"Retell" Therapy

I've admittedly been out of the loop these days, fighting sinus infection #4 (counting since late October 2007), throwing a bridal shower for my cousin, starting my venture into the swampy pit of serving on church council, baking goodies for snacks at Sam's school this week, *attempting* to sing at church on Wednesday night, etc... Who out there is old enough to say and really mean, "Calgon, take me away?!?"

To pick up where I left off last week, I sent the kids out of town to have some quality time on the farm with my in-laws, who BTW are some of the sweetest people I've ever known and love dearly. There was some drama, as usual, about this bridal shower, however. My mom, my sister, and I were co-hosting this shower to help my cousin fill her needs for the kitchen. This all started from sitting down and going through cookbooks at the beginning of the year with my mom, and we came across a recipe for Lime Sherbert punch. We got to laughing about how bridal showers used to be so predictable. Every shower that was done up properly always had this frothy, limely concoction along with finger sandwiches and bowls filled with mints, nuts, etc. So we settled on a "vintage" theme for this shower. I thought that the coolest thing for a party favor would be to make waist aprons like my grandmother used to wear out of some old-fashioned looking cloth, and since I sew I figured this would be so cool and easy to do. Long story short, I looked on eBay for some vintage kitchen-themed fabric and found authentic vintage kitchen waist aprons! Not only that, there were two dozen on there, and that was approximately how many people we were expecting! Yes, Lord, this was clearly meant to be! Or was it...??


So I found out, after winning the auction for said aprons, that they would not be shipped until 1 FEB. They were coming from New Jersey, and I didn't know if they would get here in time, so I won some more off of eBay. Oh, did I forget to mention these were coming from CANADA?!?!? Yeah, not only that, but it was supposed to take 2-3 WEEKS to clear customs and be delivered. But God is good, and I thought, 'You know, Lord, it would be really cool if You could just magically make these aprons show up on my doorstep in time for the shower! So if You could just get right on that little detail, that would be grrreeaaaaat..." As if!


All of last week flew by, and not a blessed sign of these #$!!$^@&@ aprons. As I was flying through the house taking care of last minute details about an hour before guests were to begin arriving, DON'T YOU KNOW THOSE SUCKERS SHOWED UP!!! AND ON MY DOORSTEP, TOO!!! Hand-delivered by the mail-lady! Yes, God is still on the throne and sovereign over all, even smelly old aprons! hahahahaha!!!


Saturday afternoon, as the ladies were oohing and aahing over all of my cousins's gifts, I began to notice that my voice sounded like Joe Cocker all of a sudden, and due to the sinus infection I was coming down with, I was also developing laryngitis. Sweet. I got in to beg for drugs early on Monday and was enforcing "voice rest" so that I could sing on Wednesday night. It is a rare thing that I get to simply sing and not be playing an instrument at church, and our Lenten services are really special. Unfortunately, I sounded like a bull moose for most of it! But at least I was able to remotely participate.


Despite how busy the last few weeks have been, I have started noticing how I am needing to focus on my health and stress level. I need to be a good steward of my health, not just because God has blessed me with relatively good health, but also because my kids need to see me modeling this behavior, and they need me to be playing my "A" game. We were doing this contemplative prayer exercise at church on Sunday (What?!? Lutherans doing contemplative prayer?!? DURING CHURCH?!?!?), and the word that came to me is "rest." God is rest. Rest for my body -- I need to slow down and take care of myself. Rest for my soul -- He is the only One Who could possibly know what I am going through in my heart, day in and day out. I may feel alone in a crowd, but He sees, He is El Roi. I have always seen God as a Father in whose arms I can cuddle up when I am too tired to go on. The One who will not judge me for being angry or sullen or anxious and will comfort me in a soul-soothing way. I have been under a lot of stress lately, and it wasn't until I spoke to a friend the other day whom I haven't spoken with in several months that the floodgates just opened up. I don't know if she shares the same spiritual views that I have, but I know that God had something to do with that phone call. She really ministered to me in a way that few people are able to do because of her personal, repetitive experience with loss. At the age of 31, she has lost both of her parents, two of her grandparents, and countless other close relatives. In fact, the running joke between us is that, if I haven't heard from her in a while, it means no one else in her family is dead. Morbid, yes, but that's how we roll...! She just happened to call me on a particularly hard day, but her words were to me like a warm washrag on a scraped knee. She got right to the heart of the matter, wiped away the dirt and the grime of the painful emotions I was going through to expose the wound, and then left me in a position to be more receptive to the healing process, to properly care for the wound so that it heals completely with a minimal scar. Yes, there will always be a scar, but it won't be the first thing you notice about me.


So many things going on in my life and in my heart these days! R.'s movers are packing his household goods even as I type these words. He will say "aloha" to Hawai'i next week and will spend his 2 1/2 week layover spending time with the kids and me until he's off to Alabama. We haven't seen each other since New Year's Day, and it feels like the time has stretched on forever. Bud turns 3 on Saturday, and I look at him, wishing Tom could have seen what a tender-hearted, rambunctious little boy he's becoming. My baby is no longer my baby, and it breaks my heart in such a wonderful way to watch him grow. Oftentimes I watch him and Li'l G during the crazy days and think about how many times my mother-in-law must have changed Tom's diapers, read him stories, wiped his cruddy nose, watched him learn and grow. Would the days have seemed more precious had she known that he would die so young? I look at my kids and wonder, due to how Tom died, if the same situation could be in their futures. I know that sounds absolutely horrid, but his situation was an inherited condition, and I can't ignore that. But I also won't allow it to keep them from living, from being vibrant and experiencing life to its fullest. It's a function of loss and grief to be sure, but it doesn't get me down for the most part.


Now I've just got to brace myself for the toddler birthday party next weekend... a dozen 3 year olds at the Inflatable Funland -- oh joy...

Stop The Madness!!

I have a confession to make... I'm an idiot. Not just any kind of idiot. A bona fide, authentic, one-of-a-kind AIRHEAD!

Evidence: As I was preparing to upload some photos to Walgreens.com, I tried to type in my username and password. Much to my chagrin, I realized that I couldn't properly remember either. After much investigation, I have discovered that, because of this very situation in the months and years prior, I have not one but SIX accounts with this website!

Just give me my bamboo purse and push my chair down the nursing home hallway now...

Book Review

I was in LifeWay today looking at books (because, you know, I don't have enough going on in my life and have hours to sit around contemplating life and reading for leisure). I've decided to read, The Case For Christ, by Lee Strobel, and then pass it along to R. Since one book wasn't enough to appease my appetite, I wandered through the relationship/marriage/parenting section. It's been a looong time since I had the stomach to even tolerate this aisle of the bookstore, since, to me, it represented exactly what I wanted that I didn't have and was starting to believe I'd never have again. But I digress...

So noticed a book about saving your marriage before it even began and thought, "That's a novel idea!" Just as I was reaching for it, I noticed the title, Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Begins. OK, here we GO! I have to admit, at first I was skeptical. There is almost no literature or any type of resources, Christian or secular, for widows/widowers who decide to venture into dating and marriage after loss of their spouse. I figured I would find more of the same: the same judgement passed that, just because you were about to embark on a second marriage, you were divorced (spoken in hushed, scandalized tones) and going down some sinful, regrettable road in your life. I was sooo pleasantly surprised! Written by a husband and wife Christian counseling team, they address nine questions to ask yourself before and after remarrying from the perspective of a divorcee, a widow/widower, and even the person who is marrying for the first time but is marrying someone for whom it will be their second marriage. Brilliant!

I sat down and read the first four chapters already. It was interesting to read what some of the questions were, for starters. They include:

1) Are You Ready To Get Married Again?
2) Have You Faced The Myths Of Marriage With Honesty?
3) Can You Identify Your Love Style?
4) Have You Developed The Habit Of Happiness?
5) Can You Say What You Mean And Understand What You Hear?
6) Have You Bridged The Gender Gap?
7) Do You Know How To Fight A Good Fight?
8) Do You Know How To Blend A Family?
9) Are You And Your Partner Soul Mates?

I highly recommend this book to anyone, regardless of circumstances, who is faced with the thrilling and intimidating thought of being married again. I would also challenge my married friends to grab this book (or its predecessor, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). They even have workbooks for men and women that have questionairres to help you assess where you are with each question, and although I haven't picked that up (I didn't see any), I think they'd make a great springboard for breaking the ice with your spouse/fiancee/etc. over these topics. I think the chapter about love style is an especially important one for couples who are already married. It really makes you stop and think about how much relationships change and just how much work marriage really is.

From The Mouths Of Babes...

"But Mom, who's gonna take care of us?!?"

--Li'l G, age 4, upon hearing that we were having a quiet evening at home and would not be expecting any company tonight.

"Mom My Ride"

I heard someone talking about this video clip and laughed too hard not to include it!

Boldly and Judiciously!!

So I'm working through a Max Lucado study about the Book of Ephesians along with a friend of mine. The passage we were to read this week was Eph. 1:15-23. I have been mildly skeptical about this study (as I am of any study not written by Beth Moore, haha!) because I am looking for some depth or serious epiphany and haven't just been blown away yet. However, I've done a Lucado study before and was not disappointed then; I've resolved to allow Max to "do his thing" and be a diligent student nonetheless.

There were two questions from this week that I actually considered pretty profound once I thought carefully about my answers. The questions were:

1) The same power that raised Christ from the dead works through our faith. In what way should we be using the power of our faith?

2) If God is over all rulers, kings, and powers in this world, why do evil dictators exist?

Holy mackerals, Batman! You really gotta stop and carefully consider how to answer these two questions. I took some time to ponder them and would like to share my answers. I would also love to hear your answers:

1) We should be using the power of our faith boldly and judiciously! That is some cosmic power! The same power that allowed my Jesus to descend into death, awaken unto life again after every cell in His body hadn't had oxygen, blood flow, nourishment for 72 consecutive hours, and then ascend to a place that defies human conceptualization and rationalization is able to work through me when I share my faith with other people. HELLOOO!!! ANYONE HOME?!?!? THIS IS FREAKIN' AMAZING!!! When we open our mouths to explain how and why we believe, when we keep our mouths closed and display selfless acts of love, when we come alongside others and offer to yoke ourselves to them to help them through a hard time, that same power is flowing out of us and toward them, straight from the Hand of God! Not only should we be directing this Sacred Power in the general direction of non-believers for them to interact with, we are also called, I believe, to aim this Power at fellow believers to keep them encouraged in their faith. Dang! You go, LORD!

2) Under this same category, I think we will find the questions of why there is cancer/disease/abuse/murder/etc., in the world. God, if You're Almighty and can do anything You want, You must not be all that if there is still evil in the world -- You can't even handle that. How many times have we heard people say that as an argument that there is no God, or that the God of Christians is weak, blah x3, ad nauseum. Here's what I say to that: Everything exists for a Kingdom purpose; now let me explain. God created all people to have free will. People are free to choose whom they want to follow, right from wrong, etc. Look at Satan. One of God's most beautiful angels, He chose to defy God. Just because evil exists in the world doesn't mean that God isn't still sovereign over both good and evil. I believe that evil is allowed a time to walk across the earth and wreak havoc because God has a reason for it. He is refining us and growing our character in the short-term; in the long-term, He will receive unmeasurable glory and honor and praise from the victory over evil that will be seen by all in the endtimes. I never really saw it that way before. Evil has a purpose. I knew that trials had a purpose in our lives, but now I am thinking that even evil has a purpose and there is something to be learned from its mere existence in our world. Crazy, huh???

OK, I certainly don't have a degree in Biblical interpretation, nor do I claim to have all the answers. These are just the ideas that sprang to mind as I read the passage and moved on to answering questions. What do you think???

What's In A Meme?

I know I have not been consistently regular blogger (I wonder if they make an on-line laxative for that??? hmm... Oh, sorry, haha...), so I'm using this as my writing prompt for the day.

Here are the rules:

(1) Link to the person that tagged you. (OK, His Girl)

(2) Post the rules on your blog. (Done.)

(3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (Only six?!? Crikey!!)

(4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (I don't know that many, but I will link to a couple and also leave it open for anyone who happens by my site!)

(5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website. (Can it be a snarky comment, or do I have to behave?? Hmph...)

Now for six random quirks....

#1: I love even numbers. I didn't realize I was doing this until a few months ago. I noticed that, while driving in the car, I would adjust the temperature in the car and only stop on even numbers. It really irritated me to stop on an odd number. I'm the same way in the house with the thermostat. I prefer even numbers of items. I can't explain it, but there it is.

#2: I have a very short attention span. This can feel like a real handicap. I love to have these long-winded explanations of things and expect everyone within earshot to be hanging on my every word for as long as my wisdom is pouring forth; however, I am almost physically unable to give such attention to others. Reading long blogs or emails just doesn't happen. I either delete it or come back to it later. It is probably this quality of me that keeps me from taking projects to completion.

#3: I obsess about planning. I operate off of two calendars in my home and also use my palm pilot and iPhone calendar. Not only that, the calendars in my home are color coded. And I'm absolutely, always thinking at least 1-3 months in advance. Yes, that makes the present stressful. This is a quirk about myself that I really don't like, too, and it's one that I think I subconsciously developed as a survival tool after Tom died. I've alwas been a planner, but not to this psychotic level.

#4: I sleep with my bedroom door closed and locked. I startle very easily at night, and my kids and cats have freaked me out in the middle of a deep sleep. At least this way I know I won't wake up as I'm being assailed!

#5: I, too, obsess about checking email. So irritating. I check it almost every time I walk past the office. Not that I am expecting anything in particular. I check it "just in case." Actually, I do the same thing with my front porch. I check it every time I drive up to my house just in case I have a package sitting on the doorstep. Not that I'm expecting anything most days. It's just that I never enter or exit through that door, and if something were left there, I'd never see it unless I check on my way up the driveway. Silly, yes. :)

#6: I haven't done this in a looooong time, but back in my heyday, I could diagram the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America. Yes, it's actually one sentence, just chock full of infinitive phrases.

Geez, out of that entire list, the only one that isn't completely embarassing and negative is #6! What does that tell ya?

OK, as for tags, I'll tag Sing4Joy and Red Lipstick Diaries. YOU'RE IT!

It's also open to anyone else! (Admittedly, I don't know a lot of people on here, so please let me know if you do this thingie and I'll link up w/ you!)

I'd like to blog next about a passage from Ephesians that I'm reading for a class. Or maybe my friends who recently lost their baby. Or maybe my sweet, yet insane children. Life certainly offers more than enough to kvetch about or discuss -- oy!