Backpacking Through Joshua: Week Three

I'm tired and my face hurts. (Pregnancy-induced cystic acne. I hate it.) My son hasn't been to school in two weeks between personal illness and snow days called by the local school district. I've had out of state company for five days this week. I'm exhausted. But I will post for Week Three if it's the last thing I do! (covers head and waits for lightning to strike)

I seriously considered just doing the reading and not posting anything for this week for all of the above reasons, and then some. But after reading Joshua 3 and the "Putting It Out There" questions, I realized, This is easy -- I got this! The only problem will be limiting this to a bazillion words or less... I'm super excited about the questions, the answers that I have to give, and better yet the glaring proof in the pudding that is the Joshua 3 text. Let's dive in.

"Putting It Out There" Questions:

1) Are there some areas in your life in which you allow God to lead more than others?

2) Tell of a time you followed God's lead into an unfamiliar territory. If you don't have particular experience, talk about why you think that may be.

Oh man... rubs hands together Mr. Miyagi-style...

1) This is a hard question to answer. I'd love to say, "I live my life in complete submission to the Gospel and to God's will for my life." Even if that were true, I'm not even sure I would know if it actually was the truth. Being such a tightly-wound, Type A personality, it's hard to allow God to lead me. I've actually struggled with this for much of my life, but more intentionally over the last six or seven years. I earnestly pray and try to allow God to lead in areas of decision making. This can be tricky in my marriage, but I also understand that I am to treat my husband as a Christian husband regardless of whether he is or not (i.e., we are not praying together over a decision, but I am definitely praying over the decision to be made and how we will come together to make it, if it's a situation that involves both of us). I am very excited and driven when it comes to music ministry. I have to slap myself with the humble stick on a regular basis to remind myself that a) this gift is not mine to own but is a blessing from God and is God's to use, and b) if it becomes about me, my interests, my "territory", things have gone way off track and I need to step back, humble myself, and refocus on Who, why, etc. Those two areas seem rather broad, but those are really the parts of my life that are the most apt to derail away from God. I am constantly trying to keep myself in check so that I don't find myself trying to take the reins away from God and act like I have a clue of how to run the show, so to speak.

2) Here's the question I've been waiting for!

First of all, Joshua 3 is one of the examples of why I love to read the Old Testament. It is fraught with symbolism and ritual and outlandishly amazing examples of God's master plan unraveling in the history of the world. This is big-deal stuff, everybody!

Paraphrase: Joshua addresses the Israelites and says, "Get ready. You are going to be stepping out of the box -- again -- but the cool thing -- again -- is that God will be standing in front of you, and you are to physically walk behind God. Don't worry about the fact that you have no idea where you are going. You've got the God GPS fully charged and functioning. All you have to do is prepare yourselves and keep your eyes open. Let's go!"

How many times in our lives have we gone into unchartered territory in our lives? How many times have we prayed, cried out, worried, fretted, prayed some more, consulted wise friends and family, prayed a little more, and then stepped a little toe in the direction we thought we were supposed to go? Was God behind this choice? Sure hope so. Sure think so. I mean, I prayed about it, right? But is this one of those situations where God says yes, no, or remains silent? Can someone please just tell me what to do?!? Or maybe your reaction is one of, "Never mind! Forget it! This is too hard/weird/uncomfortable/etc. I'm staying right.where.I.am."

Can I admit something? I just want to say that I'm jealous of the Israelites. They knew they were on a journey of extraordinary importance and that there was plenty of unchartered territory. But they had, in their belief, the physical presence of God walking directly in front of them. They were, essentially, walking in God's footsteps into the Promised Land just like I used to do as a kid. My dad and I would go on these wonderful long walks on my grandparents' farm through really tall grasses (tall for a kid who was probably only four feet tall). He would walk in front of me to make a path through the brush, grass, or thorny mesquite trees. All I had to do was put my foot on the exact same place where his had been, and I would have a perfectly clear passage through the central Texas wilderness. Joshua tells them, " 'When you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God being carried by the levitical priests, then you shall set out from your place. Follow it, so that you may know the way you should go, for you have not passed this way before...' Then Joshua said to the people, 'Sanctify yourselves; for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.' " (Joshua 3:3-4a, 5; emphasis mine). The Israelites believed the God physically resided in the ark of the covenant, so this is a huge deal for them to have God leading the way so physically and symbolically.

Unfortunately, our lives are not quite this simple. We find ourselves in wildernesses or being forced to step out of the box, whether or not we want to. Almost like being shoved out of a door completely naked, only to realize you are on stage at Radio City Music Hall with the spotlight on you. This is soooo not where you want to be right now, but there is no door knob to turn and you have to stand there and deal with the situation in which you have found yourself.

My story is a long one, which I can relate in a later post because it really is worth telling, and no doubt many of you have heard it. In a nutshell, my unfamiliar territory came on November 29 and 30, 2005. That was the day my late husband, T., was involved in a motorcycle accident, and he died the following day. I was 29 years old. My daughter was 2 1/2, my son was 9 months old. We were given no choices. He suffered a ruptured carotid artery, the pressure in his brain soared, and he was gone. Just like that. Talk about a wilderness.

As overwhelming an experience as this was, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Everlasting God was present that day. There were no levitical priests carrying God in a box showing me how to handle myself, my grief, or anything like that. I just knew that I could collapse in the arms of the Father, and he would be there to catch me. In fact, God would take it a step further. God would carry me when I needed it, and when possible, God would prop me up on these shaky legs and encourage me to take baby steps on my own, much like we do with our kids when they learn to ride a bike without training wheels. I laid face down on a bathroom floor in LSU Medical Center in Shreveport, Louisiana, and my entire body and soul wept. I begged God to take this burden from me, not as I willed but as God willed. I begged God to take it from me because I could not bear it on my own. I somehow got up off that floor, faced the doctors calling time of death, brought my babies in to tell their dad good-bye, arranged the organ donations, and began the journey back to Fort Polk to begin the process of burying my husband and soul mate and figure out how to live a life without him. Every single day since then feels like unfamiliar territory. Then again, unfamiliar territory and existing outside of the box has begun to feel familiar to me. Regardless, I know that God has been here every step of the way, and as hard as it has been to follow, I fully appreciate and understand that there is truly no other way to handle it.

Favorite verse for Week Three: " '...Sanctify yourselves; for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.' " -- Joshua 3:5