The Journey Of A Thousand Miles

Today was R's day for surgery.  Thankfully we were not dealt any surprises, and he seems to have come through the procedure well.  I had no reason to doubt that things would go according to schedule, but my mind always has the "Grief" app running in the background and draining my battery.  Thankfully, The Lord stepped in and shut that business down through the servant hands of so many dear friends and my beautiful, sweet pastor, all of whom were there for our family and have blessed us with meals, child care, prolific prayers, and great conversation.

It's hard to know exactly what to expect from here.  Obviously there will be a recovery period from surgery and further information about the degree and severity of his cancer.  Will he or won't he need to undergo radiation therapy?  How will he feel from the lack of thyroid hormones in his system?  Or will there be an overabundance of the hormones, and if so, what surprises will that bring?  How will this affect his long term health and attitude?  Will our relationship change?  Will his relationship with our children change?

One thing I know will not change, and that is the fact that I love him and never leave his side.  In fact, he probably wishes I would leave his side -- he detests being hovered over, which is one area in which I happen to specialize.  In fact, I struggle with knowing how best to support him in a way that will touch his heart.  I want to be able to take care of him and soothe him -- he wants to be left alone. He wants me to leave him at the hospital, visit once or twice, and pick him up when it's time to go home.  I cannot handle that type of laissez faire policy.  I want nothing more than to see him lean on me and let me in to what he is experiencing, and instead I feel like more of a spectator.  I don't want to whine about this or complain.  Put simply, it is difficult to find a balance between what he needs and what I feel.

We thank everyone for all of the prayers, love, and support you have shown our family.  This is just the beginning, my friends.  As I told R earlier, the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.  This was just the first one in that journey.  Praise God this journey has begun on a strong foot.