Let The Airing of Grievances Begin!

I tell ya, I have been on a real tear now for a while. Every five minutes yesterday I picked up my phone to tweet about something that was really gettin' under my skin, but thankfully I listened to my conscience and reconsidered, lest I post something that was just rude and cranky. But I realized as the day progressed that I may not be the only person out here who feels this way, and sometimes a good rant is just in order. I really am not angry about anything, just a little irritated here and there. Kinda like sporadic diaper rash or something, I don't know. There are just a few grievances I'd like to get out in the open. In the spirit of Festivus, as Mr. Constanza would say, let the grievances begin!

First of all, if you haven't seen the Festivus clips from "Seinfeld," here ya go:

If you are a "Seinfeld" fan, you will find this hysterical; otherwise, skip it. Let's hit it!

SUZANNE SOMERS

This is really what got it all started for me yesterday. I had come home from a walk and working in the yard and was changing clothes in my room. It is my habit to turn on the local NBC affiliate in the morning to check news and weather, and I must have left the TV on after I went downstairs to get on with my day. Either way, "Live With Regis and Kelly" was on, which I normally miss since the TV is normally off by that time of day. Suzanne Somers was the guest, and she was promoting a book she recently "wrote". It FLOORED me how this movie star was going on and on about how she sits in restaurants and criticizes people. She claimed that, if a person has a puffy face, then you know they are gluten intolerant. Really, Dr. Somers? I'm gluten intolerant? Oh, wait a minute... I'M PREGNANT! Maybe my lower abdominal swelling is due to the presence of strains of candida replicating out of control in my rotten gut like you suggest... Oh, wait yet another minute... That would be MY BABY. Wow, too bad you spent all that time and money on medical school to incorrectly diagnose my puffy face and bloated gut... Oh, wait yet another minute... you HAVEN'T attended medical school! That's right! I just wanted to barf (not morning sickness) as she proceeded to condescend to Seth Meyers and Kelly Ripa and the audience about all the ills of our diets, lifestyles, ad nauseum. If you go to her website and blog, you get more of her edicts from on high about hormones, the crappy food we eat, and basically how the medical community is a bunch of three year-olds playing dress up and wearing adult-sized stethoscopes. In her blog she quotes all sorts of medical journals and articles. I would do a Man v. Food chili dog challenge if she has read even 5% of the articles she quotes. If she wants me to take her seriously, then she needs to go to school, pay her dues, and put "M.D." after her name. Until then, she can go sit with Sean Penn and Woody Harrelson in a corner booth at an exclusive Hollywood dive and bore them to death. I mean, where on earth would we be without these theatrical prophets in the wilderness?!?

DOGS THAT POOP ON CARPET

Does this really need explanation? I am at the end of my rope dealing with my dog and her psychotic bowels. Just because you smell a place where you had a LEGITIMATE accident four months ago does not give you free reign to drop it like it's hot on the stairs. Ever.

POLITICAL WARFARE IN THE MEDIA

OK, guys, are we seriously turning the tragedy in Arizona into a Sarah Palin story? I think most of us could've told you over 225 years ago that there were going to be radicals reacting to the passionate, extreme rhetoric we hear in the political arenas. People died at the hands of a young man who smiled like a demon in his mug shot. I'd really rather focus on the stories of the lives impacted than a) give this guy any more media attention or b) turn this into partisan politics and finger pointing.

On one hand, looking at the current state of politics in our nation, a part of me really loves the fact that people are getting hot and bothered and pushing back. It reminds me of famous quotes from history, such as, "Give me liberty or give me death!" which are an indelible part of our national fabric. It was these crazy, radical individuals that dumped the tea into Boston Harbor, wrapped their feet in wrags and fought the British in the snow, and penned the words to our national anthem. There is, however, too much of a good thing. Where is the line that is crossed between being patriotic and being a menace to society? That may seem like hyperbole, but in the retrospective light of history, it might not be. I loved hearing people get up at town hall meetings over the last year or two and talk over senators to be sure they got the point about the Obamacare situation. I love the fact that the voters have really turned things upside down in the last two elections. It gives me hope that this nation still has a pulse and really cares enough about its future to exercise its power at the polls. At the same time, too much of a good thing can be its own undoing. Why is it so offensive to talk politics amongst intelligent adult company? Because you might offend someone. Oh dear. If we could restore civility in our society at large, we would be able to have these coherent, respectful debates and still get somewhere without the gun imagery, crosshairs, name calling, eye rolling, and crazy madmen coming out of the woodwork. But in an age where road rage is more common that good manners, I guess we're going to have to either come to terms with the state of things or get off our butts and take our society back before the nutjobs run it into the ground. I won't even get started on the power of prayer here. This is enough of a righteous rant to begin with...

BATTLE HYMN OF THE TIGER MOTHER

This is actually a rave. I was so proud of this woman I could have kissed her square on the mouth. I will admit I've taken to watching "The Today Show" in the morning, partly because it's NYC hype and I live in this general part of the country now, and also because it comes on after my local news and weather go off in the morning during the pre-school routine. At any rate, I am fully aware of the left-wing tendencies of this show and tend to take it with a grain of salt; in fact, I do enjoy it most days. That being said, Meredith Viera interviewed a woman today who is Chinese and a mother of two daughters. This woman has written a book with the title shown above. In a nutshell, she talks about how her strict parenting can raise "perfect" kids. Now, we all know that kids stand as much chance at being perfect as we do at being called up personally by Hugh Hefner after giving birth to a couple of eight- or nine pounders and asked to be a centerfold. But I digress. What I loved was this: Meredith Viera was clearly trying to get this mother to admit that her parenting style was extreme and ineffective. This lady clearly articulated her beliefs and did not cave in to Viera's leading line of questioning, but rather stood her ground and further expanded on exactly what type of parenting practices she's talking about. She admitted to some failures with one of her daughters and talked about how much even her parenting has changed. Score One for mom right there. Here is the best part: the mother mentioned that she thought it was odd that everyone is calling this "Chinese parenting," when in her opinion, this used to be traditional Western parenting. BINGO! Game, set, match for Tiger Mom! She talked about how disrespectful children are allowed to behave, how little supervision they have, the unfettered liberties they are given, and the lack of clear boundaries that are supporting our kids making terrible choices in their lives -- drugs, alcohol, teenage pregnancy to name only a few. And the Today show definitely painted her to be the bad guy in how they worded things: no playdates, mandatory piano and violin lessons, no complaining, all A's on report cards and nothing less, etc. When she spoke, she talked about taking family bike rides and spending time together as a family; she was standing there next to her daughter supervising her piano practice. Just for a minute, let's have a show of hands: how many parents reading this right now usually drop off their child at a sports or music practice and either stay in the car or drive away to run errands, take another child to another activity, etc.? What I saw was a mother taking her family back from the influence of pop culture and pop culture parenting. Good.For.Her!

DEBATES ON FACEBOOK

Clearly, as evidenced on this blog today and many other times, I enjoy a lively reparte. Sometimes I may stir things up just to make conversation interesting, but more times than not I am speaking about something that has caused me personal conviction, I have a unique personal experience, or so on. The debates I have seen over relatively trivial issues on Facebook blows my mind! Case in point: Sing4Joy posted something the other day about getting rid of a Tempurpedic bed. Someone immediately suggested the evil Sleep Number mattress. The debate that ensued was nothing short of passionate. I clearly saw more than one person seeming to be huffy that others were posting negative reviews of this product and preferred something else over it. Really? Seriously?!? Of course I added my two cents' worth to the mix. My experience was that I had slept on the dreaded Sleep Number mattress the night before a ten mile race and woke up feeling as if I had been beaten up and down my spine with baseball bats all night. I was stiff and almost sore, kind of like I thought I would feel after running ten miles but not prior to said event. One of the pro-Sleep Number postees inquired ever so gently, "Are you sure it wasn't nerves? Most people have problems with nerves before big races." (or something to that effect). Really?!? I had no idea. Thank you for identifying that problem for me. I have never entered an athletic event before, nor have I ever experienced pre-event jitters. Wow. Thanks. Definitely could not have been the $5,000 AIR MATTRESS I was sleeping on. Definitely not.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

I'm going to end this blog with a rave and stick up for another underdog. I was listening to one of my favorite local radio stations on this new iPhone app I picked up for $0.99 (best ninety-nine cents I've ever spent!) and there was a commercial for their lunchtime flashback hour. They play '80s hits over the lunch hour and the commercial had this lady talking about all the glory of the '80s, like when "Saturday Night Live" was still funny. You know, I've had about enough of hearing this, and I'm fairly certain many of the actors over the last twenty years have had it, too. We have seen some real comedic talent come out of the Not Ready For Prime Time Players, or the comedic cast of SNL. Show of hands: how many of you agree with the lady in the commercial? OK, put your hands down if you think Will Farrell, Adam Sandler, Tracy Morgan and Jimmy Fallon are at all entertaining. What about Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon, or Ana Gasteyer? These men and women are actually quite good at what they do, and if you watch more often than every five years, it's easy to see what each person's strength is. Many of these actors have developed characters that are just as popular as Roseanne Rosannadanna or the Coneheads. Do the Spartan cheerleaders or Mary Katherine Gallagher come to mind? Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig are some of the funniest ladies I've seen lately as well. True, the writing for the show has had its ups and downs over the years, but overall the actors are pretty darned good. If you have ever liked SNL in the past and have stopped watching it because it's not as funny as it used to be when you were about 13, do yourself a favor and watch it again for the next several weeks. You might be surprised that you see some really good stuff going on there. Personally I find this a lot more entertaining that many of the other options on TV these days, but then again I'm hard to please. No way!!!

Now that the airing of grievances is over, on to the Feats of Strength, George!

Looking Behind, Forward, and Within

So I meant to write a sort of "2010 in review" type blog on New Year's Eve, but things were crazy busy as we were preparing to have friends over to help us ring in 2011. I want to put 2010 on the shelf and open up the books on 2011, so let's take a stroll down Amnesia Lane, shall we?

LOOKING BEHIND -- 2010

1. Natural Disasters. 2010 was a hallmark year for Mother Nature, don't you think? The earthquake that hit Haiti almost a year ago is still big news as cholera and hurricanes pummel this forlorn place. There have been equally beautiful and disgusting stories that have emerged from Haiti, and I for one hope that God spares these people for a few generations. Wow.

Not too long after that we had other major earthquakes that threatened places like Hawai'i with tsunamis half a world away, that crazy volcano erupted in Iceland and threw air travel amuck, and then, as if Louisiana hasn't been smacked around enough, the Deepwater Horizon oil well began belching crude into the Gulf of Mexico. I don't think the human mind can actually comprehend numbers over about 100 or 200 sometimes. Just to think about the amount of water in the Gulf of Mexico is completely mind numbing, but to think about the volume of oil lost in the Gulf -- and the potential revenue at the gas pump -- also blows my cogs asunder. And as much as Hollywood loves to put depressing songs to video clips of oil-drenched pelicans and scold us for not being greener, I think the only people with a real grasp of what this oil spill really means for this ecosystem are the scientists. People, the real horror has probably not even yet begun.

2. H1N1. Remember when we were all worried about this? And all of a sudden there was a shortage of vaccines? I think the scariest part was the number of school aged children who actually died as a result of this virus. As a parent, it is so scary when your kids get something like a virus. You have to wait for some of these things to run their course, and I do not care for things I cannot control. Bud actually got H1N1, but we caught it in time and he did not develop some of the scary symptoms that others had. Close enough of a call for me!

3. Major sports events. Uh, were there Olympics last year? I remember, as a kid, this was such a big deal. I really don't remember this even being on last year. Apparently they were in Canada, which could explain it. I don't keep up much with Canada I guess. Add to that list the World Cup, which apparently took place in Africa. All I remember was people complaining about vuvuzelas and an octopus that was consistently picking the winners of matches. Guess I don't keep up with Africa, either.

4. Facebook. HELLO! This is something with which I have some knowledge! Finally! Facebook has been around since 2004, but it really seemed to reach its stride this year. Anyone who's anyone has a Facebook page. Even businesses are utilizing this as a way to promote themselves. I think it is nothing short of a miracle, although I can certainly understand how it can be used for negative purposes. In my life, it has been a significant blessing. People who are near and dear to me would otherwise be lost to the world of military moves and scattered to the four winds, possibly never to be heard from again. To be able to keep in touch with great friends, keep family updated with pictures of the kids, and to reconnect with people I haven't seen or heard from in years has been such a blessing to me. If this site were to ever disappear, I cannot imagine how heartbreaking that would be to be reduced to trying to scramble for all those email addresses or *gasps* snail mail addresses. Oh yeah, and add iPhone 4 and iPad to this list of amazing technology.

5. Lady GaGa, Justin Beiber, Snooki, et. al. Seriously?

6. The Hashtag (#). What the heck is this all about? Everyone does it. Why? I'm thinking I could live without this.

7. Personal life changes. Geez, where do I even start?!? I thought 2005 was a hallmark year of change for my family and me. I'm starting to think that year was easy compared to 2010. Given, I went through a devasating loss in 2005, but when you just look at pure stressors in life, death of a spouse or child is the top human stressor, and marriage is only six steps down. Amazing! 2010 held for me planning a wedding and getting married, buying a house and moving to a part of the country in which I had never been before, buying a new car and making the 2400 mile trek to said house by myself with the kids, getting pregnant and having a miscarriage (and this story has continued to evolve), trying to adjust to being married, getting a dog, and attempting to figure out who I am at this stage in life. All I know is that, even as much as the good Lord has thrown at me and as much as I prayed that would, in fact, be thrown at me, somehow I've survived with a generally positive outlook. I am completely convinced that I have been borne on wings of prayer by my friends and family, who have never wavered in their love and support for my family and me and without whom my life would be incomplete.

ENOUGH OF 2010! Let's peek ahead at 2011 and what's going on in my world:

1. TDY and deployment. It's a necessary evil in the lives of military personnel and their families. I know we will see our fair share, and all I can say is the sooner we get it started the sooner it is over. It seems like there's a constant revolving door of friends whose spouses are getting ready to go, those who are in the middle of deployment, and those who are cleaning their houses and shaving their legs on their way out the door to welcome someone home. At least this is one aspect of life that never seems to change.

2. Backpacking Through Joshua. I have signed up for an online study written by none other than HisGirl. I pray that I will have the discipline to see this study through. It is a long study but seems to be broken up into quite manageable segments. I'll say this -- there is no foreseeable good reason why I should not be able to make this a priority and learn and grow immensely from it. But isn't this a little like purchasing a gym membership before the new year? They say that it takes a month to form a habit, and I can tell you from experience it can take about 48 hours to destroy a good habit. The only person here who can keep me motivated to uphold my commitment is the Almighty. I know and trust that there are some serious blessings waiting to be had if only I will trust and obey.

3. Simplify. I have this intuition that this is going to be a do-or-die situation for me. I am tired of living life feeling like I'm running late, doing things just barely in time, only "making ends meet". The house we live in is large (for me), but not so large that I feel like it's worth the money to have someone come in to clean on a regular basis. I know I wrote as recently as last November about wanting to be like Abigail or the Proverbs 31 woman, and I know that's a tall order for any woman. All I want is for my countertops to be uncluttered, the bills to be paid and the laundry done, the bathrooms to be clean, the floors to be clean, and meals to be homecooked, nutritious, and easy to make and clean up. I want our closets to be full but not bursting, our pantry to be well-stocked but not have so much junk that it's falling off the shelves, and there to be systems of organization that are easy for every member of the family to be responsible to keep up with and not just me coming behind them all after they depart for the day's battles. What good is organization if it's not easy enough to do on a daily basis? As we hope to grow our family from a family of four to five or maybe even six, we've got to do more with less. Less stuff, less time, less money. Maybe I should add the word "efficiency" to "simplify".

4. Time to look inward. This is really an extension of numbers two and three. I want to be involved less out of the home and more in the home. I will be involved in the online Bible study, as well as my usual PWOC study commitment. I love to read but never have time to finish anything. I've decided that changes.effective.immediately. There is a book club I plan on joining this month, and I'm reading, "The Disappearing Spoon And Other True Tales of Madness, Love, and the History of the World From the Periodic Table of the Elements," by Sam Kean. Looks crazy cool. I will still be involved in PWOC and volunteer at the kids' school, but other than that I want to have a cozy place to sit down with a book, a guitar, or a computer keyboard. Or better yet get out when the weather begins to change and get my garden up and running. Either way, I desperately need the pace to be slower this year.

5. Something big is brewing... I think I'm going to leave this as a teaser, but I can guarantee you that, when it makes its appearance, it will be BIG. At least, the first two were... Hmmmm...

I leave you now with the verse for 1 JAN on my eternal calendar, a great reminder to start each and every year with. Many blessings to you and yours for 2011!

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " -- Jeremiah 29:11

Ho! Ho! NO!!!: Why I Won't Skip Past Thanksgiving and Start The Christmas Season Early

I don't know what got into me, but for some reason I felt led to post this status recently on my FaceBook account: "I boycott [the] Christmas-before-Thanksgiving movement." The first response posted to that was, "Where is the dislike button?" I knew there would be more of those type responses than not. I wasn't trying to provoke people or judge those who put up trees a month or two early or listen to Christmas music the day after Halloween. I can even hear the argument coming that we should be focusing on Christ's birth, so what, then, is the harm in extending the Christmas season a little longer than just the month of December?

Many of you who know me personally or through this blog know that I lost my first husband just days after Thanksgiving. This year will mark five years that he has been gone. We were married for five years and four months. I've been without him almost as long as I was married to him, which seems so odd to me, but that is a whole other blog. It has taken a while for the joy of Thanksgiving to seep back into my heart, but I think it's definitely getting there. Last year my new husband proposed the night before Thanksgiving. He said that he knew that this time of year was not easy for me, but also felt that this was the right time to propose and begin happy memories together. As hard as this time of year always feels, he was exactly right -- we have started to reclaim this time of year as a time of love, happiness, and togetherness as it always had been in my life.

Why, if this holiday and this time of year has so much anguish and bittersweet associated with it, do I want to anticipate it so singularly? Why would I put myself through the torture of facing this hailstorm of emotions, simultaneously sweet and sorrowful, each and every year? Why not focus on the coming King, the Christ child? Why not put others' needs and delights in my crosshairs to keep me in the Christmas spirit?

I believe that to grieve the dead is a holy honor, a duty, a labor of our love. And I cannot only think of T. here. I think of the roll call of people I love -- not loved -- who no longer share this meal with me each year. I think of T.'s easy laughter when I would be flustered about some kind of drama with the family or preparations of the day. I think of seeing the ivory-colored Ford truck pulling up to our house hours before the meal was to be served, before my mom had brushed her teeth or bathed for the day, and my grandparents getting out and coming in to a house that smelled of roasted turkey. I remember the straw hat and blue coveralls my grandfather would wear, how loud the television would be so he could hear it. I can remember my grandmother walking in with more than one dish of her dressing, the crowning glory of our feast. Remembering this day, these people takes me back to a time when life was simpler, straightforward, and I felt safe and loved. Why, for the love of all things sacred, would I be in a hurry to gloss past this? When I think about the blessing that these people were to me then and how they continue to be now, I cannot imagine giving this holiday second billing.

Thanksgiving is also a time for humility. Am I the only person these days who can still comprehend the first five or six letters in the name of this holiday?!? How could I not want to stop to take the time and bless my family with a meal prepared in love, thanks, and humility when they are such precious gifts to me from God? How could I possibly want to fast-forward past one more opportunity to tell my God thank you for not forgetting me, for lifting my head when I was too weak to lift it off my heavy chest, for blessing me with love and life, for ministering to me through children, parents, and friends?

If I could rewrite the calendars, I would more than likely emphasize things like Advent and Lent -- seasons of reflection and preparation -- over their culminating holidays. Christmas and Easter should be something we celebrate and partake of every single day of our lives as Christians. I can buy someone a gift any time; I don't need Toys R Us or Barnes and Nobles to remind me to remember others. I won't get into a sermon about how materialistic our society is. I think we all have a good grip on the world in which we live, and how we, too, regardless of how much we like to rail against it, are just as guilty of falling into this trap to various degrees, myself included. I just wish that we would be in less of a hurry to "get past" Thanksgiving some days. Thanksgiving isn't just a holiday or a meal. It is an orientation of the heart.

Rage Against The Dying Of The Light

I'll be honest. I have never been a huge Farrah Fawcett fan. In fact, when I heard that she had a documentary showing her journey through cancer, I must admit it ticked me off a little. I mean, why should we care about this? Millions of average joes are diagnosed with and fight cancer on a daily basis. This whole "let me use my celebrity to put a 'face' on cancer" business just irritated me like a pebble in a shoe. The 'face' I put on cancer is that of my friend, Jenster. My grandfather. Li'l G's German oma back in Georgia. A hardcore Army wife. These are the real faces of real people that have been faced with cancer and kicked it square in the face and said, "Not today; not on my watch." Thanks anyhow, Farrah -- already have a meaningful association here without Hollywood attempting to create meaning here.

And then I watched her film, "Farrah's Story."

And then I felt like a jackass.

What I saw was not some blonde chickie who was famous in Hollywood. What I saw was a child of God, looking with eyes of bewilderment at life, at creation, and how death is not near as far away as many of us might think. I saw in her eyes fear, hope, caution, exhaustion, delight in simplicity, wonder. What I saw was a fellow human, trying to navigate her way in this sea of the uncertain human experience.

I was so touched. True, I really don't need to watch a movie to have an epiphany on the effects of a disease on a person, but in an age where we all drool like Pavlovian subjects at the mention of "reality television" or infidelity between Jon and Kate, this was reality. I believe the Discovery channel calls it "actuality." We do not need films like "Farrah's Story" to make cancer, alzheimers, or children with autism finally seem real to us; we need them to retain a sense of connection during very human experiences -- life, death, birth, love, grief, affliction -- all these things which God calls us to yoke alongside one another and experience in community.

I do not know if NBC will replay "Farrah's Story;" however, if it is rerun, do yourself a favor. Turn off the "Jon & Kate" episodes you DVRed and watch. It is a shining example of how one woman refuses to give up on herself, and those around her cannot help but love and support her and her tenacity. May we all go down fighting.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

--Dylan Thomas

Racism and Sexism: Alive and Well in Central Texas?

I endured my yearly trip to my doctor this morning, and while waiting cold and naked, I vowed today to post a rant-n-rave about the pitiful state our health care system is in when hospital administrations dictate what patient care should look like. But when I opened my local newspaper today to the editorial section, I realized my words would be better spent on the letter to the editor.

The writer's name is Evelyn Poole. I want everyone on the blogosphere to know her name and have access to her First Amendment-protected speech. I know she would not be ashamed; after all, she wrote to the newspaper in hopes of being published and making her point. I searched for a link to her letter online but couldn't find one, so I'll present it to you here:

"The greatest disappointment of this election is reaction of the white women voters. Since they couldn't have Sen. Clinton for a presidential candidate or running mate, they threaten to vote for McCain and Sarah Palin.

No wonder it too so long for women to get the vote with this type of thinking. I can imagine all those women who fought so diligently to obtain this privilege turning over in their graves because of the brainless way their rights are being exploited.

But here we are, allowing Sen. McCain to make a cynical and demeaning appeal to women voters by tapping Gov. Palin as a running mate. Gov. Palin agrees with the Bush administration more than McCain and things we should show Georgia our allegiance by taking on Russia.

Only an idiot would even think of this while our country is already embroiled in two wars, one unneccessary, with thousands of lives already lost. She knows absolutely nothing about the economy, jobs, security, and our world's trashed reputation on foreign policy.

You selfish, unthinking, immature white women who threaten to jump on McCain and the soccer mom's bandwagon, go right on ahead and follow another loser because she has the right reproductive organs. See where it'll lead you, your children and grandchildren. Explain how you, with your anger and bigotry, let a man who left his crippled wife, destroy their futures because you couldn't have it your way. Russia would just love to rule America!

There are too many unethical scandals involving these politicians for conscientious Americans to ignore. Oh, I forget, if you're white, you're right, right?"

As soon as you have all picked your throbbing jaws up off the floors, you can join this rant-n-rave in progress...

OK. How shall I attack this? It's like ordering the 64 oz. steak at a local greasy spoon restaurant -- you're not quite sure upon which end you need to start, and you're already sick to your stomach at the thought of having to digest it. I guess I'll take it paragraph by paragraph.

Point #1: White women are hell-bent on voting a vagina-owner into office, regardless of what said vagina-owner endorses or believes.

Counterpoint: I'm automatically inclined to believe this writer is not white, which immediately plunges one into the cesspool of racism. She lost all credibility in my eyes with the word "white". Secondly, she insists that women vote based on gender at all costs. While I agree that there are a good many women out there who are so obtuse as to cast a vote just because it would be "cool" to finally have a woman in the White House, there are a vast majority of us who have evolved past this political knuckle-dragging to being able to walk upright on two feet to the polls. In my personal opinion, Hillary Clinton was too controversial a candidate and had probably pissed off someone with enought money and connections to have her behind handed to her. I didn't plan on voting for her to begin with, so it makes me no difference one way or the other. Also, I have to wonder about Ms. Poole. Is she one of these women who will only vote for a man because she believes that women cannot function in these roles? Is she subliminally aiming to convince women to revert back to vaccuming in our petticoats and high heels and only vote for men because it's the "right" thing to do?

Point #2: McCain only chose Palin as a running mate for demographic reasons.

Counterpoint: Um, yeah, that seems fairly obvious. In the days where you don't make choices on who is truly right for the job but rather who can bring home the electoral bacon, it would seem as though candidates today are chosen by how many demographical boxes they cover. And hey -- if you can check off any minority box, you get bonus points! I would offer to her that perhaps the only reason Barack Obama has been chosen by his own party is because he is black, since we're using Crayola terms here, not because he has a brain one or can spell the words, "Community Organizer." Seriously, folks, I cannot think of more than two men who have served as president in my lifetime that were truly viable candidates for the job, and even then, they had their problems. When are we, as a nation, going to rise up and say, "Quit giving us the spineless idiots being used as pansies for their political parties and give us a REAL leader"?!?!? Until then, we get the candidates we deserve.

Point #3: Palin has Jello for brains and couldn't possibly know anything about the list of sundry political topics, of which Ms. Poole seems to possess some untold wealth of knowledge.

Counterpoint: For crying out loud, the only person who could ever campaign with a check in the box of experience would be a current president, and even then it might be a stretch. I certainly don't expect a United States Senator to have a true grasp on the true conditions of the FOBs in Iraq or Afghanistan, nor do I expect that Ms. Poole has pulled her head far enough out of her posterior nether-regions to have much of a grasp, either. Our senators fly over to combat zones, using taxpayer dollars, for a few hours' appearance. Our soldiers are pulled away from important missions to provide security for them so they can "see what's going on on the ground." If you really wanted to know, maybe you should ruck up and deploy for a year and a half. Let your family live in government housing, enroll in TRICARE, and eat the nasty KBR food while living on a few hours of sleep every two to three days. But I digress.

And after having travelled the world and known people from far-flung places, I cannot say that I blame our world reputation on Bill Clinton or George W. Bush. I believe that all Americans should be held responsible for our reputation in the world. I was completely ashamed of this one American woman in Rome last year, creating such a scene. No wonder we are disliked! We're loud, rude, and swagger around with a sense of entitlement. On the other hand, if taking a stand for personal beliefs and not having more affairs than fingers and toes is something that earns me a less-than-stellar reputation, then go for it. I'll sit at the UN cafeteria table all by myself while all the popular nations sniggle and sneer in my general direction. I'll wear those stripes with pride.

Lastly, the topic of war. Who really wants it? It wrenching, ugly, gruesome work. No one truly wants it, yet it seems to be part of the human experience. My Iraqi cabbie in Salt Lake City was engaging me in conversation about George W. Bush, and I said, "You know what, I think we should just let our politicians have all the disagreement they want, but the rest of us don't have to be that way. There's too much we can all learn from each other." I thought the man was going to kiss me. He was a refugee, living in America for ten years. He loves the U.S. and supports everything we're doing, and I know he's not alone.

No one wants to die in battle (unless you're one of my ex-boyfriends who needs a serious dosage of Zoloft). There are hard things that must be done in life. If you are a soldier, being deployed and preparing to give your life as a sacrifice for those back home is something you chose to do, even those who belittle your efforts and spit in your face. Sometimes the wars are just; other times they are twisted and we are told half-truths. Either way, once the troops are there, there is a right way and a wrong way of conducting business. If we could leave leading our military to the people who know what they're talking about instead of out-of-touch politicians or people who emotionalize separations that military families endure, we could press on as a nation. Unfortunately, the smoldering sites of terroristic invasions in our homeland have since stopped smoking, and we're back to being the same self-centered culture we were on 9/10.

Point #4: White women are angry bigots who endorse only other white soccer moms and their vaginas, in addition to philandering men.

Counterpoint: Shall we make a list, dear readership, of just how many men, both black and white, have hooched around on their wives and won various elected offices by a landslide? Shall we invoke the name of our dear beloved JFK, flaming democrat and adulterer? Or maybe Bill Clinton would be better. Do you think he put a notch in Hillary's bedpost for every woman he shagged outside of the bounds of his marriage? And is it just me, or don't most minority females vote Democrat? Why are all soccer moms assumed to be white? Aren't families of minority backgrounds emerging into middle class, "soccer mom" culture as well? Or do all us nasty white girls sit there and polish our big pearl necklaces whilst watching "Sex And The City" DVDs in our minivans while "Hayden" and "Destynie" go to soccer practice on the field located in our gated suburban communities? Wouldn't it be something to find out poor Evelyn got tossed by her ex-husband for one of these floozies! Maybe that would explain the unfettered rage she explodes into here at the close of her literary diarrhea.

In conclusion, I don't begrudge dear Evelyn the right she has to get things off her chest. I'm just amazed that attitudes like this have survived in our modern day culture. If you put it out there, we all get to have at it, too. So take a shot at either Evelyn or me if you like. Take a stand and use the First Amendment to YOUR advantage, too!

Palin and Pasties (Or The Lack Thereof)

OK. For those of you who thrill at GGG's rants-n-raves, make yourself a ginormous bowl of popcorn and get a vat of Coke, because I'm ready for a good one today!

First off, let me set the scene. Picture it: Central Texas, 2008. A trim, healthy, active, not-too-bad-looking mom is walking through a local grocery store, selecting fresh fruits and vegetables to take home and lovingly prepare for her two young children. She takes pride in having "gotten her body back," even if she had to do so by force, and is trying to model healthy lifestyles for said children, despite how much people at the bank love to hand out lollypops and grandparents smuggle in root beer and gummi snacks. (Side bar: did I mention that I think Bud has a cavity the size of Tropical Storm Ike in his sweet little molar?!? More on that in two weeks when we see the dentist. Back to your regularly scheduled kvetching session...)

So yes, there we were in the local grocery store. We were really savoring some mommy-and-me time, seeing as Li'l G is already in school and he will begin his foray into official preschool tomorrow. *sniff, sniff* Just as we were unloading the cart, I cast my eyes up to the trashy tabloids and other various rags they sell at the checkout. The next thing I see is a painted nipple, and I wanted to be ill.

You know, I remember the first time I saw a bathing suit that had been, literally, painted on. It was a good 7-10 years ago in an allegded swimsuit magazine that comes out once a year because, you know, lots of women read this particular periodical. On top of that, I'm sure this magazine is marketed to equally as many women as men, and I don't know about you other people lacking penises, but I love gawking at other women whose hobbies are hang gliding and watching Kung-Fu while eating Hooters hotwings.

I couldn't believe that the people who published this magazine had gotten away with putting a little Crayola Tempera paint on this woman's hoo-ha (the scientific name, FYI) and publishing this without plastic wrapping around it! It was one of those moments where you say, "Am I the only one who just saw that?!?" Apparently I wasn't, but apparently I'm the only one who was shocked by it.

There is a fully naked woman on the front of this magazine. Every single woman in it, to include Paris Hilton, are completely nude. There are no pasties on their tender mercies, although I'm sure there's some kind of "artistic saran wrap" on their nether-regions. I reeeeeaaallly don't want to know how they pulled this off. I'm not going to post a link to anywhere on the Internet where you can find it, as I'm sure it's pretty easy to do. Heck, you can be at the Quickie Mart and send your five year old in with $5 to get you a copy of your very own. And THAT, dear readers, is why I'm ranting and raving today.

Go ahead -- I triple dog dare someone to comment using the words "First Amendment Rights" on this blog. What's at stake here is not the First Stinkin' Amendment. I think we've all been drug down the road of speech really meaning expression in general this sad day and age. Actually, I wonder if the founding fathers are rolling in their graves to look at the issues of our day in comparison to the ones of theirs: surviving epidemics, religious persecution, and being under the tyrannical rule of a separate nation. At any rate, we live in a society that we have created. I know that I cannot keep pornographers from being profitable at their chosen profession. But I do know that we have laws that limit its accessibility. If this particular magazine wants to publish this type of magazine, there's nothing legally that can be done about it. I just wish that it would be wrapped up and an ID card presented before purchase. Yes, kids under 18 will still likely get their hands on it, just like booze and cigarettes. We can't keep them from doing it, but if there are deterrents along the way, it might make the hassle not worth it or, heaven forbid, it might cause them to think about what they're doing. The fact that this magazine is sitting at eye level with my three and a half year old, next to other non-pornographic magazines, is unacceptable to me. Plain and simple.

And while we're at it, let's talk about the freedom of speech/expression. We are all free to spew forth whatever comes to our minds without fear of imprisonment or persecution, and that's an amazing gift not to be taken for granted. Our soldiers stand in harm's way 24/7 to ensure that this freedom remains ours to use or not use as we choose. What baffles me is how we deal with the repercussions of said free speech/expression. Maybe this is why our court systems are clogged hopelessly with litigation-happy people who can't resolve their issues without having the law step in like a frazzled, worn out parent, and peel the two fighting siblings off each other. Here's what I think: You have a right to say/express whatever you want. I maintain that I have a right to not have to hear it, experience it, or acknowledge it. There's a reason why strip clubs don't have windows! I just wish there was some legal stance those of us could take that don't want anything to do with a certain activity. Almost like an intellectual restraining order or something. I'm not trying to prohibit this woman's right to be an exhibitionist. I'm just want to be left alone and not be affronted with her colorful, naked mammaries when I'm at the supermarket. If I wanted that, I could gaze at my own any time I wanted. Oh, but if I take out my breasts as I'm writing a check, that's considered public indecency. I could go to jail for that. But if I paint them with the kids' fingerpaints before I leave the house, does that make it legal??? Just some food for thought...

As another side note regarding our civil liberties, something else that really peels my potatoes is when people cry out "freedom of religion" or "separation of church and state." (which, dear readers, IS A PHRASE NOT FOUND IN OUR CONSTITUTION, NOR IS IT FOUND IN OUR BILL OF RIGHTS. Feel free to peruse here.) I cannot think of a single time when this was used on someone of any other religion than Christian. Christians receive verbal lynchings in ways that would make every member of the ACLU suicidal if it were being said of a Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, Taoist, agnostic, or atheist. But the minute Christians form the words, "God," or, "Jesus," on their lips, we get whacked across the nose by Lady Liberty with her spare copy of the Constitution rolled up like Sunday's newspaper. If, indeed, we as Americans feel the need to enforce the laws this way, I'd like to see a little consistency. That's really all I'm asking for.

And speaking of consistency, that leads me to my last rant-n-rave topic of the day. Ever since Sen. McCain announced that Sarah Palin would be his running mate during this election, people have been in a political whirlwind about his choice. Let me say upfront: I don't care what body parts you were born with. If you're going to be a president or vice president of my country, gender and/or race is not something I care at all about. What I care about is this: are you the right human being for the job??? Most of us agree that we don't know much about her. As I learn more about her, I think she's pretty interesting. But I will say this: she has a 17 year old daughter who is pregnant. Again, I'm not going to link to this news, as it is prolific on almost any website you come across. But here's an opportunity to display some character.

Palin professes to be a pro-life candidate. I'm not going to blog about abortion, pro-choice, pro-life, or anything like that. I don't think it's an edifying conversation about which to blog. What impressed me about this situation is this: here is a young woman, going through a life-altering event. Not only is the transition from woman to mother a huge deal, doing it as a 17 year old really ups the ante. Many kids might want to have an abortion; similarly, their parents might be encouraging them to have an abortion for various reasons. To my knowledge, this girl is five months along and sounds like she will not be aborting her baby. Some people are incredibly critical of Gov. Palin about this familial indiscretion; I say BRAVO TO HER FOR BEING CONSISTENT. If she's pro-life, yet encourages her daughter to have an abortion because she's too young to be a mother and would be throwing her life away, that makes her a hypocrite in my eyes, which in turn means I wouldn't be casting a vote for her. This seems to be a case where the family is rallying around one another, the candidate is practicing what is being preached, and the message is consistent. Again, consistency is all I'm asking for.

So who am I voting for? I'm not letting on just yet, but I'm pretty sure I know who I'm not voting for, so the decision seems to be made for me. I still think that we're lacking a truly viable candidate for president, but that's a different blog for a different day. Hope you all will actually read me again after today!! And feel free to sound off if you want -- comments from both sides are welcomed here, even if you want to accuse me of being a bloviating poppinjay. (Big smooches if anyone knows where that came from...)

Featured Blogger: Father Hollywood

I had to cackle out loud when I saw the pic on his blog today. I tell ya, I was certainly no angel in college, but there was still plenty of activity going on that made even me blush. Even though I didn't live in the same town as my parents and I was old enough to vote, I still knew they'd kick my butt if I was doing things I knew better than to do, i.e., drive drunk, make an ass of myself, or kiss another girl for Girls Gone Wild. Apparently I must be one of a dying breed...

**Just a little background on this guy: he's an LCMS Lutheran pastor in NOLA. He's called Father Hollywood because he used to work at Hollywood Video (coincidentally that was my first job, too, but before it was called by that name; it used to be Video Central, but I digress...). At any rate, he always posts his sermons online and is bold enough to put his opinions out there. Seems to be an interesting read so far!

"Fingerpost"

This is one of my faaaaavorite blogs to drop in on. I happened upon this guy quite accidentally and love his quirky take on things. Proof positive you can be Christian AND think out of the box. He always matches up really interesting quotations with great pictures. It's something you can check out every couple of days or so and won't take much time. Totally worth putting on your Bloglines!

Welcome to Damien's Fingerpost...

"Supporting" Our Troops?

Let me warn you now: this blog has been tagged with 'rant-n-rave,' so if you're not in the mood to hear a strongly worded opinion and a foul word or two, you might want to save this one until after you've had your morning Postum. I know, you are all incredibly shocked that I would wish to opine with pithy comments here, since it is rare that I feel strongly about anything, much less come out and say anything about it...

Let me set the stage for you: We've got hundreds of thousands of military troops, of both genders, who live for years at a time away from home. Some of these men and women are married, some are not. We as military spouses are instructed not to send pornographic material to our deployed personnel, even of ourselves to our own spouses. The majority of us observe this rule, even though the inhabitants of the countries we occupy and aid do not observe this rule themselves, but I digress. One brilliant thinker has decided to support every troop serving our nation by putting on lingerie and military garb or TA-50 and making a pin-up calendar to "boost morale." Thank God she was so considerate to remember all our female military personnel, who are dying to see her almost naked body and think happy thoughts all day long as a result of her patriotic endeavor! Awesome!! Click on the title of the blog to read the slanted and biased article posted on Military.com -- what a positive and inspirational story. Maybe it should make it onto KLOVE!

I've obviously got a few thoughts on this and other such related topics:

1. Quasi- and semi-nudity is against regulation to be sent to places "down range," if I'm not mistaken. (S4J, you probably still have that scanned page from when your husband deployed which stated this federal regulation.) I'm sure we want to boost morale of those serving away from home, so you've kind of shot yourself in your pretty airbrushed foot there, sweetheart. And Lord knows that there is a plethora of local establishments that specialize in boosting troop morale for a fee, so I highly doubt people are going to be interested in your form of patriotic expression when Bambi could "love you long time" for a small fee.
2. Why is it that seeing her nipples through mesh and lace boost troop morale? Personally speaking, I don't want to think about sex and things that make me remember the fact that I'm not getting any right now or any time soon. Tends to make my "situation" a little more unbearable, thanks. I don't understand why emphasizing this effect is desirable, but I guess I'm in the minority on this one, huh?
3. I know, as a woman, I don't want to see your hiney in my face, wearing any part of a uniform that you don't have the chutzpah to don yourself and go down range. The uniform of a soldier, airman, marine, etc., is sacred in my opinion and should not be used as a prop in a semi- or completely pornographic photo shoot. That should piss off anyone who gets paid to serve our country, especially female soldiers. Female soldiers (and given, there are lots of them who don't come CLOSE to being in this category) work hard to serve alongside men who many times don't see them as equal counterparts and would rather "hook up" with them than be caught in a foxhole with them. Women who choose to serve and can do it without being a Grade A hoochie are my heroes, and by posing in any part of a uniform, you've just taken all those generations of service and hard work, rolled them into a thong, and put them in your cute little behind. Thanks for that.
4. This Army spouse is sitting back on her heels, using the, "They're just jealous that they're overweight and don't have jobs," statement to make herself feel better about the controversy she's caused. No doubt most of the men think this is stupid and will probably never even see this dumb calendar. But their wives are standing up for what they think is right or wrong. It's pretty lame and unintelligent that she's using this excuse. She obviously doesn't know what it's like to try and keep a marriage together over the thousands of miles and years of deployment, take care of a family, put aside dreams and aspirations of her own so that she can put the needs of others before her own. I hope she enjoys her pre-baby, pre-stretch mark body while she can. I can't wait to hear what her self-centered perspective is a few years from now when she has unwittingly become one of those on the receiving end of her own criticism. (And apparently, the drama caused by all this is affecting her marriage. How sad.)
5. I agree, it's dumb that people are trying to have her kicked off post because of this. But I can tell you one thing: all actions have consequences. And if you live on post and you've done something to ostracize yourself, either because you took a stand or you were just plain stupid, it is what it is. That's just the nature of the beast. Don't come to the fight if you can't take some hits.
6. Personally, I have no problem with women doing this for their own husbands/boyfriends/whatever. Some of you will disagree here on the level of legal/religious committment necessary for this to be acceptable, and that's cool. My point is, especially if you're married, this is a one-to-one experience. You are doing this as a way to stay connected within your marriage. It is God's design for our relationships and our bodies to be physically and emotionally connected to one another, and I don't believe that, just because one of you is deployed, that the physical side of your relationship gets to be neglected. I believe, for me, that the line is crossed when this is mass-produced and widely distributed. That's when Hugh Hefner is usually involved, and that is taking your sexual energy and directing it at someone besides your spouse. In my book, that's where I draw the line. I realize that this opinion is WIDELY unpopular. I just know from my own personal experience that, if I put myself in a relationship or marriage situation where I have to compromise here, I am extremely unhappy. So for me, this rule works.

This is your opportunity to sound off -- put yourself out there and tell us what you think. Just keep in mind that we will not all agree, nor will we likely change anyone's mind on these kinds of matters. Just remember not to bloviate and keep it pithy -- what say you???

Quiverfull

So I read where the Duggars are expecting for, I think, the 18th time! If you haven't heard of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, go read about them here. DiscoveryHealth has done a couple of shows or series that brings us into their incredibly full and busy home. Talk about the Proverbs 31 woman! This lady makes me sick, but she's such a graceful, peaceful, patient, happy mom, you just can't not like her! (But can we all take up a collection to work on her hair-do? Seriously, the feathered hair over her ears sends me into spastic fits every time I see it! Flashbacks to my old middle school mullet...)

They are apparently a very religious Quiverfull family. "Quiver-wha?? What are you talking about, GGG???" Thanks for asking! As luck would have it, we've got a resident expert to explain the ideas and beliefs of just such a family in our friend, Raising Arrows. As some of you may remember, she has been graciously documenting her journey through the loss of her sweet baby, Emmy. Sidebar: she has recently learned that they are pregnant again and will once again have arms full of a bundle of joy around Christmastime.

Anyhoo, I don't have any real profound reason for blogging about this other than this:

1) I am fascinated at marriages where husbands and wives are so on the same page of music (really, about any topic, not just kids or religion). That is something I take away from reading about these families.

2) I secretly wonder what condition these women are in after having, literally, dozens of children.

3) I long to have more children myself but wonder about the logistics of that, considering different aspects of my particular situation.

4) As any other parent, I often question my own parenting skills. There are many aspects of it about which I'm confident and resolute; however, the couple of areas that niggle away at me do a real number on my overall confidence. As most of you have probably gathered, I am extremely hard on myself (for no apparent reason) and therefore these weak areas are constant sources of stress for me.

5) I wonder what Jim Bob and Michelle's relationship is really like. It seems very close, especially despite the fact that they have so many kids and their needs competing for their attention. I wonder if either one has struggled with infidelity. It doesn't seem like it would even be possible; however, it seems like that's when it always happens, right??

6) Lastly,... I wanna be a Duggar!! They just all look so darn cute and happy!!