Backpacking Through Joshua -- Week One

So the much-awaited day has finally come! Today kicked off an in-depth online Bible study of the Book of Joshua written by HisGirl, "Backpacking Through Joshua". I quickly wolfed down my lunch, got my Bible, my handy-dandy four colored pen, and curled up on the couch for some time in the Word.

We are taking this chapter by chapter. I decided to use my NRSV (New Revised Standard Version) New Oxford Annotated Bible for this study. I froth with pure delight at the thought of how rich the Old Testament is, and this particular version was a useful resource during my parish lay ministry classes. It's almost as though you have the benefit of picking a seminarian's brain if you desire commentary and the ability to simply read sans the linguistic flourishes (thee, thou, mayest, etc.), and modern "spin" (i.e., The Message). Like taking Biblical text, washing it with soap and warm water, letting it air dry, and you've gotten any residue off that may cloud what you're seeing. What I plan on doing is reading through each week in my NRSV and then looking at it again through another version, probably NKJV (New King James Version) or NLT (New Living Translation). Personally I find it can be such a blessing to look at the same text through the lens of several translations, but for my inital read I'd like to keep it a little more academic. Because that's just how I roll.

So, I read through the introduction and devoured chapter one.

Now what?!?

That was too short! Anticlimactic!

Then again, I have this problem in life as a general rule. Rather than being more deliberate, letting things sink in, or pondering upon things, I seem to constantly in a state of hyper-stimulation, hence the "now what" mentality. What the good LORD has been trying to show me for years now is that I need to put on the brakes and coast a while. I love how HisGirl has been encouraging us to not feel pressured to sit down and do this all in one sitting; rather, we can work through this at a slower pace and truly ruminate over what the Holy Spirit wants us to take away from this time spent in the Word. Another word I find myself using a lot so far this year is savor: there are so many things I want to take the time to savor in my life, lest they slip by, precious days and experiences never to be had again. I want to savor these words and value every one of them, so I will resist the temptation to work ahead or be in a hurry.

ASKING GOD

Each week we will have several questions to ponder. This week's questions:

1) What does this passage tell me about Your character?

2) Is there anything keeping me from being able to do what You're calling me to do? In what area(s) can I improve? Observing the law? Meditating on the Word? Getting moving?

3) Do I truly believe God is faithful? Do I believe He will not fail me or forsake me? Does my behavior reflect this? Why or why not?

My responses:

1) As chapter one opens, God is speaking directly to Joshua. God gives him exact, direct instructions about what he is to do and how he is to do it. God reminds him of the promises made to Moses about providing a home land. This tells me that there will be times when God will speak clearly and directly in our lives. Furthermore, God reassures Joshua at least three times to be strong and courageous. This tell me that God is our number one fan, cheering us on and giving us the pep talk we need sometimes to get up and get going! Lastly, God reminds Joshua that God will be faithful to him. Just like a parent asking their child to jump to them in the pool, God reminding Joshua of God's solidarity and reliability in v. 5b. Some versions say that God will never leave or forsake; some say fail or abandon. Either way, God is clearly here to stay.

2) In which area can improve? Uh, hello -- ALL of them! The one I most readily see and to which I fully admit is meditating on the Word. I have not been involved in a Bible study -- a truly thirst-slaking, enriching delving into Scripture -- since my parish lay ministry studies, and then it was so cerebral and academic that it was almost, well, I won't say faith-shaking, but at times muddling or confusing. It was great stuff academically, but sometimes that is a fine line to walk, and it can have long-term effects on beliefs. I digress. I finally got back into PWOC, but it was more of a study of Christian living. The points were good in the study book, but I found less and less time to devote to proper study and it fell by the wayside. Maybe I'm also falling short on getting moving, as in getting motivated to be disciplined about being consistent and setting aside reading/study time. It's my prayer that the level of accountability with this study will aide me in working in this area.

3) In a word, yes, yes, and mostly yes. Now let's unpack this:

Basically, yes, I do believe that God is faithful. If you've read more than one post on this blog, you understand that I have personal experience with God in this category. When I step back from the timeline that is my life and look for God's fingerprints of faithfulness on it, I can clearly see them everywhere. But up close and on the day-to-day level, it's not always so easily to acknowledge. I feel like major scum admitting this "out loud," but I am trying to be completely transparent here. I struggled for days/weeks/months/maybe even years with this concept after T. died, and even occasionally since then. I need to remind myself to step back and look for those fingerprints of faithfulness more often and appreciate the regularity with which they occur. And be thankful.

Basically, yes, I do believe that God will not leave me or forsake me. For some reason this concept is much easier for me to accept. Even though it was hard to feel thrilled about what was supposed to be God's faithfulness even when life was fairly miserable, I never once doubted God's presence and knowledge of my life, my heart, my situation. Even in the depths of grief and bewilderment I never felt alone. True, there have been times when God felt farther away than others, but that was mostly on my part. I would withdraw and be distant, but God was still -- always -- there, waiting. Being patient. Not demanding of my love, my attention, my time. Just waiting. As my icy heart would thaw, I would finally seek God again, sometimes in relief and joy, sometimes tucking my tail between my legs in remorse. I may have left/forsaken/abandoned, but God never did that to me. Not once. Not even when I deserved it. That is such a sweet, humbling thought to me...

As far as my behavior goes, I said mostly yes but I couldn't say that absolutely for sure. I know how I feel deep down in the core of Me, and I know that core will not change. That makes it easy for me to say, Why certainly my life reflects this! Isn't it obvious?!?, when to the casual observer, or maybe even close friend, my life may seem completely incongruent to what I truly believe. I think for me, the times during which my behavior has appeared to lack in this area, my beliefs never changed, but trying to express those beliefs from a place of grief, confusion, overwhelmedness (is that even a word?), or stress has not been particularly successful for me. I know and believe that Satan preys on us in our weaknesses and at our lowest points, and we become very reactive. When you're in that state of being reactive, that does not really reflect a heart that knows God and trusts God to be faithful. That doesn't reflect a trust that God is the reliable One about whom we read in places like Joshua 1. This is a constant, daily gut check for me. I do believe I've moved to a place in my life (again) where I need to hear these things, and I am receptive of these promises and can truly appreciate the fact that I know from experience that they are true.

PUTTING IT OUT THERE

This last section is the part truly meant for discussion in the groups. Two questions:

1) What made you decide to join this adventure? What do you hope will come from the study?

2) In what ways have you found God to be faithful recently? If you have a hard time answering this, why do you think that is?

My responses:

1) I've sort of answered this already -- see answers to #2 and #3. Really, my life has been lacking this deep, meaty substance in the spiritual category. I don't want to just be labeled, "Christian," "Lutheran," "PWOCer," etc. Labels, like covers of books, can be deceiving and not truly represent what you find on the inside. Just like human relationships, I believe that a relationship with God takes a little work on our part -- we can't cultivate a relationship with someone unless we avail ourselves to them, and so it is with God. I'm at a time in my life where I need to restore this relationship a) because I know I need to and it's a priority to me, plain and simple, and b) because I believe, for me, that it is risky to take a single step in life without having the assurance of a relationship with my God.

2) There are any number of ways I could answer this. The absolute best way I have found recently will probably be one of my next blogs...

And so I wrap up my reflections on Week One. I cannot wait to see what this study has in store for myself and all of the other ladies who have committed to participate. I'm really looking forward to reading all of their reflections and responses to see the Holy Spirit working in their lives and wonder how some of their experience might impact my life at some point. Either way, this promises to be an exciting, insightful journey!

My favorite verse from this week: "...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." -- Joshua 1:5b

Accountability Post #4: Spinning

I've got a flat tire and my stupid chain has some slack in it right now, so it's slipping around like I'm shifting gears when I'm really not. Rather than utilize my new bike rack and get the problem taken care of this week, I'm putting it off until I get back from my travels. I just did well to motivate myself to get to spinning today.

Report #4: 15 SEP 2008. I was actually indoors today at the gym, and I made a point to get a bike with an odometer on it this time. I think I was really having an off-day because I just couldn't motivate myself to really crack the whip. I've noticed my overall discipline for getting to the gym and getting out there to workout. This is what happens when you allow yourself too many days off from the gym -- it's too easy to get out of the habit, especially when you think, 'I still look pretty good, and all my skinny clothes still fit. I'm too busy today...' DON'T FALL FOR IT!!! IT'S A TRAP!!!

At any rate, I did go approximately 15 miles over an hour. When I divided that up, it comes out to a rate of a 4 minute mile, which I know for certain is not very accurate. Or maybe so, I don't know. Just didn't feel that efficient today.

I am headed off to Pilates this morning, but I have to admit, since I have not bothered to continue my weight training that I was so obsessive about this spring and summer, I'm struggling with positions and skills that used to come so easily to me that I was borderline bored with them. Again, I'm using the whole "I'm too busy" mantra to justify why I'm not spending more time working on it. I love Pilates and can attest to how it has basically given me back as much of my pre-baby body as I will ever have back. I highly recommend it if you want to cry every time you think about the belly button you once had before your children kicked it from the inside out. :)

Hope everyone has a happy, healthy Tuesday!!

Accountability Post #3: "Runnin' With It"

**TMI WARNING TODAY!! DON'T READ THIS FIRST PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T LIKE DETAILS!!

I am enjoying being on the bike, but I didn't think today was going to pan out. I have had some weird stomach ache-y thing going on all week and I can't quite nail down the culprit. I've recently started a different hormone pill, as well as a multi-vitamin, and I've noticed I've started early on the post-nasal drip that is a sure sign that fall (or what passes for fall in Texas) is coming. So between these three offenders, one of them has had me doubled over all week. You know those commercials for bladder control drugs where they can't be out in public for long, or if they do, they have to be near a bathroom or know where one is? That's me this week, except it's not my bladder that needs controlling. So as the kids are getting helmets on and practically already down the road, I'm in the bathroom, bargaining with God to make the stomach ache go away.

Please, God, have mercy. I would do anything at this point, ANYTHING, to convince you to heal my poor bowels and make the stomach ache go away. I'll even quit making fun of Democrats (at least until the end of the convention). OK? So if you could just go on ahead and, ahhhh, take away the stomach ache, that'd be greaaaaaat.

At any rate, we got Lil' G to school (that's a WHOLE other blog today, BTW) and here's what we got:

Report #3: 29 AUG 08. Went approx. 5.25 miles this morning, including the trip to school. 4.25 miles count towards training. Completed in approx. 23.5 minutes for an average of 5.53 min/mi. (Note: I think I may have miscalculated the first two days, but that should only affect the averages by half of a minute or less.) I did 2.5 miles on a walking/biking track today and did less in the way of hills. With the stomach and all, I thought it prudent to be near tree cover in case I had to use nature's bathroom. :) (S4J, that was just for you, haha...)

On a happy note, we have met neighbors that are biking to school as well. The mom pulls her little guy, who is Bud's age, on a trail-a-bike, too! Turns out we've been stalking each other. When we saw them pass by the house the other day, we all pushed our faces up against the windows to gawk like we were hunting down the ice cream man or something, completely incredulous that there was another family out there like us! I think they're a military family, which warms my heart. I can't wait to get to know them better.

I'm off to do some Pepto Bismol shooters and get my day off and running, no pun intended. I've two other posts in the works, so be sure and check back soon. And please keep those crazy cajuns in your prayers, and really anyone who lives on the Gulf Coast these days. Even as irriated as I permanently am with all things Louisiana or New Orleans, hurricanes are serious stuff. Let's pray there are no repeats of 2005, in more ways than you all could imagine...

Accountability Post #1 & 2

Le pant, le puff, le pant, le puff...

OK, I totally meant to find a picture of Pepe Le Pew's "Leettle Peegion" who is constantly exhausted from sprinting, but this was as good as I could come up with. Either way, I just came back from my second multi-mile bike ride, and my legs are tight! And not the in the hip-hop sort of way, either. I mean, old lady, your-thirties-are-the-first-step-toward-the-nursing-home sort of way. Why, oh WHY do we take advantage of our nubile, hott selves in our 20s, when all we care about is boys, careers, and eating things that no human should get away with eating without direct consequences to the hips, gut, and heart?!?

At any rate, I've decided to post each time I get out on the road for a "real" bike ride. I am officially training for my first bike race. It's on 4 OCT in Lufkin, Texas. It's called the Pineywoods Purgatory. I chose this race for a couple of reasons. First of all, hello, it's in the Piney Woods region of Texas. It's the closest I can come to being in Washington state as possible. I lived in Lufkin for a brief time as a very little kiddo, so I've always been a little partial. It's also five weeks away, so I'm trying to maximize my training time. I am entering the basic race, the 25 mile course. I really want to do the 52 mile course because I think it would be so beautiful to see the scenery, but that's too ambitious for a first race. My goal is to simply finish the race. Period. I think it's achieveable, too, but then again, I've only gotten on the road two times now.

In addition to training for a race, the kids and I have been biking Lil' G to school, and it's been a great success. We even saw one other mom riding with her kids to school, too. As far as I know, we are the only two families in the school doing it, but that's fine with me. We're saving 20 miles a week on our gas consumption! Hooah!

So, here's Report #1: 25 AUG 08. Rode a total of five miles for the day, two of which were actual "training miles." It took us 12:26, and we were going through a neighborhood route that was pretty hilly. Averaged 6.13 min./mi. I was pulling Bud and the trail-a-bike, which totals around 55 lbs. of extra weight! I was pleased with this as a first ride, but surprised at the difference in perspective about how steep the hills turned out to be. Hills don't feel near as steep in a big SUV. :)

Report #2: 27 AUG 08. Training miles: 3.5 Took exactly 19:00. Averaged 5.43 min./mi. I was so proud of myself -- I made it all the way up the steepest hill up to street level without stopping this time!! I was even pulling Bud on the trail-a-bike for this ride, too!! After drop off/pick up from school, will log a total of 6.5 miles.

I will have the ability to ride longer amounts of time and not have to pull Bud and his bike soon, as he starts school next Wednesday. I have decided not to train on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as that is when I have Pilates, which I luuuuurrrrve!!! I am too crapped out and tired to get a good workout at Pilates if I have done weights or extensive bike riding, and I enjoy it too much to give it up. So, I'm training three mornings a week. I don't have a lot of other time to devote to it when it's not blue-blazes hot outside, or I've got Lil' G on her bike along with me, so I've got to make each effort count.

I want to give a serious shout-out to mah peeps, HisGirl, for taking the biking challenge as well! I don't know that she's training for anything, but she's been making regular efforts to get out and go biking, so kudos to her! I have to say, girl, you're looking happier and healthier these days than I think I've ever seen you!! (And you've always been a lovely lady, chica.) Kick some butt, girl!

So if any of you would like to join me in the challenge just to get out there and get active, that would be great. It could be any activity you want, indoors or outdoors, but you've got to post for accountability!! And if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go pick on HisGirl and beg for a cool button now...