New Testament, and I definitely believe all of the Bible to be important. It has been, however, in the last year that my perspective has changed. I see many Christians using the New Testament and the Ten Commandments as the restrictions and boundaries for their lives, and it really saddens me. Rather than seeing the New Testament as an extension of what can be learned from the Old Testament, it becomes the fundamental, final word for their lives, and ultimately the Gospel becomes another form of law. The Christian, and Lutheran, in me cringes and rebels instinctively when I hear this! The Gospel is not to be used in this way!! But that's a different argument for a different day... Gretchen pointed out that she tends to read more of the NT than the OT, and that many parts of the OT can be, well, "dry" to put it lightly. While I have to agree when we get to the loooong parts after the Ten Commandments about rules and regulations, etc., I think there's more to the OT than meets the eye.

I wish people could view the NT in light of the second creation story. OMG!!! Yes, I did just say that there are two creation narratives in the Bible. (There are also two flood narratives, FYI...) The first creation story is the older of the two, but today we're looking at the "younger" story.

The first creation story focuses on God, Elohim, and establishing that He is inherently good and all that He creates is inherently good and not evil. Man, NOT A GUY NAMED ADAM, is created after heaven, earth, sea, and creatures. Elohim is a Hebrew word meaning, "God," in a basic understanding. It implies majesty and divinity, just to keep it simple here for our purposes. The Hebrew word, 'adam, simply means mankind, and has a common root with the Hebrew word for earth, ground, land, and country. Interesting, huh?!?

OK, this is cool, but not my point. (If I said this was going to be brief, I guess I lied -- I just love looking at creation stories!) Taking what we know about the first creation story, I want to look at how the second one is different and why that matters so much to me. The name of God used in the second story is YHWHY, what we Christians call Yahweh. In Hebrew this word is perfectly symmetrical (in English it would be a palindrome) and contains no vowels (because Hebrew doesn't include them). Why is God called by two very distinct, different names? Here is the ENTIRE point of this post: RELATIONSHIP. As explained in my Key Word Study Bible, "The covenant name of God most prominently known in connection with His relationship with the nation of Israel." Because this name is so holy to our Jewish brothers and sisters, they will not pronounce it, but rather substitute the name Adonai here.

Relationship! That, my friends, is the key to the entire Bible. You have just learned the secret to why we have been created, why Jesus came in fulfillment of Scriptures, why we will be called home to meet our maker. Relationship! As in, He wants one with us!! Yes, even us.

In this version of the story, man is the first thing created. Adonai then goes on this mission of knowing Adam's heart, knowing that He created us for companionship, and bringing about all these other amazing creations in an effort to find that companionship for man. He allows Adam to give names to everything. I picture Adonai, like a parent at Christmas, giddy as His children get to find that last, hidden, unwrapped gift hiding behind the Christmas tree, the one real gift that they really wanted at Christmas but thinking Santa passed them by, only to stumble upon THE ultimate gift! This gift giving started at creation, continued through Jesus' sacrifice, and continues on even today and on down the road.

And the relationship doesn't stop there. Now that you can see this, go back and read Exodus. Read I and II Samuel. Read Daniel. Read as the children of Israel bitch and moan about being taken care of in the desert, after being rescued from generations of slavery and poverty. Read as God wipes everything off the face of the earth, save the faithful family of Noah. Read as we humans deserve, time and time again, to descend into the pit, but God is not willing that any of us should die, but have eternal life. He doesn't have to give us all these chances, but He does. WOW!!!

Relationships. That's it in a nutshell.

Today's Verse: Isaiah 46:11b-13a

"...What I have said, I will bring about: what I have planned, that will I do. Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted, you who are far from righteousness. I am bringing my righteousness near, it is not far away..."

Yes, yes, yes. I know I haven't posted anything in a few days. Between nursing a migraine, spending most of Sunday either on the road or in church, and just being exhausted and deep in thought in general, I have neglected several things, save kids and laundry. Sorry for the excuses.

I don't know why I'm like this, but I'm a cyclical person. I'm guessing we all are, and not in the way most women are thinking right now (thanks to Lybrel!). I'm cyclical in my thinking. I get going down the road of life and come to something in the road. I identify it, ponder it, occasionally usually overanalyze it, smack myself into gear, and resume my journey down the road. But for some ridiculous reason, that thing shows up again! It might be just after I round the corner, or it might be miles down the road, but invariably that "thing" will come right back and I go back through this process. Being a lover of logic and efficiency, this is quite frustrating to me, and in turn becomes frustrating to R., S., S4J those who have to hear me talk about it all the time. So why do I, or any of us, keep coming back to stumbling blocks in our roads?!?

I wish I had an answer for that, I really do. As I sat down today to write this blog, my heart was heavy with care. I'm at a real loss for how to handle a situation upon which I have a lot riding. If it didn't matter to me, it wouldn't register on my emotional radar, but since it matters quite a bit, it's like looking at a Category 5 hurricane on the doppler. I felt pressed to head to my good ol' standby, the Psalms. But as I opened my Bible, this verse smacked me in the face like a foul ball at a summertime t-ball game.

Yes, I know that I have taken a verse out of its socio-historical context, but sometimes when God really wants to catch your eye and make a point, usually before He does it the painful way, I think it's entirely possible that the Holy Spirit lets your eye catch on a word or phrase. For me, that phrase was LISTEN TO ME, YOU STUBBORN HEARTED!!

It's a rare thing to have something so obvious and pointed show up, as I like to say, in black and white on a billboard right in front of my face. How many more times am I going to blog about the same things bothering me? How many more passages of Scripture am I going to have to read before I get the point? How far gone is my situation going to have to go until it either smoothes out or completely unravels? I don't want it to unravel. In my effort to "work against that," I'm afraid that is exactly what is going to happen. I feel like God is trying to tell me to quit being a backseat driver and to get a grip, and I'm finding it so hard to do this. I am humbly asking for your prayers, both from those who are regular readers and those who stumble upon my posts, those who are Christian, those who are Jewish, Muslim, or any other "flavor" of religious expression. Please pray that God would give me the added measure of faith to rely upon His faithfulness, massive amounts of patience for all the people in my life, and for outrageous amounts of strength as my character is being developed, my relationships strengthened, the events of my life unfolding. I feel so trapped and paralyzed by my own stupidity sometimes! Please pray for me to be more optimistic about my life and to not be in such a hurry to live my life that I don't appreciate everything and everyone for exactly what and who they are for me. Thanks in advance.

And with that, I'm off to take the kids to see "Kung Fu Panda." :)

Dearest Tom...

Dearest Tom,

I don't why I feel compelled to write to you tonight, but I do. R. just came out for a weekend visit and returned home tonight. The kids and I had a great visit with him, and it means a lot to the kids that he made a special trip out here just to spend time with them.

It's so weird. I understand and oftentimes accept the thought of moving on for myself. It has been a different story for the kids. Most days are pretty routine for them, but some days or moments strike their hearts and they long for you. (In that respect, all three of us are a lot alike.) Then they, too, meet R. and fall in love. They still (and always will) call you and know you as, "Daddy," but the love and admiration in their hearts for him just makes my heart ache. Sam thrives on his approval and masculinity. Grace curls up in his arms and unabashedly lays her heart in his strong hands, just the way she used to do with you. It breaks my heart that you're not here to experience this, but it uplifts me to see how God has provided fatherly love for our kids.

How is it possible to love and to mourn simultaneously? To move forward and yet bring part of the past along with you? To yearn for the love torn so quickly out of our grasp, yet not desire for anything to be different, lest the precious new love be lost forever?

This is where I live -- in a garden of vibrant colors under a veil of thick, grey fog. There are more and more moments where the fog breaks long enough to reveal colors so intense and beautiful that it almost hurts my eyes to behold. It is the light of God's goodness and love shining down on His unimaginable blessings that I know I'm experiencing, that I thought I'd never experience again after that fleeting moment in which you were gone. That fog turned the colors of my landscape to shades of grey. It is only now, two and a half years later, that those colors have returned...

...I am so blessed and so lucky to have found you both. I just can't wait to tell you all about it someday. But, then again, I bet you already know...

DEATH BY WHITE STAG!!!

Egads, GGG! Where have you been?? Inquiring minds need to know...!!

Patience, my pretties, patience. Actually, I do appreciate the concerned comments. Mama P, I named this blog especially for you. I nearly fell outta my chair when I read, "Death by White Stag?" What a frightening thought, to meet one's demise in the smarmy, unmonitored dressing "rooms" of one's local Wal-Mart. If there is a God in heaven above, I pray that the Almighty would see fit to spare me such a gnarly demise -- haven't I suffered enough?!?

OK. All joking aside. I'd love to just put out a blanket, "I've been really busy," excuse, but you, the Readership, would have none of that. Let's take a stroll through the past 30 days:

Picture it: Alabama, April 4, 2008. A hot, young widow struggles with the forces of nature and Homeland Security to fall into the strong arms of the Pookie who loves her. (Did I mention how amazingly attractive this girl is?!? I digress...) I spent a weekend having some much-needed Pookie time. We ate, we drank, we ate some more, we went to the Space Museum in Huntsville and saw exhibits and a great IMAX film, "The Miracle of Flight." I felt like I was on a middle school science field trip. It was great. BTW, did I mention that this is where NASA hosts Space Camp for kids??? And did I mention that going to Space Camp was, like my DREAM ever since the space shuttle Challenger's unbelieveable demise?!?!? It was so neat to see all that stuff. Anyhoo, we had a nice, long dinner at a great German restaurant and just had some much-needed down time, for once being in the same zip code.

They also had the coolest OCC Liberty Bike on display (that's "Orange County Chopper," for those not in the know). The whole thing was made out of bronze and had various effects incorporating the Statue of Liberty. Such a cool bike. I'm sure Paulie designed the bike -- such a creative guy!

In addition to being a globe-trotting GGG (does that now make me "4G"??), I have been in full immersion mode for Lay Ministry training. I've been working at getting ahead in my assignments, and as of about 15 APR, I blew a fuse. The material I had to read, especially from, "Where God Meets Man," was so intense and meaty that I ended up limp with exhaustion and nursing a raging headache for three days after I finished reading it. Between the eye strain and the incredible amounts of great information I digested, I just could not function; I went into safe mode.

Let me add some theological insight here: I am learning daily what it means to me to not only be a Christian, but what it means to express that through the denominational affiliation of being Lutheran. Being raised in the Lutheran church is not exactly the most charismatic of experiences. So many of us who choose to attend denominational churches are "box checkers" or conformists, which disgusts me to no end. On the other hand, as I'm growing and reading more and understanding more clearly, I am alarmed and concerned at things that I hear other churches passing off as gospel truth and sound preaching. What is so frightening is that the basic tenets of what they put forth as truth are not fundamentally wrong; however, it is in the fine details that people are not getting a transparent view of our God, our Holy Scriptures, and the world around us. These fine details are most destructive when they become so embedded in the parts that are true that one cannot separate one from the other. My bottomline comes down to these two points: 1) Challenge your beliefs and articulate exactly what you believe as often as you can, and 2) Search out the parts of your belief system that conflicts or doesn't have a clear meaning or explanation to you. How can we offer the Truth of the Gospel to unbelievers and skeptics when our own beliefs don't make sense to us? Do you know basic meanings of the words you use to share the message of the Gospel, so that you can explain what they mean to a person who has no earthly idea what you're talking about??? Just because you read something in the Bible and think it's talking about A, B, or C doesn't mean even you truly understand what you've just read. Question and research what pastors and teachers tell you. We are all human. What they are teaching and preaching should really be driving us to interact with God and the Word for ourselves, praying that the Spirit would reveal truth to us and give us understanding of what we read.

Also, don't just stop there. Take your body and your mind and squeeze yourself into the text and times of our Scriptures. Don't be blindly fundamental or flaky and symbolic. Do the work -- search it out -- open your heart and prepare to have your socks blown off!

And DON'T attend a church because you like the pastor, the music is good, your kids' friends attend the youth group, or the programs are great. Choose your faith community wisely. Don't just look at what one congregation says it believes, although that is hugely important. Look at what the denomination as a whole professes. If they ordain gays and lesbians and you don't agree with it, you might as well start agreeing with it if you decide to attend church there. If they say that Jesus was merely a human who was adopted as God's Son at His baptism (aka Adoptionists) and you don't agree with it, you might as well start agreeing with it. What you hear preached in your church will be impacted by the doctrines of the larger church, so don't think it doesn't matter! And you Non-Denoms, you don't escape this conundrum, either. I think you guys actually have to be even more discerning because you do not have as many affiliations and larger administration covering doctrinal matters. I simply think we've all got to do a lot more looking at the fine print to make sure things are not slipping past us that appear benign but, grain of sand at a time, can build up quickly to be major stumbling blocks on our spiritual paths. OK...sermon is over!

Dateline: 26 APR 08, My town, Texas... TORNADO!!! This is not an actual picture of my neighborhood, but it was the closest thing I could find on Google Images to what I actually saw. Here's how the near-deadly scene unfolded:

Lil' G had a violin recital last Friday evening. She and Bud were bathed, dressed, and waiting patiently on the couch watching "Go, Diego, Go," and I was putting the final touches on my hot self. I mean, it's difficult to improve upon near perfection, but what can I say... Anyhoo, after sprucing up, I was on my way out of my bedroom when I happened to look out my window, which is usually behind the closed blinds by this time of day. I noticed a weird looking cloud and lots of wind. Thinking that the clouds looked awful greenish-grey and that the wind was really churning, I went out to the back porch. The weather sirens were blaring through the town, and I could see a wall of rain headed north and a black wall of clouds headed south. Uh, yeah, we're not leaving for the recital. Amidst the angered cries for Diego, I told the kids to go sit in our "safe place" for bad weather as I checked the local TV station for the latest weather update...

"...Fire Station 2 on XYZ Road has just confirmed a tornado on the ground just west of the high school and coming south across the lake on FM 1234..."

If you could run your fingers over a map of where I live, you would take XYZ Road and drag your finger west of said fire station. Leave that finger there. Take another finger and cross over the lake on FM 1234. The intersection of those two paths leads to, LITERALLY, my backyard. So what do I do? Well, I do what any good Texan does -- I go stand out on the back porch to watch it go by!!! Really, it did not touch down until it was about 3 miles south of my house, so it must not have touched down for too long near me. The bigger story was the SOFTBALL sized hail that commenced afterward. By the time the tornado was well out of our way, I was debating whether or not to load up and still try to make the recital. After all, we still had 15 minutes until it started. No sooner had the thought passed through my pea-sized brain, I heard a strange 'thud' in the road. It came faster and faster. Apparently there must be a girls' softball team in heaven, and boy were they pissed! We had huge hail and heavy rain for 15 solid minutes. On one hand, I was so thankful that my car was inside the garage. On the other hand, I halfway considered backing it out in the driveway -- Lord knows it would've been totalled and I would be sportin' a new ride by now! Oh well...stupid conscience...

Lastly, and possibly more importantly, I've been in a bit of a funk, too. I don't know how I find the time to devote the kinds of energy it takes to really pull this off well, but I somehow manage to do it with flying colors. I'm at a point in my life where my love life and my life with friends -- close female friends -- are both very important to me. I won't expound on my love life here, other than to say that yes, in fact, I do still have one and that it is truly full of love. Perhaps that is precisely what makes being so far away from him so hard. Understanding the "why" behind it doesn't make it any more pleasant to deal with. I live for the few hours a month we get to see each other, and the time we spend keeping in touch in between. I look at where my life was a year ago today, and just gush when I think about where things are now, in this department.

The arena of friendship has been a very difficult pill to swallow ever since I left the security of my former life as a military spouse to the wilderness of civilian life with a military heart. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain, be they between sweethearts or even close friends of any gender. I pine for the days when I could wander in and out of the homes of my friends, meet and socialize, be involved in activities together.

I also feel caught in the middle of two dimensions of existence: domestic goddess and young, single modern woman. The two have almost nothing in common with each other. Domestic Goddess makes Gap and Old Navy cotton look chic. She thrives off of having a clean, organized home, age level-appropriate toys and TV for her children, healthy, balanced meals, sparkling laundry rooms complete with empty hampers, a handle on the ins and outs of running a household and being a homeowner. Young, Single, Modern Woman is focused on what she does, her interests, her hobbies, her health and fitness, how to fill weekends with down time and social interaction, mingling, networking, keeping an open mind in relationships, being well-rounded, etc. I love being a mom. It is the single most important job I've ever had, and my two children are some of the only things in my life I have managed to "do" right. If I died before the end of this post, I would feel like my life finally had meaning once these two beautiful creatures entered into my life. However, I'm not married. I can't always be domestic. I'm young and cute (OK, hot), and having to do the North American DoDo Mating Dance, which is so damned frustrating! (Rewarding yet frustrating at this age...) I'm not divorced, I don't have a husband to complain about, but people who are single don't have to care about being covered in nasty toddler diahrrea 15 minutes after they were supposed to have taken someone to school or showed up at a board meeting. Obviously, I have a hard time discerning what category(ies) I fall into. This translates itself in the friendship arena as trying to figure out with whom I share the most in common. To whom will I feel the closest bond? Will my married friends ever forsake sacred family time to come spend time with a single friend? Is it appropriate to even ask? Who will return the gesture of my friendship? I sit at home every single night, waiting for my evening phone call. When it comes after a night of socializing with friends, I admit I feel so jealous that he can have that outlet and I do not. Don't misunderstand me: I love the domestic side of my life. It's just so complex to weave these two sides together.

I could go on about several of these topics, but I think I've had enough of a bloggy blowout to satisfy some of you for at least a day or two. Things are still good, ever busy, and I can't wait for next week to be over. Bit o' advance warning: don't expect much blogging for another week or so. But I am still here. Steady and sure, as the heartbeat of a newborn baby trying to survive in a world she doesn't understand and in which she feels completely vulnerable all the time...

Book Review

I was in LifeWay today looking at books (because, you know, I don't have enough going on in my life and have hours to sit around contemplating life and reading for leisure). I've decided to read, The Case For Christ, by Lee Strobel, and then pass it along to R. Since one book wasn't enough to appease my appetite, I wandered through the relationship/marriage/parenting section. It's been a looong time since I had the stomach to even tolerate this aisle of the bookstore, since, to me, it represented exactly what I wanted that I didn't have and was starting to believe I'd never have again. But I digress...

So noticed a book about saving your marriage before it even began and thought, "That's a novel idea!" Just as I was reaching for it, I noticed the title, Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Begins. OK, here we GO! I have to admit, at first I was skeptical. There is almost no literature or any type of resources, Christian or secular, for widows/widowers who decide to venture into dating and marriage after loss of their spouse. I figured I would find more of the same: the same judgement passed that, just because you were about to embark on a second marriage, you were divorced (spoken in hushed, scandalized tones) and going down some sinful, regrettable road in your life. I was sooo pleasantly surprised! Written by a husband and wife Christian counseling team, they address nine questions to ask yourself before and after remarrying from the perspective of a divorcee, a widow/widower, and even the person who is marrying for the first time but is marrying someone for whom it will be their second marriage. Brilliant!

I sat down and read the first four chapters already. It was interesting to read what some of the questions were, for starters. They include:

1) Are You Ready To Get Married Again?
2) Have You Faced The Myths Of Marriage With Honesty?
3) Can You Identify Your Love Style?
4) Have You Developed The Habit Of Happiness?
5) Can You Say What You Mean And Understand What You Hear?
6) Have You Bridged The Gender Gap?
7) Do You Know How To Fight A Good Fight?
8) Do You Know How To Blend A Family?
9) Are You And Your Partner Soul Mates?

I highly recommend this book to anyone, regardless of circumstances, who is faced with the thrilling and intimidating thought of being married again. I would also challenge my married friends to grab this book (or its predecessor, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). They even have workbooks for men and women that have questionairres to help you assess where you are with each question, and although I haven't picked that up (I didn't see any), I think they'd make a great springboard for breaking the ice with your spouse/fiancee/etc. over these topics. I think the chapter about love style is an especially important one for couples who are already married. It really makes you stop and think about how much relationships change and just how much work marriage really is.

She's Got (Walk) Bloginality, (Talk) Bloginality!

My Bloginality is ENTP!!!

What on earth is this? Well, Bloginality is a website that asks you four questions designed to analyze how you make decisions, interact with others, process information, and what motivates you. (After the kind of day I've had, I'm not so sure I wanted to hear any of this!) As for what this really means, read a blurb from the site:

"As an ENTP, you are Extraverted, iNtuative, Thinking, and Perceiving. This makes your primary focus on Extraverted Intuition with Introverted Thinking. This is defined as a NT personality, which is part of Carl Jung's Rational (Knowledge Seeking) type, and more specifically the Inventors or Visionaries.

As a weblogger, your love for a discussion may cause you to debate things more often. You might also flit from idea to idea, not completing one before going to the next. Your largest sense is intution, which makes you a good at understanding what is going on around you - and this could act to your benefit when making blog-like posts over a journal."

While I do enjoy discourse and debate, it wasn't necessarily how my personality comes across on my blog that I cared so much about. I am much more interested in how these characteristics manifest themselves in my daily life. This site definitely hit on all of my personality traits, the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is a lot of information out there, so I won't link you to it all; if you want to read it, you can click on the link above to discover all my dirty little secrets. ;)

There was something on there I discovered that I found to be an interesting way of viewing relationships. I took the quiz as if Ron was reading it. We have discussed things enough to where I think I know what his answers would be. Two of the four were the opposite of what I would answer. If my guesses were accurate, he would be a totally different personality from mine; however, our personality types were listed as good compliments to each other. As I read more, I learned that some people may have identical qualities, but it's the ways in which we utilize those qualities that create the differences in us. I definitely see that in our relationship. (This is the point at which Amber would interject that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.) :)

Hit the site, and post a comment about which type you are and whether or not you agree with it...