Army Wife Puts The Smack Down On A Purse Snatcher

Just another reason why you don't mess with a woman who is surrounded by her children constantly and hasn't had sex in almost a year! This local woman is a tribute to military wives doing what they have to do to keep the household running while the guys are out there in a modern wilderness. (Of course, this could have been a military husband keeping the homefires burning while his wife was deployed, but then again, wouldn't we all wonder why he was carrying a purse? I digress...)

I looked for a link to this story so you all could read it for yourselves, but the only online newspaper that carried this story is my local paper, to which I already subscribe. They wanted me to get an online subscription to access the story, which I find preposterous. So, I will boil it down for you, GGG style.

This lady -- we'll call her Wonder Woman for obvious reasons -- is a mother of three children and has a deployed military husband. She was at Wal-Mart the local mass discount retailer and was finishing up her grocery shopping after having dropped her youngest child off at watchcare on post. Being the proactive superhero that she is, she places her purse in the car before unloading her burgeoning cart. After having scanned her perimeter for enemy infiltrators, Wonder Woman dutifully returns her cart to the corrall, lest it wreak havoc on other minivans and SUVs Millenium Falcons or space shuttles and damage their force fields. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Swiper moving stealthily to her own rocket, left vulnerable by an open bay door. Faster than she can slap on her sparkly tiara and matching wristbands, she recognizes that Swiper is moving in quickly, and she recalls that the watchcare nazi on post won't allow her to pick up her child without her military ID. With her umbrella in her hand (remarkably, since we haven't had any rain in, like, four months), she proceeds to run after him at warp speed, yelling out, "Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, NOOOO SWIPING!" This alerted fellow shoppers as to the crime in progress.

By the time our fearless heroine caught up to Swiper, he was getting into the stolen space cruiser he was rollin' in. They fought, they struggled, they talked politics and religion, after which time Swiper attempted to shoot off into orbit WITH WONDER WOMAN STILL HANGING ON TO THE SIDE MIRROR OF THE VEHICLE!!! Upon being interviewed, Wonder commented that she "wouldn't encourage that type of response"; however, I want to kiss this fearless woman for taking the fight to the man!

All's well that ends well. Swiper is behind bars, and Wonder Woman was, in fact, able to get her child out of watchcare. (At least, I assume so -- there was no follow-up story about some woman who had abandoned her child at the CDC (Child Development Center) and thus tainting the image of our fearless heroine.) And that, dear readers, is why you never want to mess with a military spouse -- she will hunt you down and exact justice!