Holiday Hope

"There is a past which is gone forever, but there is a future which is still our own." -- F.W. Robertson

I just have to take a moment to gloat a little. Today is my rockin'-est day of December yet. Got kids off to school this morning, had my hot coffee in hand. We woke up to a day that was already 30 degrees colder than predicted. Seriously, I think our high temperature yesterday was 79 or 80 degrees! Who needs Hawai'i for Christmas when you could take a gamble on Texas?!? At any rate, I got home, put on all my uber-cold weather gear, wrapped my pipes, pulled all of the old, mostly dead plants out of my garden and built a fire in the fireplace. Even as I sit here with my steaming cup of homemade apple cider, I can hear the crackle of the dry pecan wood over the Amy Grant Christmas CD playing. The high temperature for the day was 39 degrees, around 0730 this morning. Temperatures have been dropping slightly all morning, and you can just tell that the thick, grey clouds overhead are pregnant with moisture. What I wouldn't give for some snow!

Speaking of which, this winter storm charging across the midwest reminds me of our first Christmas at FT Riley, Kansas. This Texas felt as if surely Christ were hovering above the horizon, threatening to return -- it was just ungodly cold and snowy for what seemed like years (really just four solid months -- but still!).

I digress. Christmas cards got sent last week. Three out of four PLMA papers have been typed, proofread, and submitted as of today, the original deadline. I've got chili simmering in the crockpot, and I just finished making cookie dough so that the kids can help me bake and decorate our cheap economical Christmas gifts for teachers. I've got all but one last Christmas gift bought and paid for, but I still have wrapping left to do.

Either way, I'm unusually chipper for this time of year. What's up, GGG? Did you put a little Captain Morgan's in that "apple" cider? This just isn't like you! No duh -- I've even surprised myself! Hahaha...

I've actually been mulling over this post now since 10 DEC. I was in the kitchen over at the sink, and looked up long enough to read the quote on my "Home Sweet Home In Family, In Nation, In God" calendar. The quote I fell upon, posted up above, really struck a chord with me, and I wanted to pay that forward to you, The Readership.

We won't even get into all of the problems in the world. I started a short list in my last post that couldn't even cover the tip of the iceberg. When I read this quote, however, I didn't think about anyone else's problems. I selfishly thought of my own. Of course, my thoughts naturally jumped right to losing T. As anyone who specifically loses a spouse, you grieve not just the loss of your mate, and hopefully best friend as was my case, but you also grieve the loss of your future together -- you grieve raising your children together, rediscovering your romance once the nest is empty, seeing each other through health scares and taking care of each other as you prepare to look Homeward. You grieve the loss of children you will never give birth to. For me, I also grieved the loss of the military lifestyle and watching my husband work diligently to earn rank and change jobs and grow as a father. You grieve the loss of being grandparents together. Am I making my point? There are just so many things you can't even think of until you're a little down the road and they smack like big juicy bugs on the windshield of your life. Then you just look at it, crestfallen, and think, "Crap." I'm sure that people who lose children grieve the loss of seeing them grow up, find careers, fall in love and marry, and watching them blossom into the adults you always prayed they would be. I cannot know for sure since that has not been a part of my life. Either way, memories are bittersweet and can cause as much anguish as they do laughter and nostalgic smiles. All you have is the past -- you no longer have a future with this person.

Then my thoughts jumped to my extended family situation. Maybe many of you have been in this position. My grandparents are having issues associated with growing older and reaching a different, difficult stage in life that affects everyone who knows and loves them. There is a lot of musing about how quickly things have changed, how things used to be, and what on earth the future will look like. The grief process has likely begun for some in my family who live far away and see the changes more starkly because they cannot be around to see the gradual progression of life. For them, I think an entire chapter is over and another begun, not necessarily one that is pleasant but rather is part of the natural course of human life. For those of us who live locally, we see the pages turning one or two at a time, but to others who live further away it might seem like reading the first few pages of the chapter and then skipping fifty pages to the next chapter. For all of us, it makes us realize how blessed our past has been with these two precious people and how we long to return to those days when we were all younger, vital, and thriving. But the fact remains that we can't regress to the past.

No matter if you grieve the loss of a loved one, if you have lost your job, if you have fallen out of love with your spouse or you are awaiting news from the doctor regarding your health, there is a past which we all might look back on and realize that it slipped right by us. This can be oppressive at the holidays. No wonder suicide statistics are higher at this time of year. We all need to allow ourselves to take time -- time for rest, time to eat well, time to reflect and pray, time to cry or be angry. These are things that are necessary, not only to keep us sane, but even to keep our bodies healthy. However, it's easy to get stuck there and bog down. We've got to allow ourselves that time of addressing our burdens, a time of healing, and a time of moving forward.

C'mon, GGG, what about Jeremiah 29:11? Don't you know that's the perfect verse here?? Yeah, whatever. That verse used to give me fits. "Oh, really? God has a future and a hope for me? Mmm, yeah, he's got a jacked up way of showing that." As terrible as that sounds, I needed to get to that dark place, the bottom of the pit of despair before I could not look any lower -- I could only look Upward. Only then could I really appreciate how God could act in my life and come to treasure Jeremiah 29:11.

As I wallowed in my muck for a little while, I recalled something I had heard Thelma Wells of Women of Faith fame talk about at an old conference. She gave a personal testimony about a long string of hardships she and her family had endured through the years, and she turned it around with Lamentations 3:22-23:

"22Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (NKJV)

Or better yet, read how The Message paraphrases vv. 22-24:

"God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left."

After I claimed that as a promise, then Jeremiah 29:11 was less of a bitter pill to swallow. There was, indeed, a future ahead of me, a future I could pursue and take hold of, own for myself. If I already knew God to be consistent and faithful, why would he not uphold this promise, too? I had to come to terms with the fact that the future and hope I had originally envisioned was gone, but that didn't mean that there was not another, completely different, completely wonderful future ahead of me.

The past is just that, and we can't live there. We can dust it off and revisit it, but there is a future ahead of us. It may not look like we planned, but there is a tomorrow. That future waits for us to get up, get moving, and claim it with God's help. That is my Christmas gift to you -- to encourage you to move forward, one small step at a time.

Hurricane Ike Photographs

Words really cannot do justice to some of these photographs. As I looked at each one and read the captions, I thought, 'Oh, I've got to post this one,' but then the next one was more impressive and so on. So to keep it manageable, click on the title of this blog post to link to the photographs. Just amazing.

Hurricane Ike Update

Nothing. Nada. Not a darned thing.

That's what effects we felt of this monster storm.

I guess I should be more positive -- we got one brief shower that was enough to dissolve the fertilizer I put out this morning. And we didn't have any damage or outage of power.

But seeing as I have no life and immensely enjoy rainy days, this was one of the most anti-climactic days I've had since the kids and I returned home from Washington.

On a lighter note, I will be travelling this week to Salt Lake City. Since I am not Mormon, nor do I ever plan to be, some of you might be wondering why on earth I'm headed there this week. As it turns out, there is a reunion for the unit with which R. served in Iraq. I had the privilege of meeting some of the veterans from this unit on Memorial Day on the National Mall. I was so touched by the sense of connection these guys shared. So many of them are Vietnam vets and have really fought and struggled to reclaim their lives from the harrowing images of battle and the heartbreak of fallen comrades. What amazes me is the look they give one another as they embrace and say, "Welcome home, brother," even after so many years. They didn't just return home from war at some time in the past. They return home to each other every time they gather and fellowship together.

Another reason why I will travel with R. to support him and this group of warriors is because of how the older guys support the current generation. The guys who have been around the block can spot a soldier from a mile away who is at high risk for not handling life back home very well. They love these young warriors and knock themselves out to tell them how proud they are of them and how they are there if the need arises.

What am I there for? To observe these brothers-in-arms reuniting, strengthening a bond that is crucial. To express to R. that I love him by supporting this tight-knit group that mean more to him than most people. To experience a part of the country I've never seen before. To hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing on Thursday night. And to look good at the banquet, too. :)

And BTW, if any of you are locals or have been to SLC before, toss me some pointers on things not to be missed!!

Under The Gun

Alrighty, Texas. Looks like it's our turn to take a hit for the team. I wonder, how many of our evacuees will Louisiana accept?...

We are looking at tropical storm conditions where I live in Central Texas by Saturday evening, so it looks like my wish for rain will be more than granted. We'll probably hole up in the house with popcorn and movies, possibly throw a roast in the crock pot, too.

S4J, can I evacuate to your house?!? :) Pre-Chicas '08!

New Orleanian Blogger

I've referred you guys to Father Hollywood's blog before, so he will likely be a familiar "face/voice" to you. He and his family have evacuated, as they live in the NOLA/Gretna area. I am hoping he will find a way to blog his experiences from the viewpoint of someone hoping beyond all hope to have something to which he can come home. If nothing else, it will be interesting to hear from the front lines after Gustav has passed through. Also keep your eyes peeled to S4J, as she will undoubtedly have some exciting weather to endure in the coming days.

Check up on Father Hollywood here and S4J here.

Gustav: A Matter of Where, Not When

Good grief. Just when we thought that our "Chocolate City" had seen enough drama, this happens. Thankfully, according to an article on Bloomberg.com, NOLA residents are taking a life-threatening Category 4 hurricane seriously this time. A local business owner was quoted as saying, "The hurricane isn't even in the Gulf of Mexico and the town is a ghost town." GOOD!! IT SHOULD'VE LOOKED LIKE THAT WHEN KATRINA WAS ON THE WAY!!! But I digress... Read the article here. I expect that we'll get some rain out this, too, if we're lucky. We could use the precipitation.

This map can be found on the NOAA website. I think these guys have such cool jobs. I've always had a real fascination with weather, weather patterns, and catastrophic weather events. I wouldn't be good at doing any of the math, but I sure do enjoy the science behind meterology.

Regardless of the fact that the eye is not predicted to pass directly over NOLA, they are most definitely on the more dangerous side of the hurricane. Quoted from the website HurricaneTrack.com,



"The maximum effects of a hurricane are usually felt within what is called the right-front quadrant. Here the winds are (typically) strongest, storm surge is highest, and the possibility of tornadoes is greatest. It is important to know whether or not your area will be affected by the right-front quadrant. It could mean the difference between maximum hurricane conditions or a glancing blow."

Unfortunately, if you superimpose this map over the predicted landfall of Gustav, NOLA falls directly in this quadrant of the hurricane, so it doesn't look good.

I won't comment on politics or personal opinion right now, because I'm sure you all know exactly how I feel about the Katrina debacle by now. (And if you don't, you probably don't want to know.) Let's just all pray for every man, woman, child, and animal fighting to survive right now. And let's please not focus just on NOLA. True, the squeakiest door gets the majority of the grease, but let's cast our eyes a little further west. People living in Cameron and Calcasieu Parishes will likely lose everything they have in this hurricane. They were directly hit by Rita three years ago and were almost wiped off the map then. (FYI: Lake Charles is in Calcasieu Parish, for a frame of reference.) There are plenty of low-income families living there, farmers, etc., who took a massive hit. There were even reports of flooded cemeteries with caskets floating like macabre driftwood in Cameron Parish. And we can't forget S4J and several other of my peeps in that neck of the woods, as the eye is predicted to more or less pass directly over them.

Praising God that His hand is already on this... Praying for leaders to do the right thing for their constituents... Praying for people to take initiative...

Is That GGG Trying to Mow Her Lawn Again?!?

Almost, but not quite. While some of you may think I bear some off-the-wall resemblance to Prince Harry (see picture), I assure you that I am not any blood relation, haha... HOWEVER!! That is almost the appropriate gear to don when attempting to do yardwork at my house these days.

Now let me just set the record straight: I do not live in a rural area. Granted, the town in which I live has a high ratio of farmers/rednecks:normal human beings, but I do live in a bona fide subdivision within incorporated city limits. That being said, I simply have the thickest, most dense St. Augustine grass in the south and it laughs at me when I crank up my lawnmower. It scoffs at my naive attempts to manage or manicure my property.

Two weeks ago, as I stand in the mid-90 degree, 75% humity-infused, central Texas heat, trying for a solid 10 minutes to crank my buggared, old green lawnmower, I nearly had a stroke from the effort it took just to crank the darned thing. I had run out of gas after mowing the front yard and had made one pass around the back when it gave out. Once it was filled up with about $3.50 worth of gas, I went through the aforementioned cranking ordeal and then had a breakdown: "NOOOOOOO!!!! I don't have to take the abuse any longer!!" I walked away from the monster, leaving it in the backyard and marched to Lowe's to buy a fancy-schmancy new lawnmower. She's candy-apple red, with an electric start AND a manual crank. I feel like I just bought a Corvette! (It should've come with leather hand grips for what I paid for it, but that's a totally different story. Just as you should NEVER go grocery shopping when you're hungry, NEVER, EVER, EVER go shopping for major appliances or power tools within 24 hours of your old one claiming victory over you -- it's not pretty... But I digress...)

Fast-forward to today. I have given up precious time at the gym to get back to my lawn, which is tall and out of control. It's too thick to let it go so long, and the poor Corvette/lawnmower kept gagging on all the clippings. Mulching blades are apparently a mixed blessing. As I looked back on the side yard just after mowing it, it looked as if there was green snow on the yard. Silly me, I think, "Maybe if I put the bag on it and go back over it all, it will suck up the clippings into the bag, kinda like a vaccuum for your yard!" Girls, apparently this is something that boys are figuring out while we're watching the period film in the 4th grade: lawnmowers are not, in fact, vaccuums for your yard. I had to hand-scoop this miniscule stuff into the dang bag.

Then, to add insult to injury, just as I get into my Amazonian back yard and make that initial pass around the edge of the yard -- mind you, the same stretch done two weeks ago, while the center 80% of the yard has gone unruly and untouched for three weeks and is now practically halfway up Bud's legs, still rests unscathed -- it begins to rain, and I mean pour. The gardener in me is thankful for the rain, but the homeowner in me wants to throw a grade-one FIT!!

So if any of you should catch me skulking about in the backyard all camo'd up and low crawling, I'm probably just venturing out to either find my children or tend my garden...

"My Soul Wells Up With Hallelujahs..."

Just saw this over at S4J's page. It's by far one (of many) of my favorite Chris Rice songs. So, watch this lovely video and read the description that the El-shaddai Himself gives of the magnitude of His creations and His knowledge in Job 38:1-42:6...

DEATH BY WHITE STAG!!!

Egads, GGG! Where have you been?? Inquiring minds need to know...!!

Patience, my pretties, patience. Actually, I do appreciate the concerned comments. Mama P, I named this blog especially for you. I nearly fell outta my chair when I read, "Death by White Stag?" What a frightening thought, to meet one's demise in the smarmy, unmonitored dressing "rooms" of one's local Wal-Mart. If there is a God in heaven above, I pray that the Almighty would see fit to spare me such a gnarly demise -- haven't I suffered enough?!?

OK. All joking aside. I'd love to just put out a blanket, "I've been really busy," excuse, but you, the Readership, would have none of that. Let's take a stroll through the past 30 days:

Picture it: Alabama, April 4, 2008. A hot, young widow struggles with the forces of nature and Homeland Security to fall into the strong arms of the Pookie who loves her. (Did I mention how amazingly attractive this girl is?!? I digress...) I spent a weekend having some much-needed Pookie time. We ate, we drank, we ate some more, we went to the Space Museum in Huntsville and saw exhibits and a great IMAX film, "The Miracle of Flight." I felt like I was on a middle school science field trip. It was great. BTW, did I mention that this is where NASA hosts Space Camp for kids??? And did I mention that going to Space Camp was, like my DREAM ever since the space shuttle Challenger's unbelieveable demise?!?!? It was so neat to see all that stuff. Anyhoo, we had a nice, long dinner at a great German restaurant and just had some much-needed down time, for once being in the same zip code.

They also had the coolest OCC Liberty Bike on display (that's "Orange County Chopper," for those not in the know). The whole thing was made out of bronze and had various effects incorporating the Statue of Liberty. Such a cool bike. I'm sure Paulie designed the bike -- such a creative guy!

In addition to being a globe-trotting GGG (does that now make me "4G"??), I have been in full immersion mode for Lay Ministry training. I've been working at getting ahead in my assignments, and as of about 15 APR, I blew a fuse. The material I had to read, especially from, "Where God Meets Man," was so intense and meaty that I ended up limp with exhaustion and nursing a raging headache for three days after I finished reading it. Between the eye strain and the incredible amounts of great information I digested, I just could not function; I went into safe mode.

Let me add some theological insight here: I am learning daily what it means to me to not only be a Christian, but what it means to express that through the denominational affiliation of being Lutheran. Being raised in the Lutheran church is not exactly the most charismatic of experiences. So many of us who choose to attend denominational churches are "box checkers" or conformists, which disgusts me to no end. On the other hand, as I'm growing and reading more and understanding more clearly, I am alarmed and concerned at things that I hear other churches passing off as gospel truth and sound preaching. What is so frightening is that the basic tenets of what they put forth as truth are not fundamentally wrong; however, it is in the fine details that people are not getting a transparent view of our God, our Holy Scriptures, and the world around us. These fine details are most destructive when they become so embedded in the parts that are true that one cannot separate one from the other. My bottomline comes down to these two points: 1) Challenge your beliefs and articulate exactly what you believe as often as you can, and 2) Search out the parts of your belief system that conflicts or doesn't have a clear meaning or explanation to you. How can we offer the Truth of the Gospel to unbelievers and skeptics when our own beliefs don't make sense to us? Do you know basic meanings of the words you use to share the message of the Gospel, so that you can explain what they mean to a person who has no earthly idea what you're talking about??? Just because you read something in the Bible and think it's talking about A, B, or C doesn't mean even you truly understand what you've just read. Question and research what pastors and teachers tell you. We are all human. What they are teaching and preaching should really be driving us to interact with God and the Word for ourselves, praying that the Spirit would reveal truth to us and give us understanding of what we read.

Also, don't just stop there. Take your body and your mind and squeeze yourself into the text and times of our Scriptures. Don't be blindly fundamental or flaky and symbolic. Do the work -- search it out -- open your heart and prepare to have your socks blown off!

And DON'T attend a church because you like the pastor, the music is good, your kids' friends attend the youth group, or the programs are great. Choose your faith community wisely. Don't just look at what one congregation says it believes, although that is hugely important. Look at what the denomination as a whole professes. If they ordain gays and lesbians and you don't agree with it, you might as well start agreeing with it if you decide to attend church there. If they say that Jesus was merely a human who was adopted as God's Son at His baptism (aka Adoptionists) and you don't agree with it, you might as well start agreeing with it. What you hear preached in your church will be impacted by the doctrines of the larger church, so don't think it doesn't matter! And you Non-Denoms, you don't escape this conundrum, either. I think you guys actually have to be even more discerning because you do not have as many affiliations and larger administration covering doctrinal matters. I simply think we've all got to do a lot more looking at the fine print to make sure things are not slipping past us that appear benign but, grain of sand at a time, can build up quickly to be major stumbling blocks on our spiritual paths. OK...sermon is over!

Dateline: 26 APR 08, My town, Texas... TORNADO!!! This is not an actual picture of my neighborhood, but it was the closest thing I could find on Google Images to what I actually saw. Here's how the near-deadly scene unfolded:

Lil' G had a violin recital last Friday evening. She and Bud were bathed, dressed, and waiting patiently on the couch watching "Go, Diego, Go," and I was putting the final touches on my hot self. I mean, it's difficult to improve upon near perfection, but what can I say... Anyhoo, after sprucing up, I was on my way out of my bedroom when I happened to look out my window, which is usually behind the closed blinds by this time of day. I noticed a weird looking cloud and lots of wind. Thinking that the clouds looked awful greenish-grey and that the wind was really churning, I went out to the back porch. The weather sirens were blaring through the town, and I could see a wall of rain headed north and a black wall of clouds headed south. Uh, yeah, we're not leaving for the recital. Amidst the angered cries for Diego, I told the kids to go sit in our "safe place" for bad weather as I checked the local TV station for the latest weather update...

"...Fire Station 2 on XYZ Road has just confirmed a tornado on the ground just west of the high school and coming south across the lake on FM 1234..."

If you could run your fingers over a map of where I live, you would take XYZ Road and drag your finger west of said fire station. Leave that finger there. Take another finger and cross over the lake on FM 1234. The intersection of those two paths leads to, LITERALLY, my backyard. So what do I do? Well, I do what any good Texan does -- I go stand out on the back porch to watch it go by!!! Really, it did not touch down until it was about 3 miles south of my house, so it must not have touched down for too long near me. The bigger story was the SOFTBALL sized hail that commenced afterward. By the time the tornado was well out of our way, I was debating whether or not to load up and still try to make the recital. After all, we still had 15 minutes until it started. No sooner had the thought passed through my pea-sized brain, I heard a strange 'thud' in the road. It came faster and faster. Apparently there must be a girls' softball team in heaven, and boy were they pissed! We had huge hail and heavy rain for 15 solid minutes. On one hand, I was so thankful that my car was inside the garage. On the other hand, I halfway considered backing it out in the driveway -- Lord knows it would've been totalled and I would be sportin' a new ride by now! Oh well...stupid conscience...

Lastly, and possibly more importantly, I've been in a bit of a funk, too. I don't know how I find the time to devote the kinds of energy it takes to really pull this off well, but I somehow manage to do it with flying colors. I'm at a point in my life where my love life and my life with friends -- close female friends -- are both very important to me. I won't expound on my love life here, other than to say that yes, in fact, I do still have one and that it is truly full of love. Perhaps that is precisely what makes being so far away from him so hard. Understanding the "why" behind it doesn't make it any more pleasant to deal with. I live for the few hours a month we get to see each other, and the time we spend keeping in touch in between. I look at where my life was a year ago today, and just gush when I think about where things are now, in this department.

The arena of friendship has been a very difficult pill to swallow ever since I left the security of my former life as a military spouse to the wilderness of civilian life with a military heart. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain, be they between sweethearts or even close friends of any gender. I pine for the days when I could wander in and out of the homes of my friends, meet and socialize, be involved in activities together.

I also feel caught in the middle of two dimensions of existence: domestic goddess and young, single modern woman. The two have almost nothing in common with each other. Domestic Goddess makes Gap and Old Navy cotton look chic. She thrives off of having a clean, organized home, age level-appropriate toys and TV for her children, healthy, balanced meals, sparkling laundry rooms complete with empty hampers, a handle on the ins and outs of running a household and being a homeowner. Young, Single, Modern Woman is focused on what she does, her interests, her hobbies, her health and fitness, how to fill weekends with down time and social interaction, mingling, networking, keeping an open mind in relationships, being well-rounded, etc. I love being a mom. It is the single most important job I've ever had, and my two children are some of the only things in my life I have managed to "do" right. If I died before the end of this post, I would feel like my life finally had meaning once these two beautiful creatures entered into my life. However, I'm not married. I can't always be domestic. I'm young and cute (OK, hot), and having to do the North American DoDo Mating Dance, which is so damned frustrating! (Rewarding yet frustrating at this age...) I'm not divorced, I don't have a husband to complain about, but people who are single don't have to care about being covered in nasty toddler diahrrea 15 minutes after they were supposed to have taken someone to school or showed up at a board meeting. Obviously, I have a hard time discerning what category(ies) I fall into. This translates itself in the friendship arena as trying to figure out with whom I share the most in common. To whom will I feel the closest bond? Will my married friends ever forsake sacred family time to come spend time with a single friend? Is it appropriate to even ask? Who will return the gesture of my friendship? I sit at home every single night, waiting for my evening phone call. When it comes after a night of socializing with friends, I admit I feel so jealous that he can have that outlet and I do not. Don't misunderstand me: I love the domestic side of my life. It's just so complex to weave these two sides together.

I could go on about several of these topics, but I think I've had enough of a bloggy blowout to satisfy some of you for at least a day or two. Things are still good, ever busy, and I can't wait for next week to be over. Bit o' advance warning: don't expect much blogging for another week or so. But I am still here. Steady and sure, as the heartbeat of a newborn baby trying to survive in a world she doesn't understand and in which she feels completely vulnerable all the time...