Baby Mine

As I sit here typing tonight, I'm sipping a beer, my stomach is flat, and my body feels pretty good considering I've been travelling for the last month. Five years ago, the picture looked a little different...

After having labored for 36 hours, I finally delivered my first child, my daughter, Lil' G. I was quite overdue and impatient to meet this mystery baby, as we had decided to find out if she was going to be a "she" or a "he" until her birth. I remember buying a gallon of milk that expired on August 3, 2003, and I commented to my mother, "By the time this milk expires, I will have already had the baby!" *Insert dreamy sigh here* Almost two weeks later, all I had was rotten milk and no baby. I sat in her little room, the last time it would ever be spotlessly clean, baby jungle animals suspended in mid-air over the crib, and just breathed in the smell of adorable onesies washed in Dreft, meticulously folded and put away in the drawers. Why, God, why? Why must you be so cruel?!? All I want is to finally become a mother, finally meet this person who has already changed my life! Oh, the agony... Five years later, I'm wondering why I didn't go out and get a pedicure instead of sitting there kvetching about not being in excruciating pain with idiot nurses telling me how to breathe and that I had to wait for my epidural, but then again, isn't hindsight 20-20??

I remember her soft, delicate cry, the way she was hungry yet curious about her surroundings. I remember her plump cheeks and tiny fingers and toes. I remember feeling that finally my life had meaning, and there was, in fact, a reason why God had put me here on this earth. I remember calming her by singing, "You've Got A Friend," by James Taylor, which she certainly heard enough of in the womb and probably recognized. I remember T. beaming as he held in the arms the love of his life, how he never left her side, and how close they were even until the last moments of his life.

Now that Lil' G is five (going on fifteen, I swear), I look at how she has gone from a bald, butterball baby to a sassy, sneaky, strong little girl. How could anyone ever desire to go through life without the love of a child in their lives? And I don't mean as the favorite aunt or uncle, but as a parent, the one person who knows their child better than even they know themselves. I can't say for sure, but I think that adoptive parents experience this even though they did not give physical birth to their child. In fact, I would venture to guess that their bonds are even more intense, adding on the years of longing, the hardships of going through the process of searching, matching, and finally meeting. Birth parents and adoptive parents gestate love in their hearts, and ultimately it is love that overrides the importance of DNA.

This picture is the first one taken of Lil' G after she was born. I'm fairly certain that T. was the first person she laid eyes on in this world. I keep it in a Harley-Davidson picture frame that I gave T. as a gift after she was born. On the frame reads this quotation: "The best part of any journey is the people we meet along the way." Happy birthday, Lil' G -- we love you!