Trash Can Haiku

you know you want to
as tempting as it may be
must.resist.the.urge.

-- Mobilelly Yours, GGG

Blevins cemetery haiku

bittersweet beauty
peaceful farmland gently holds
those who slumber here

-- Mobilelly Yours, GGG

Poptart Haiku

poptart sprinkles crunch
upon my clean kitchen floor
why do i bother?

-- Mobilelly Yours, GGG

Freaky Fungus

For those of you who never ate mushrooms before, you really won't want to eat them now. I almost put thus genetic freak-o-nature in my spinach salad today. It's a mushroom with a siamese twin attached at the head, so to speak. Nothing remarkable to say here -- just wondered what the odds are of finding something like this in your salad!

-- Mobilelly Yours, GGG

9/11 Remembered

Life stood still eight years ago at almost this very precise moment at which I'm typing to you. I remember sitting there in my classroom with a husband who had just left days prior to go to the National Training Center (NTC) in California, thinking about today being his birthday, and then the harsh reality of the news of the day. I was terrified that his unit would deploy immediately to Afghanistan from NTC and not even get to come home first. I wasn't ready to face the fact that I could lose him. And yet, look what so many others had already lost.

For so many of us, 9/11 is simply part of our American history. We have passionate feelings about the events of the day and those that followed. But for so many others, their lives were ripped apart. To try and understand the loss felt by the husbands and wives, children, the unborn, the moms, dads, and siblings, and other lives touched by those we lost that day is futile. The best we can hope to do is grieve alongside them and shed tears "on behalf of a grateful nation."

We didn't just lose people in the twin towers of the World Trade Center. We lost people in the soft, plowed fields of Pennsylvania, where our forefathers likely trod as they fought bitterly for our independence from England. We lost people in the labrynthine Pentagon as well, some of our brilliant military and civilian thinkers who have dedicated their lives and careers to the job of defending our country. We had a huge gash ripped out of the rich, colorful tapestry of America. Rather than trying to repair the gash and pretend it never happened, thankfully we have all gathered 'round it to look at its hallowed, jagged beauty to remind ourselves of each person borne into the arms of God that day. Their lives hold meaning to this day and will not be forgotten.

I cannot hear this song without weeping. Like coming across a precious memento of a loved one lost, "Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning" so poignantly captures the sweet sorrow of those days spent huddled around the television, watching the news crawl across the bottom of the screen for breaking news. It gives me permission to cry with its gentle melody and simple words. At the beginning of the song I feel simply rotten, but by the end there is hope, an important point that we all miss each day. Faith is great, hope is wonderful, but we must love. Unconditionally. And intentionally. As Christians, Jesus commands us to do this. If you are not Christian, showing love to another person is simply treating another human being with the same respect and dignity you expect to be shown. How different our world would be if we humbled ourselves to truly love one another.

Soak in 9/11. Remember. Allow yourself to take that walk back in time. And keep moving forward in love.

I Just Gave Birth...

...to a new blog!

That's right -- GGG is branching out these days. I have decided to start a separate blog that focuses only on my attempt at being a PT stud. I have recently started CrossFit (again) and am trying to do it the right way. It's only been two days, but the psychological effects alone have been incredibly empowering. Ever since R. inspired me to get back into the gym a year and a half ago, I have tried to make it a priority to take better care of myself and challenge myself. While some days it has been an uphill battle of gargantuan proportions, most days it has been extremely rewarding to watch myself do things I never thought I'd do.

I'd love to motivate others, especially women and busy moms, to step up and do the same -- to step outside the comfort zone and take charge of their health. That would be gravy. (Mmm, gravy...) But really, this is a selfishly motivated blog. I'm really just doing this to be more disciplined about plotting my progress so I can look back and see how far I've come. I really want people to read and interact, but if you chose not to, that's cool, too. But please leave comments/kudos/kvetches/etc. I thrive on feedback.

So, without any further adieu, I give you...

Make It Burn.

Fall, Could That Really Be You?

While that might not be the most flattering picture, it was the best of many attempts at documenting my woolen protest of summer. Thankfully, when I walked out the door this morning, it was somewhat cool ( think only 77 degrees) and foggy. A "cold front" is due to arrive over the next few days, and we'll be topping out at a chilly 80 degrees by Saturday, so y'all say a prayer for us.

I am so optimisitc that weight have fall this year that I got out my seasonal home décor last night and started the changing of seasons on my own timing. R. asked how one goes about decorating for fall: "What do you do, stick some corn around the house?!?". I was not deterred by his lack of enthusiasm for my favorite season. I put those bright citrus fruits to bed in the closet and pulled out my pumpkins with pride. I, my dear, am ready for fall.

To top it off with warm struedel, I found this awesome new product from my BFFs at Febreeze. They are basically paper air fresheners that stand on a square base that has a flickering light. They come in several great scents, albeit none near as cool as the caramel apple fragrance (complete with spooky spider and web design on the scented paper) and orchard apple (with a happy little jack-o-lantern motif). With the flickering light effect, it's way cool. I let the kids put them in their rooms. Now, the hacienda not only looks fall-ish, it smells like it, too.

My last touch of seasonality will take a little more effort, however. I want to fill up my clear column votive holders with candy corn and monster fingers, topped with either a green or purple candle. Not even the venerable Hobby Lobby had what I needed! Blasphemy!!

Yes, dear readers, fall is indeed on the way to this hot, parched land. Even as I write this in the carpool line, it's actually rainy and 73 degrees -- what a rare treat! Think I'll pop some popcorn this afternoon and cozy up ok the couch for once.

-- Mobilelly Yours, GGG

Labor(ious) Day

I just don't know what's up my skirt some days. This is usually when Sing4Joy asks me if I'm PMSing and I bite her head off, stomp my feet, gnash my teeth, and holler in my most indignant tone, "I'm not PMSing!?!?!"

I've been sorting through, like, almost a thousand unread blogs from bloglines and sadly gave in to the fact that, even though I bear a striking resemblance to Wonder Woman, I am no superhero and cleared out my bloglines. However, I read something over at Gretchen's place about some of the issues she's been going through, and in my heart I wanted to say, "Yes! I know that feeling so well! Is that what that is?" Her image of teetering on the edge of the precipice of depression, wondering which direction she's headed, strikes a chord in my heart. While I've never been diagnosed with depression, I'm positive that I'm the kind of person that goes through emotional seasons. Once I catch on to the changing of the seasons in my heart, I get a little anxious; I am completely unsettled and relatively agitated until I can get my bearings again. Call it fear of the unknown, avoidance, PMS, or lack of sleep. It's unnerving either way.

I've been on a war path with my kids. Can't really explain why, but I've been so uptight about ridiculosities (Is that a word? If not, then it is now.) I believe reasonable people call this "the small stuff." I have been stern with myself about personal habits that have crept in and taken root in a temple of which I have worked hard to take better care. Things that have been my passion still are extremely important to me, but I can't seem to take the first step to getting them done. To top it all off, I've been really emotional and have even caught myself being short with R.

This time of year naturally turns my mind toward tragedy. Is that a little dramatic of me? Of course -- have you met me?!? T.'s birthday would've been this Friday, and he passed away four years ago this November. These are not necessarily days I dread all year, but as the weather turns from face-of-the-sun hot to mildly-sweaty hot (a.k.a. fall in the south), I believe my subconscious becomes aware of a season of grief, of timelines, of my current circumstances, complex and beautiful as they are.

I often find myself wondering these days: Have I always been this way? Why am I so wound up about certain things? It would be such relief to be able to brush these things off and look at the bigger picture, and many times I am able to do that. Other days it just seems so impossible. Why is it that Li'l G gets on my last nerve to the point that I need to walk out of the room? Why can't Bud listen to me and follow simple directions like "don't eat that mud" or "stop climbing on the handrail of the escalator"? Why can't I see these beautiful babies that God placed in my arms and be kinder and gentler toward them? Why am I constantly so exasperated with others whose opinions are different from mine? Why can't I be more of a team player? and so on...

I have had two friends in the last ten days become widows. One woman was a determined, dedicated caregiver to her ill husband for years who was able to watch his passing with the knowledge that his days were coming to an end. Another woman had her husband snatched from her loving grasp almost as quickly as mine. How distinctly I remember the feeling of, "What just happened here," the feeling of looking at my non-breathing husband and wondering what I was going to do. I was reminded on Sunday of the passage in psalms that God takes care of widows and orphans and puts the smack down on any evildoers that come their way. I know without doubt that is true. That doesn't diminish the circumstances but certainly made me feel like I had someone on my side to take care of me.

I wanted so desperately to pick up the phone and talk to someone. I needed an ear to chew on. I wanted to ask someone, "Is it just me, or is it normal to feel like you don't think you can handle one more day of messes in the bathroom, mowing the lawn, a dirty house, and not having a helpmate to help shoulder the load?!?" Then I realized that almost every phone number on the contacts list of my phone was that of a person who was married. And while many married individuals do, indeed, end up doing more than their fair share of the parenting/cooking/cleaning/etc., and spouses of deployed soldiers get an intense snapshot of that life, it's just not quite the same. And in my mind, R. has little to do with this because he didn't put me in this situation in life, and he's not my ticket out of single parenthood.

I know many of you would love to hear that this is when I put the kids to bed early and curled up with my Bible. It's not a bad idea, but that's not what I did. I've exhausted my concordances with references about widows and comfort and so on. I needed to put children to bed and wind down for the night. Bud ends up talking to me about how he doesn't want to go to heaven because he will miss us and our house. I tell him that he doesn't have to worry about going just yet, but that heaven is a really wonderful place that we'd all like to be at some point. Then his line of questioning goes toward old people and dying, boo-boos that don't get better, and the inevitable "I miss my Daddy" tearjerker. We've had these conversations before, and as the kids get older, they can understand more and thus the conversations become more detailed. And while many people might pooh-pooh tonight's display as tears of exhaustion at bedtime (which some of them truly were), seeing the pain on his face as he put his chunky hand to his face and cried just cracked my concrete heart into powdery bits. Our tears mingled on our wet, sticky cheeks as we just sat there and let it flow.

Bud has to take family pictures to school tomorrow. Joy of joys! What a fun time of explaining our family situation when you're the only four year-old in the room who does not have a dad in the picture. I'm so thankful that the kids are not ashamed of this and explain it quite matter-of-factly to anyone who asks. They also have a clear understanding of how R. fits into the picture and how that is growing and changing. I was proud of him, though. When I asked him which picture of our family he wanted to bring, he said he wanted on with R. I asked if he wanted one of our family with T. or one with just the three of us to take as well. He said he wanted to take one with R. and and one with T. but not one of the three of us. What does that say about how he sees our family? I'm not entirely sure, but I feel good about how he feels about how our family will hopefully look in the future.

Maybe I just needed that good cry. Maybe I've got a hormonal thing going on (extremely likely -- apologies to my male readers). I don't think I have a season of sadness up ahead. I definitely feel the inclination to slow down these days and heed the call of the Spirit to look upward and inward. I am the sort of person who must be intentional about not moving and going constantly; it goes against every fiber of my being, but I know that I must do it. I want to enjoy my children at this fleeting time in their lives. I want to savor the fading of the heat and humidity from the air. I want to relish in the sound of a deep, familiar voice on the other end of the line that makes my heart smile even when the rest of my day has stressed me out and brought me down. There are too many lovely, precious blessings in my life and in the world to appreciate to allow something else to tug at my heart and throw me for a loop. Where ever this post finds you in your day, I hope it finds you feeling positive and hopeful. If not, go ahead and get the funk out of your system. There are better days ahead -- I'm sure of it.